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Song Parodies -> "Horse Lo Mein"

Original Song Title:

"You're So Vain"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Carly Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Horse Lo Mein"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

You wokked into the buffet
Like it was Em-er-il's favorite spot
But where they should've had Duck a l'Orange they
Served Gristle a l'Apricot
We were so strung out from hunger that
I guess we both forgot
This - place is known - for the Beef Teriyucky
Beef Teriyucky - and

Horse Lo Mein
You probably think that's pork in the Moo Shu
Horse Lo Mein (Horse Lo Mein!)
I'll bet you think the white stuff is tofu
Tofu
Tofu

Oh I came here several years ago
When I still ate cheap Chinese
Well it's sad I've become - such a germophobe
But look where the children sneeze
Once I had a won-ton disregard
For General Tso's Disease
My - better judg - ment was clouded by Sake
Clouded by Sake - and

Horse Lo Mein
There's probably truth to platters called Pu Pu
Horse Lo Mein (Horse Lo Mein!)
I'll bet you find burnt socks in the Char Shu
Char Shu
Char Shu
Charred Shoe

[Instrumental illness]

I - had to heave - there was grout in my Ahi
Snout in my Mahi - and

Horse Lo Mein
There's something fishy here with the seafood
Horse Lo Mein (Horse's mane!)
Let's bet what kind of egg's in the Egg Foo
Yung Foo
Kung Fu?

Well I hear - they bring out the Moo Goo Guy Pan
The guy's pan actually moos
And they flew these stovetops - all the way from Thailand
But call 'em Mongoloid Barbecues
I'm as dim as some that eat Dim Sum
But think this place chow maimed
Some sweet and sour cat - or the dog of a close friend
Dog of a close friend - and

Horse Lo Mein
You're probably high if pot stickers tempt you
Horse Lo Mein (Horse brain!)
I hope the "Human Beef" is just tofu
Tofu!
Tofu!
Tofu!

Horrrse Lo Mein
You probably think that's pork in the Char Shu...

[Repeat]
[But remember how many hands have been on those serving spoons]

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   8
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 8
 

User Comments

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Jack Wilson - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job! 555!
Phil Alexander - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Times that I wish there were 6s...
John Jenkins - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
You've ruined my next Chinese dinner, but this is an excellent parody.
John Barry - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Five forks all the way across for this quadrupedal entry!
Beef VeryYucky - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Interesting, fun parody.
Spam authority my a$$ - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
everything but the sweet and sour goat-tripe soup in this. And old Johnny D as always , plugging his songs under the best parodies. Give it a rest, Johnny.
Laurence Dunne - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Reminds me of the parody 'There's a cat in the kettle at the peking moon, the place where i eat every day at noon, you'd think it was beef or chicken or pork, but Garfields on my fork'...... 555 of course.
Johnny D - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Very well, Spam authority my a$$, I have read your comment, and your point is a valid one . . . I've been doing too much self-promotion under other parodies, and I do need to give it a rest, you are correct. I asked Chucky G to delete my self-promoting comment above . . . but once that's deleted, I still want to say to Mighty Spaff that I love this parody, and I still give it Triple Delight Of Five! ;-D
Spaff.com - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm supposed to be working right now, not playing on amiright, but I just checked these comments and wanted to clarify for Johnny Dangle that the "Spam authority" post was not from me (in case you suspected as much). I did make a crack elsewhere about Johnny having more plugs than a women's dorm, but that was just meant as good-natured ribbing. (Ribbing, as you know, enhances your pleasure.) Self-promotion rarely bothers me; y'all know I do plenty of it myself.

And as long as I'm here, thanx for your comments, Jackie & Philbo & Beef & Spam & Laudanum all three Johns (J, D, and B)!
Johnny D - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Spaff. I'm not totally giving up on self-promotion, but whoever "Spam authority" is, he/she/they/it has a valid point --- "plugs-in-comments" can be overdone sometimes . . . I'll consider taking a self-promotional sabbatical . . . heh heh heh . . . ;-)
Leo Jay - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Brilliant.
Meriadoc - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
This was absolutely hilarious! A great parody to start the day with. Of course, I'm already hungry again....

