(spoken):

Surfin' porn and 'click here' on all the spammers
Ain't no harm - my back-up files have stood
I am no laggard - twice week choosin' all the patches
PC used to seize up daily and breakdowns
Can't avert 'cus Microsoft's no good

(sung):

My PC is Compaq and
Microsoft it is a muddle, understand - see
Dozen patches per week are had
I done blundered if the files go bad
Said my security was compromised
I'm afraid my files are fried

Well screen now says 'it's gonna shut down'
When I tried to boot up drive would click and spin 'round
Today pop-ups speared me comin' 'A' through 'Zed'
Quite inundate with errors my hard drive it bled

I said "patches - I depend on MSN
To pull my PC through
Or files might all just say adieu"

(spoken):

Two days later got a new PC and
I became a paranoid freak
So I bought Norton and McAffee kits too
To be told then that AdAware Plus rules

(sung):

Dump crummy messages from junk mail fools
Delete attachments from my best friend too

Some times I'd feel like all hope was gone
So simple should be just run my Zone Alarm
But then I remember what Bill Gates, he said
With greed in his eyes as our wallets bled

He said "patches - you'll depend on MSN"
I thought they'd do their best
In end they're just like all the rest

(spoken):

Then one day the wrong worm came
and quashed all my DOS away
And because I was hurting I thought of just burying away
Mouse & keyboard 'neath a boulder
But you know karma saw what I was going through 'cus

(sung):

I hear Gates he had to go on trial
Small consolation to revenge my files, see
He is the ogre of the PC scheme
I hope the lawyers leave him rendered and reamed
Still my plight appears ain't goin' away
Lord, hafta run safe mode another day

To my fear my Taskin' Manager has shown
Twelve copies svchost.exe alone
Baud rate's feeble, tried to persevere
Still my IE voids and screen disappears

Saying, "patches - don't depend on MSN
To pull your PC through
Your files may all end up so screwed"

I can still hear Linux/Macs saying:
"Patches - don't depend on MSN
You thought they'd do their best
In end they're just like all the rest"

(repeat and fade)