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Song Parodies -> "Horny And Broke, Da*n!"

Original Song Title:

"Morning Has Broken"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Cat Stevens

Parody Song Title:

"Horny And Broke, Da*n!"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Of interest to absolutely no one: Inspired by watching a rerun of Episode 4 of the last season (2011-2012) of the TV series, "House (M. D.)". TOS was played over the opening scenes of a man greeting the new day, then played again over the ending scenes, but with an entirely different meaning of "broken" -- namely, the literal one. :)

Beautiful OS videos make this trashy parody all the more ironic. This one is one verse too short. This one is one verse too long.
TT, like Goldilocks, went for the middle. IMHO, the third verse of both TOS and parody create the perfect climax, so to speak. (cough ;)


Horny and broke, da*n! Laid off this morning
Back to hand strokin', lustfully stirred
Raise cash for swinging? Pay's gone; a warning
Chase chicks? Checks bring 'em! Flesh, by cash, lured

Cheat for gains? Windfall? Manna from Heaven?
Crikeys! Worst: true, all; all want "First Class"
Please can't we meet, Miss? In your wet garden  
Slumber, complete bliss; where is my lass?  

Why not just one night? Pining and mourning
Porn is a bum plight; need two to play
Pays: copulation? Maid, bed: adorning?
Rod's red; frustration of no new lay

Another example of how changing just a few phonemes can turn a beautiful spiritual into .... something else. ;)

Trivia: "Morning Has Broken" is a well-known hymn, especially popular in children's services. The lyrics were written by Eleanor Farjeon in 1922. Writing credit for it has occasionally been erroneously attributed to Stevens, although he certainly deserves credit for popularizing it with his #1 hit single. (And this is the name under which he did that, so let's not go *there* at_all, 'k?)

© 2012 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   9
 9
 9
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Meriadoc - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Every syllable was perfect - wonderful wordplay! At least it was only broke and not broken. And 'crikey'? Is this a clue to your identity?
Callmelennie - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
How about adding a single letter to the word morning and turning the OS into a tribute to Alonzo Mourning, the great shot blocking center from Georgetown -- Mourning has broken .. The Big East record .. Most shot rejections .. In a college career .. Praise to John Thompson .. Praise to the Hoyas ... Jeers to the folly .. Of the point guard
John Barry - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Welcome back, TT. Where ya been keepin' yourself?
Penny Saved - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Take heart, TT-- Your pacing and syllable matching ability are still very much intact! :)
Old Man Ribber - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Ya still got it! ;D
John Jenkins - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
TT, you have really turned some beautiful lyrics (althought I prefer the Mary Hopkin version) into some gutter-type humor. Very well done. Excellent substitutions.
Peregrin - August 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Hi TT, great job with a beautiful OS. Agree with every comment above.
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: LOL at “broke, not broken”. Thanks for the kind words on the syl-matching.
[WARNING: SHAMELESS PLUG APPROACHING] For the story of when “it” was in fact “broken”, and syllable-matched to, of all things, “American Pie” (a first? cough), and best of all, your nicknickname is in the title ;-D, there’s this one from two years ago, should you be bored some day:
          http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/donmclean163.shtml
“clue to identity?” OMG, it’s the Great AmIRight Conspiracy Theory of 2009 all over again! :eek: (If you DK it, don’t bother to look.) Um, you’re thinkng that TT is Stuart McArthur? (Is he still among the living?) No, although the expression was learned from him. (Can’t say where. Limit of one plug per comment.) Just a useful syl-match:

Like .the first .., dew-fall
Crikeys! Worst true, all

Sad as it may be, ;) TT is TT, and not any other writer masquerading as such. (Who could? LOL -- and more to the point, who would want to? :) :) :) Thanks again for v/c.


Callmelennie: Have at it! In the parody game, that’s called a “spin-off”, and the site has tons of them. It’s considered an honor to the author whose song inspired you, and it’s (cough) customary to credit said author (cough) for the inspiration, and with their parody’s name and link or URL of it. TT doesn’t follow that sport, so the concept is all yours. Thanks for v/c.