Incidentally, a friend who is parking lot sweeper once watched a lady from a local Chinese place taking lettuce out of the grocery store dumpster and carrying it into her restaurant kitchen.... :-O
Laurence Dunne - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I agree that self-promotion can be overdone. In fact, I commented on that in my parody called ......
Billy Florio - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff....what can i say......just amazing....5-5-5
Arwen - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm DYING, Spaff...it's just brilliant! I may never eat at the Chinese Buffet again...but 5-5-5 anyway!!!
Melhi - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
You're a sick, sick man, Spaff. :) Don't know why, but the next sentence popped into my head as I read your parody. "Hi Ho Silver, Fillet!"
Mari D - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
My favorite lines: "There was grout in my Ahi / Snout in my Mahi"... Gee, I think that I'll have to read this parody again in an hour. Great job.
Charlie Decker - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
By gum, the master has done it again. I don't have anything to say, I just...wow. Just...wow. 555
Claude Prez - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks for living up to the hype again and again and again.
2nz - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
You've still got it. 'The guy's pan actually moos'... hehe...
Peregrin - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Execllent work Spaffman!
kikatbar09 - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
spam,[i mean spaff] that rocked. and i dont think i'll ever eat chinese food ever....................................oops i lied...................it sucks.................. ....................................get a life..............
Red Neck Mother - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Your best since J-Lo and Ben. Great effort
Michael Pacholek - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
You've been to the website with a horse of lo mein?
kitkatbarr09 - May 27, 2004 - Report this comment
HEY! Somebodt used my name. That bitch-oh yeh! um, your parody is awsome...now exuse me---who used my name..stupid ass bitch.
Spaff.com - May 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Lee OJ & Smeagol (at least it was a *grocery* store) & Laudanum & Billy Don't Be A Florio & Evenstar & Mello (don't order the kemo sabe) & MAD & Sgt Decker & C4P (hype? yikes) & Looney 2nz & Gollum & kitkat & Red Neck Mother (you must have missed "Anal Vice")!

Michaelopedia: It felt good to be out of Bahrain.
Agrimorfee - May 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny as hell, great puns, and changing every chorus. Excellent!! 555
Ravyn Rant - May 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. But now that I've made it to the bottom of the page, I'm hungry for another parody. ;)
Ashkicksass - June 01, 2004 - Report this comment
How DO you do it? That was AWESOME! Just one question though: considering that we live in the same area, is this about a specific restaurant? If so, I'd like to avoid it at all costs...
Diva - June 04, 2004 - Report this comment
LMAO! Spaffy~ that's a riot!
Spaff.com - June 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Aggro & Ravyn & Diiiva!

Sister Kicksass: Yeah, it's that one in that strip mall just off the freeway exit. Heh heh.
S.T.G. - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Cat's In The Kettle pt. 2 good job all 5's
Smeagol - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Had to come back for another serving - it's still great!
Spaff.com - June 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, STG & Shmeeagol.
Jeff Reuben - June 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent as always!
Spaff.com - July 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Jeffaroo, as always!
2LD4U - March 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, I'll tell ya if they serve Saki at a Chinese restauraunt, then the owner must be pretty confused to begin with! Saki is JAPANESE, you know!
Spaff.com - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Did I say Sake? I meant Hefeweizen.
Dee Range - August 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Researching this song for parody...this is something that should be famous...it's that good.Tens wouldn't even do it justice. You should send it to the Demento show, if you haven't already.
Spaff.com - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Dee. Alas, Dr. D. has no use for lyrics. But if you wanna record it, I'd be happy to give you, like, 10% of the profits.
Spoof-Man - February 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Mmm...good!!
Spaff.com - February 17, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanx, Spoof-Man. Be sure to tip your servers.
white trash - March 29, 2009 - Report this comment
the best parody i have heard of this song very abstract and chinese food is the best
Spaff.com - June 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanx, white trash. You know what they call Chinese Food in Shanghai?

Food.
Jack Wilson - February 27, 2010 - Report this comment
How the hell is this not recorded? It should have one soon, too hilarious to not record IMO
jerry - April 08, 2010 - Report this comment
id like to order ill take a double triple barfy deluxe on a raft 4x4 animal style extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze light axel grease make it cry burn it and let it swim
Spaff.com - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Jackie: OK, I'll put it on the to-do list.
jerry: Aren't those the lyrics to that Big Mac song?
Jack Wilson - April 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Awesome!! Cant wait

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