You may be a quiet girl - protective of your honour
You might be the girl next door - or you might be Madonna
You might not've shared an icecream let alone a kiss
You might not know what the f*** an M.I.L.F. is

but you're gonna have to snog somebody
yes indeed, you're gonna have to snog somebody
Well, it may be your boyfriend, or it may be Brad Pitt
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You might be a jaded groupie for the Rolling Stones
or you might want to PUNCH the AIR! - with love for Katie Holmes
You may like to play with little boys (more than you oughta)
and try to cover up by dating Elvis Presley's daughter

but you're gonna have to snog somebody
yes you are, you're gonna have to snog somebody
Well, it may be Mike Douglas, or an older...(no, that's gross)
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You may not think threesomes with celebrities are nice
unless they're with Ms Jolie, or with Condoleeza Rice
you might feel a sudden need to wrestle guys in jelly
or you might feel a sudden need to pash Liza Minelli

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
yes indeed you're gonna have to snog somebody...
Well it might be Rebecca Loos - if not, ho hum, Posh Spice
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You may leave your cake out in the rain, like Richard Harris
You may want to marry Paris just coz he's called Paris
You may fall for Mia Farrow, boosting her career
and then love Mia Farrow's daughter more than you love Mia

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
yes, you're gonna have to snog somebody
well you might find yourself in Vegas, drunk and newlywed
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You might have the kind of job that fills your heart with fright
like d'livering a pizza pie to OJ late at night
or telling Whitney not to go for guys like Bobby Brown
or having to tell Russell Crowe the phone lines have gone down

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
ooh yeah, you're gonna have to snog somebody
well Bruce Willis is now too old - soon Ashton will be too
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

you might write your signature with little hearts above it
you might underplay your looks by dating Lyle Lovett
You might wow your fans by playing Indiana Jones...
then
watch Ally McBeal and say "hey, how about them bones!"

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
yes indeed, you're gonna have to snog somebody
Well it may be an intern - or it may be her head
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You may be so lovestruck that you're heading for the chapel
You may be so lovestruck that you named your daughter Apple
You might be a cheer-girl - shaBOOM-ing for the nation
or a singing nun in Austria, in need of fornication

but you're still gonna have to snog somebody
yes indeed you're gonna have to snog somebody...
Well, it may be Kate Hudson - or it may be her mum
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You may be a check-out lady - scanning at Wal-Mart
who dreams one day she'll get to scan Orlando Bloom's pop-tart
You may be a teacher giving private tutes (wink, wink)
You may claim that Carrie Bradshaw's columns make you think

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
ooh yeah, you're gonna have to snog somebody
maybe Donny Osmond - or you might prefer Maree
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

You might like to play the field when wifey's out of town
or try to nail Miss Aniston while she's on the rebound
You might be a jilted princess, love-shopping at Harrods
and end up in a Paris tunnel, dead as an ex-parrot

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
ooh yes you're gonna have to snog somebody...
fair enough you shouldn't have to make, with Courtney, love
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

you may have maternal itches, getting extra-itchy
and deal with them by saying "will you marry me, Guy Ritchie"
you might be called Portia, and move into Ellen's place
and end up on the streets - disoriented (like Anne Heche)

But you're gonna have to snog somebody
ooh yes you're gonna have to snog somebody....
Well, it may be a health-food nut - who munches roots and leaves
But you're gonna have to snog somebody

ooh yes, you are....