John Barry: Under water -- literally (well, figuratively). Worst time ever to be in the mortgage business, with no improvement in sight. Swimming faster and faster, so to speak, just to tread water. Doesn’t leave much time or energy for this very time-consuming and addictive (as you know all too well yourself) hobby. ... I would actually qualify for food stamps, but the IRA that I don’t want to draw from for other than a dire emergency disqualifies me on the “means test”. Don’t want to make this political, but -- n/m, thanks for v/c. Nice to see you again.

Penny Saved: (LOL) Thanks, but those qualities don’t seem to have quite the chick-magetism of cold, “hard” cash, so to speak. ;-D .. thanks for v/c.

Old Man Ribber: Yeah, but I can’t find it. ;-(

John Jenkins: Thank you very much, John, especially as I expected that this genre would not be to your taste. Thanks for putting up with it to read/v/c.

Peregrin: Hi, nice to see you too, and thanks for v/c.
Meriadoc - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
TT: I will check out your floppy tome shortly (long song to use for a short subject heh heh). Stu is very much alive and well; did not know that you were suspected of being he... I just thought the 'crikey' might indicate Aussieness.
Patrick - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
A day late and many dollars short. Glad to see your creativity on these pages again. Never knew the original song was that old. Doesn't sound like the "roaring twenties" to me. Looks like another industry is suffering from that fact that customers no longer have any money. Glad that someone lets us post our poetry here for free.
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Patrick: Amen to the last, although I've heard that an increasing number of women who have been "laid off" (so to speak) from their "regular" jobs have turned to becoming strippers, to keep the bills paid. Thanks for v/c.
TT @ Meriadoc - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Meriadoc: LOL @ punny phrasing as always. No, not suspected of being he, but someone else was suspected of being TT in guise -- n./m, *really*. Rather forget about it....[1] No Aussie blood here, Mate; hatched and bred in the US of A. More specifics available if curiosity is killing, but it'll cost another plug. ;) Thanks for the return visit, and looking forward to your critique of Merry's pie, so to speak. ;-D

Have indeed done several Aussie-centered parodies, over the years, though. No links. just titles, so you know where to find them if interested. (None v/c'd by M or P to date)

"Back In The Ewe A*s, Us Are" - Kris R.said he *should* feel offended, but was laughing too hard.

:"Almost Heaven, South Australia" - (J. Denver) simple trib; Kris and Stu loved it.

"Down Under, Love You (Australia Salute, Part II)" -- not-so-simple follow-up, in which not everyone picked up on the double-entendre. ;) Naturally, Stu, who was plugged in the lyrics, did. xD


[1] If you *must* know, someone accused my long-time and valued co-author, Fiddlegirl, the Merry to my Pippin, of being a fictional creation of TT. So ludicrous (and physically impossible without writing 30 hours a day) that TT jokingly played along at first, then it spiraled out of hand. Finally, TT invited the Admin to compare IPs of the two password-protected accounts. We live more than 1000 km apart, alas. (Don't even think about "Internet proxies".)

The real victim, of course, was FG. I/we then posted a number of parodies in refutation, and eventually, it died down. So maybe TT a bit touchy about Aussie "Crikeys" = TT actually one of the Ozzie writters here.

btw, you and Pippin were tributed rather grandly at the conclusion of FG/TT parody of the entire musical, "My Fair Lady". Figured that as it was based on GB Shaw's "Pygmalion", and set in London, and being about word usage, that all UK/CW parodists might be interested. IIRC, you were having some health or other personal issues at the time. Sorry you missed it, and truly sorry that you and P missed being named AIR's greatest-- oh, heck, read it. ;)

All sixteen songs, plus running plot line, on one page:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/myfairladylernerloewe16.shtml

Posted as two scenes (songs) per day, starting 29 Sep 2009, here:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/myfairladylernerloewe0.shtml

in which case, it's easiest to find the next scene from the FG/TT home page,
http://www.amiright.com/parody/authors/fiddlegirlandtommyturtle.shtml

As the movie and parody are primarily a duet, it would indeed seem useful for a solo author to create a fictional counterpart. But to have written all of that by myself, in the space of a month, along with all the other FG/TT parodies, while TT was still cranking out solos fairly regularly -- sheesh.

