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Song Parodies -> "I've Never Been to You"

Original Song Title:

"I've Never Been to Me"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"I've Never Been to You"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Young lady, it seems to me
that this just was not a good date.
You are intolerable
and to love you can't be my fate.
I can tell
it would not go well
and so before I take my bow
I wish someone had talked to you
so I wouldn't have to now:

You see, I've faced some curses
and been to nurses'
offices at my school.
I've faced the bigotry
of many a childhood fool.
I've been to hospitals
and had nasty falls
and I've even survived Russian flu.
I've been to Hell and back
but I've never been to you.

Hey, lady. Yo, lady!
Don't you dare walk away!
‘Cause I have this need to tell you
why I’m better off alone today!
You're a nasty chick
and now you wanna stick
me with paying the entire bill!
I've been lonely for so long
but I'd rather be lonely still!

'Cause I've been to Dallas
with a girl named Alice
and I've stood where JFK died.
I've sat in Ford's Theater
right where Mary Todd Lincoln cried.
I've seen reflecting pools
where once twin jewels
held thousands that we once knew.
I've been to Hell and back
but I've never been to you.

Yes, I've been to slums
and I've seen my chums
bleed to death in foreign foxholes.
I've seen bosses rob
me and my mates in jobs
that would crush lesser men's souls.
I've been to Detroit
and I've reached the point
where I just didn't know what to do.
I've been to Hell and back
but I've never been to you.

I've been to Hell and back
but I've never been to you!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.7
How Funny: 2.7
Overall Rating: 2.7

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   15
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - May 01, 2017 - Report this comment
Unexpected topic from you, but 555!
Michael Pacholek - May 01, 2017 - Report this comment
Did you almost Keel over in surprise?
Rob Arndt - May 01, 2017 - Report this comment
No, but if you ever wrote about Kiel, I would!
Patrick - May 01, 2017 - Report this comment
Congratulations for knowing that Howard Keel had the original version of this OS. Sounds like these lyrics come from grim experience. Reminds me of one of my lines: "I was never more lonely than when living with you".
Michael Pacholek - May 02, 2017 - Report this comment
No, the original version of this song, written by Ron Miller (who also co-wrote a lot of Stevie Wonder's early hits and Diana Ross' "Touch Me in the Morning") and Kenneth Hirsch (who also wrote "Two Less Lonely People in the World"), was by Randy Crawford, in 1976. Charlene (Oliver) recorded it in 1977. It was a minor hit. That same year, Walter Jackson did the first masculine version. In 1982, Charlene's version unexpectedly came back as a big hit, and that's when Howard Keel did his version.
Patrick - May 02, 2017 - Report this comment
Thanks for info

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