You wokked into the buffet
Like it was Em-er-il's favorite spot
But where they should've had Duck a l'Orange they
Served Gristle a l'Apricot
We were so strung out from hunger that
I guess we both forgot
This - place is known - for the Beef Teriyucky
Beef Teriyucky - and

Horse Lo Mein
You probably think that's pork in the Moo Shu
Horse Lo Mein (Horse Lo Mein!)
I'll bet you think the white stuff is tofu
Tofu
Tofu

Oh I came here several years ago
When I still ate cheap Chinese
Well it's sad I've become - such a germophobe
But look where the children sneeze
Once I had a won-ton disregard
For General Tso's Disease
My - better judg - ment was clouded by Sake
Clouded by Sake - and

Horse Lo Mein
There's probably truth to platters called Pu Pu
Horse Lo Mein (Horse Lo Mein!)
I'll bet you find burnt socks in the Char Shu
Char Shu
Char Shu
Charred Shoe

[Instrumental illness]

I - had to heave - there was grout in my Ahi
Snout in my Mahi - and

Horse Lo Mein
There's something fishy here with the seafood
Horse Lo Mein (Horse's mane!)
Let's bet what kind of egg's in the Egg Foo
Yung Foo
Kung Fu?

Well I hear - they bring out the Moo Goo Guy Pan
The guy's pan actually moos
And they flew these stovetops - all the way from Thailand
But call 'em Mongoloid Barbecues
I'm as dim as some that eat Dim Sum
But think this place chow maimed
Some sweet and sour cat - or the dog of a close friend
Dog of a close friend - and

Horse Lo Mein
You're probably high if pot stickers tempt you
Horse Lo Mein (Horse brain!)
I hope the "Human Beef" is just tofu
Tofu!
Tofu!
Tofu!

Horrrse Lo Mein
You probably think that's pork in the Char Shu...

[Repeat]
[But remember how many hands have been on those serving spoons]