Cheers Merry!
Andy Primus - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Never mind, you’ve still got your tried and tested ewes for comfort when you’re skint. I bet you don’t say skint in the US.
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Andy Primus: Which is why they're always kept as a backup. ;) ... no, we don't, but I can see the derivation: Variant of past tense, as "dreamed/dreamt" (both OK here), so it's a past tense variant of "skinned", right? -- like a mule or deer. Not a past tense, nor slang for "broke" on this side, but it makes sense. Thanks for v/c.
Callmelennie - August 05, 2012 - Report this comment
TT, if by "there" you mean Cat's name change to Yusuf Salaam, I have indeed gone "there" -- namely I did a trio of Cat Stevens like songs as if they were performed by Yusuf Salaam on his debut album "Death to The Tillerman" i.e. "Mooz Shadow" -- Oh I'm being harrowed by a Moos Shadow ... "Where Do The Dhimmis Pray" -- Well I think it's fine, crashing jumbo planes .. and "Peace Train" -- Peace train, 'lahu Akbar, blow up the peace train
Tommy Turtle - August 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Callmelennie: The point was that TOS was produced under the name of Cat Stevens, and remains so to this day. Trying to avoid distractions. Also, not good to stereotype (ever, actually) all Muslims for the actions of a few radical fanatic psychopaths. From Wikipedia:

"Stevens converted to Islam in December 1977, and adopted the name Yusuf Islam the following year. In 1979, he auctioned all his guitars for charity and left his music career to devote himself to educational and philanthropic causes in the Muslim community. He has been given several awards for his work in promoting peace in the world, including the 2003 World Award, the 2004 Man for Peace Award, and the 2007 Mediterranean Prize for Peace....

"Immediately following the 11 September 2001, attacks on the United States, he said:
    "I wish to express my heartfelt horror at the indiscriminate terrorist attacks committed against innocent people of the United States yesterday. While it is still not clear who carried out the attack, it must be stated that no right-thinking follower of Islam could possibly condone such an action. The Qur'an equates the murder of one innocent person with the murder of the whole of humanity. We pray for the families of all those who lost their lives in this unthinkable act of violence as well as all those injured; I hope to reflect the feelings of all Muslims and people around the world whose sympathies go out to the victims of this sorrowful moment."

There have been a couple of indeterminate controversies over the years, but in any event, my purpose here was not to judge him personally, but to parody his song, still sold under the name of Stevens. Make sense?

I've skewered many politicians (note the shots as the Kennedy clan in the Marilyn Monroe tribute of this posting day, and the links to three more in Footnote [5] there), and many celebrities, but in those cases, the purpose of the parody was such skewering. The purpose of this parody was to make a silly, bawdy romp from a beautiful spiritual that was written 80 years ago, and brought to #1 by Stevens. Cheers.
Stu McArthur - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Very comforting to see some things never change TT - inc. your subject matter and your quadripedantic side notes. Without even knowing it was by you, I could pick it by the side-notes! And I still find myself dreaming of Jon Voight's descendant's wet garden. btw you still owe me a beer - or her phone number
Tommy Turtle - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Stu McArthur: Are you sure you're not Merry, proving her reassurances to me that you're still among the living? ;-D No.? OK, I believe you. ... But who knew that TT's style was so recognizable?
    (pauses for room to stop guffawing). Good to see ya, Mate, and actually it's 2.5 beers, IIRC. Of course, I never said anything about airfare, so whenever you want to hop on that Quantars jet -- it's summer here, lots of Sheilas on the beach wearing dental floss -- have at it!

You think I'd betray my friend Jon by handing out his precious heiress's phone #? (vs. keeping it to myself, mwahaha) Would you, if the situation were reversed? -- Oh, heck, it's great to see you, Stu. Thanks for coming up from Down Under long enough to get a breaTTh of fresh AIR!
TJC - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
What is this--2007, 2009? The Metrical Mastur' resurfaces! More than even-Steven--that was funCataWhorically funny stuff man! Tanks for the mammaries!
Tommy Turtle - August 06, 2012 - Report this comment
TJC: With the appearance of Merry, Pippin, and Stu on the same page -- and now ewe -- it does "Seem Like Old Times", doesn't it? ... aah, the good old days .. .(sniff...) Thanks for v/c!

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