Studying crowds for cute face
Trying to find an homme graced with pence and height
Chevy seems galling
Beamer's more her choice; tall and erudite

A brainy knight in Porsche, a brainy knight in Porsche
Her themes for attaining a lover, this girl
She feels like complaining - another dud churl!

Peon - scant of cash, an'
Lacks of abs and muscles: crass and just not right
Some zits or furry back's a pain
Hair's souffled in bad toupee - what a fright!

A brainy knight in Porsche, she wants brainy knight in Porsche
Lord, I can see bitch trainin' all over this girl
Idealized rich trainin' all over this girl

How many guys she's plundered
A million hearts degrade
No matter how she looks at it, she won't submit
It's tough - p'rhaps she just got to stay ol' maid

(violins playing at four-star restaurant while on a date with Fabio)

Behind and a face of a rockstar!
How I ache for a czar, so up I climb
Sate my plight as regards my quest
Until Adonis I possess, till then, I'll whine...

She wants a brainy knight in Porsche
Baby wants a brainy knight in Porsche
With zeal disdaining all lovers, this girl
Kinda homely now
Too ashamed to show mother, this girl

Oh has she never seen normal people?
And you seein' such scatterbrainin' all over this damn girl
She talkin' bout attainin' vain, urbaney swain, a thegn with plein Lorraine champagne; no plain inane profaner
Brainy - a strain attainin' lovers, this girl