It’s an exam that I tend to avoid, at the doctor, oh boy!
It always gets me down, when I see that maglite torch
You know that I ain’t grinnin’ when the proct'logical physician is
Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' up my back door.

Well, there could be cancer concealed where my feces congeal
So I walk in to be examined, in the early dawn
Doc’s got a ‘cam from Motorola, I know where it’s goin’

Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' up my back door.

The doc takes out some gloves, and slaps ‘em on his hands
I’m under anesthesia, displayin’ the full moon
In an awkward position, the cause of much derision

Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' up my back door.

Reachin' up my rectum, grabbin' on a gland
With some kind of cold metallic spoon
Doo, doo, doo
Major pain and sorrow, I'll be feelin' it tomorrow

Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' up my back door.

He found some fissures, and some cysts, and some big 'ol hemorroids
Swears that with some surgery, they'll all be clean and gone
I'm miserable in sorrow, 'cause I'm goin' back tomorrow

Doo, doo, doo, Lookin' up my back door.