I feel my girth move above my feet,
'Round my thigh it's rumbling 'round, rumbling 'round.
My opponent will be tumbling
I'm gonna take him down.

Don't be fooled 'cause I'm baby faced,
Dressed in diapers every day.
No snarling as we take our place,
We look like two hippos at play.

I feel my girth move under my teats,
Two huge Hooters-humbling mounds.
The time's come to start rumbling,
They've just rung the first round.

He starts to come after me
And tentatively makes a play
I do a doe-lie motion
And drop him like a bale of hay.
Dust flies from the mat like crazy.

They feel the earth move in the front seats
As this guy is tumbling down, tumbling down.
There's no dearth of "boo"s; he is done, beat.
Was favored to win the crown.

In Rome, I'm "Largo Uomo,"
Otherwise known as sumo.
When I get tossed, I roll all over
All over, all over. . . .

Now my net worth's moved on his defeat
Wish they'd pay me by the pound
Pay by the pound, pay by the pound. . . .