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Song Parodies -> "Kwai Chang Caine"

Original Song Title:

"You're So Vain"

Original Performer:

Carly Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Kwai Chang Caine"

Parody Written by:

Rex Ungericht

The Lyrics

For fans of the old "Kung Fu" television series. If you have RealPlayer, you can hear the OS at
You stood outside the temple
Longer than all of the other boys
And when you finally collapsed, they brought you in,
'Cause you were the real McCoy
You had chores and classes every day that taught you to enjoy
Living your life for the joy of the moment, joy of the moment and

Kwai Chang Caine
You learned to parry spears thrown right at you
Kwai Chang Caine
You learned to be a master of kung fu, kung fu, kung fu

The troops came knocking on the door
The Emperor was quite peeved
Seems you were teaching peace when he wanted war
He wanted you all to leave
When they killed your masters Kan and Po, you couldn't hold your grief
So you lashed out with the way of the dragon, way of the tiger and

Kwai Chang Caine
You struck and killed the Emperor's nephew
Kwai Chang Caine
You know you've got to get away, don't you? Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

You hopped a ship, it was bound for the new world, bound for the new world and

Kwai Chang Caine
You took your eastern ways to the old west
Kwai Chang Caine
And searching for your brother was your quest, your quest, your quest

Everywhere you went you found bigots who thought
That you were less than a man
They saw Chinese features and your calm demeanor
So pushing you around became their plan
And they thought that they could beat you down
But when they tried they found
Your foot in their face and their butts hitting the ground, butts hitting the ground and

Kwai Chang Caine
You always shared your thoughts in a flashback
Kwai Chang Caine
Your temple learnings kept you on your track, your track, your track, your track

Kwai Chang Caine
You learned to walk without leaving footprints
Kwai Chang Caine
There hasn't been a show quite as good since
If you don't like this parody, you'll certainly hate my other ones (which can be found by clicking on "Parody Authors" and finding my name).

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
I remember that TV series "Kung Fu" and the martial-arts fad that swept America in the mid-1970's. I was a student at a karate dojo back in those days.
Phil Alexander - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah, you have done well, Glasshopper, but you will not be a master until you can catch a fly with your chopsticks
But Master, I can do that already
Ah, so, Glasshopper. But not without killing the fly
...Classic :-)
Johnny D - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Master, can you catch a fly with chopsticks without killing it?

Ah. Glasshopper, Master Blo show you even better trick --- observe.

(A fly buzzes in the air nearby...Master Blo makes a lightning-fast move at it with his chopsticks...the fly continues buzzing around as if nothing happened)

But Master, you didn't catch that fly.

Ah, Glasshopper, but now that fly no longer can make more flies.
Ravyn Rant - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Fives for the parody, and my thanks for the mini-nostalgia trip.
Michael Pacholek - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Now, my son, you are ready to go into the world and write more parodies... though I did think of this one first, turning the Beatles' "Rain" into "Caine." Which mainly might cause pain.
Rex - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnny, Phil, Ravyn, Michael - many thanks. Michael, I don't know if it's possible to come up with a parody that you/Guy/Rick/Johnny etc. haven't already done. :-)
Rod W - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Wondelfur! And yes, it brought back memories! 555
Rick C - April 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah, Grasshopper. Must not the squirrel bust his nuts to fill his belly? Good parody........5s
Michael Pacholek - April 23, 2005 - Report this comment
It's possible, Rex. There's always new material being created. For example, in about five months, we may hear the little Federline scream, and decide she's already a better singer than her mom. That would produce several parodies all by itself.

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