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Song Parodies -> "Catherine Zeta-Jones"

Original Song Title:

"Me and Mrs. Jones"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Paul

Parody Song Title:

"Catherine Zeta-Jones"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I can't take it anymore. You can have Britney, I won't stand in your way to get J-Lo, and go ahead and make your own "tale of the tape" with Pam or Paris. Velma Kelly just SLAYS me! And it's killing me that she's with that... THING...
Catherine Zeta Jones
she's got a thing... on her arm.
We both know that it's long
in the tooth and wrong
should let it go, now.

Every day I see
"Extra" show on TV
seven-thirty, she will be there.
She holds his hand, this hubby should be canned
while the jukebox plays a "Chicago" song!

Ca-a-a-a-atherine!
Zeta-Jones!
Zeta-Jones, Zeta-Jones, Zeta Jones! Zeta-Jones!
she's got a thing... on her arm.
We both know that it's long
in the tooth and wrong
should let it go, now.

I gotta be extra careful
she's got two kids with this guy.
And she's got her own obligations.
And so, and so, I just cry!

Ca-a-a-a-atherine!
Zeta-Jones!
Zeta-Jones, Zeta-Jones, Zeta-Jones, Zeta Jones!
She's got a thing... on her arm.
We both know that it's long
in the tooth and wrong
should let it go, now.

With another Michael she's living.
It hurts so much! It hurts so much inside!
Now, she'll go her way, and I'll go mine
and tomorrow I'll cry the same tears! The same whine!

Ca-a-a-a-atherine!
Zeta-Jones!
Zeta-Jones, Zeta-Jones, Zeta-Jones, Zeta Jones!
She's... got... a... thing... on her arm.
We both know that it's long
in the tooth and wrong
should let it go, now.

I gotta be extra careful
she's got two kids with this guy.

I wanna meet and talk with you,
not at his place, not that café, different time
and I am the one who really loves you.
We gotta talk it over, talk it over...
We know, they know, and you know and I know that he is long
in the tooth and wrong...
I gotta let you know now
you've got a thing on your arm...
...thing on your arm...
Actually, in the incredibly unlikely event she ever came up to me and said she was willing, I'd probably faint.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
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 1
 
 2   0
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 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
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 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

mac - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
This is very good. At first I thought you were talking about some wierd tatoo.
Jan Unwin - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael, this is great! Maybe it's some kind of parasite, huh?
Johnny D - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael P., we agree, Cathy Z's a hot hot-teee. 5's
Tim Hall - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Get More!
ParodyKeet - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Ah, yes, unrequited heroine-worship. Well done! 5's from me.
alvin rhodes - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
ol' CZJ was lookin' pretty fine at the oscars....5s for you...10 for her
Michael Pacholek - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Mac: Weird tatoo? Sorry, Angelina Jolie's as hot, but she's just a little too freaky for me. Jan: He might be. Johnny: Activated "Little Edmund," has she? Tim: I'd love to! But she won't leave Kirk's kid!
Diva - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Last year she had a big round tummy. I think... It had something to do with that Douglas guy. ;)
Edmund Fitzgerald - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
As the longshoremen's go, mine is bigger than most.
Scotty - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Aye, Cap'n, as soon as we entered the Zeta-Jones Nebula, the starboard nacelle firmed-up stiffer than a caber bein' tossed by an Aberdeenian pub-crawler!
Dr. McCoy - March 04, 2004 - Report this comment
No more Viagra for you, Scotty!
Mr. Worf - March 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Do not be concerned, Mister Scott. I shall share my secret supply of prune juice with you. Qa'Pla!
Dianra Douglas - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
This is beautiful.
Michael Pacholek - July 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Both New York tabloids (the Daily News and the Post) have as their front page story a stalker for Catherine. And NO, it isn't me. I would never do that to her, regardless of what I said in "Indiscreet Where You Live." She was in court yesterday, and Catherine was on the stand, reading the letters this sicko was writing. This woman said she would do to Catherine what Charles Manson's "family" did to Sharon Tate. Catherine is as brave as she is beautiful. This shrew stalking her did so because she's in love with Michael Douglas. Look, I'm in love with Catherine, but the worst I do to Douglas is tell dumb jokes about how old he is and what a lousy actor I think he is. I wouldn't kill him or even try to take Catherine away from him. You know what they say, "If you love something, set it free." I guess I just have to bide my time, but then, Michael's father Kirk is 87... and he actually got one of these sicko's letters, and hid it from his son to protect his feelings. Kirk is one tough old son-of-a-gun. As for Catherine's stalker, I hope they put her away for a long, long time.
Michael Pacholek - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment
This just in: Catherine Zeta-Jones is about to "get more." She and Tim Robbins will receive Harvard University's annual Hasty Pudding awards.

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