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Song Parodies -> "(Microsoft) Patches"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Clarence Carter

Parody Song Title:

"(Microsoft) Patches"

Parody Written by:

Merry & Pippin

The Lyrics

Somebody sort of requested this in a comment, but I can't remember who....

Surfin' porn and 'click here' on all the spammers
Ain't no harm - my back-up files have stood
I am no laggard - twice week choosin' all the patches
PC used to seize up daily and breakdowns
Can't avert 'cus Microsoft's no good


My PC is Compaq and
Microsoft it is a muddle, understand - see
Dozen patches per week are had
I done blundered if the files go bad
Said my security was compromised
I'm afraid my files are fried

Well screen now says 'it's gonna shut down'
When I tried to boot up drive would click and spin 'round
Today pop-ups speared me comin' 'A' through 'Zed'
Quite inundate with errors my hard drive it bled

I said "patches - I depend on MSN
To pull my PC through
Or files might all just say adieu"


Two days later got a new PC and
I became a paranoid freak
So I bought Norton and McAffee kits too
To be told then that AdAware Plus rules


Dump crummy messages from junk mail fools
Delete attachments from my best friend too

Some times I'd feel like all hope was gone
So simple should be just run my Zone Alarm
But then I remember what Bill Gates, he said
With greed in his eyes as our wallets bled

He said "patches - you'll depend on MSN"
I thought they'd do their best
In end they're just like all the rest


Then one day the wrong worm came
and quashed all my DOS away
And because I was hurting I thought of just burying away
Mouse & keyboard 'neath a boulder
But you know karma saw what I was going through 'cus


I hear Gates he had to go on trial
Small consolation to revenge my files, see
He is the ogre of the PC scheme
I hope the lawyers leave him rendered and reamed
Still my plight appears ain't goin' away
Lord, hafta run safe mode another day

To my fear my Taskin' Manager has shown
Twelve copies svchost.exe alone
Baud rate's feeble, tried to persevere
Still my IE voids and screen disappears

Saying, "patches - don't depend on MSN
To pull your PC through
Your files may all end up so screwed"

I can still hear Linux/Macs saying:
"Patches - don't depend on MSN
You thought they'd do their best
In end they're just like all the rest"

(repeat and fade)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Royce Miller - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
lots of work in this one-
Johnny D - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Ha! Worth waitin' for, guyals! I'll patch-up yer score with three 5's more!
Adagio - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Terrific!! 5's
Birgitta - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
This is excellent!! I've been in Blaster/Welchia hell myself recently-they're gone now. (Whew!) This is my kinda parody!!
Meriadoc - February 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone! I am just glad that a few people knew the song. :-D
mandamoo - March 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Don't know the song, but I can certainly relate to this ! Excellent as always !
alvin rhodes - March 02, 2004 - Report this comment
nice job as usual....5s
13 - December 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio - December 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks for digging this one out...worth it! I always wanted to do one to "Patches" too, but I can't find a suitable download 5's
Mary - December 18, 2004 - Report this comment
I have to show this to my sister. I think "Patches" was the first 45 rpm record my little sister ever bought. Great parody!
RockandRollFan - December 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks for taking the time to do this, I really enjoy your work!

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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