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Song Parodies -> "Always Just Orc-Bait To Me"

Original Song Title:

"Always A Woman To Me"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Always Just Orc-Bait To Me"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Funny things, hobbits..
They can carry a ring
All the way to Mount Doom
They can live with the ents going "oom, boom and foom"
They can dance on the tables and sing songs in Bree
Some folk call them "Hobbits"
But they're always just orc-bait to me

They can steal from dragons
Or ringses from Gollum
They won't do what they're told
They won't come when you call 'em
Live in middle-class holes, underground bourgeoisie
But they make a good thief
Yet they're no more than orc-bait to me


Oh--they have hair on their feet
They're so quiet when they walk
They complain all the time
Though, when their strength, it gives out
They will never give in
Plodding on in a line


And they'll carry a sword
That's the size of a dagger
But they can't use it well
And they can't even stab a
Spider that's creeping
Up, ominously
But they never do die
Even though they're just orc-bait to me


CHORUS:
Oh--can't take care of themselves
Need a Strider around
When it's orc-killing time
No, won't say "Hi, Uruk-hai"
Or gobble a goblin
They're not really that kind

They will save Middle Earth
From the Evil One's armies
And battle the Nazgul
When they're flying like harpies
Yes, it's hard to believe
'Cause they're so small and twee
Sauron blown from his throne
Overlord overthrown
But they're still ****ing orc-bait to me

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Onslaught - March 21, 2013 - Report this comment
What can you say about Hobbits that hasn't already been said? Oh, right, this. 555s
Lifeliver - March 21, 2013 - Report this comment
As Onslaught, it's getting harder to keep this theme fresh, but you took us on another jolly jaunt through JRR.
Phil Alexander - March 22, 2013 - Report this comment
It is difficult to do another LOTR parody that isn't like at least one of the other multitude written on the subject.. so I didn't check, I just kind of hoped nobody had done one exactly like this already, with some corny rhymes shoehorned in. I did like the phrase "underground bourgeoisie" as relating to hobbits (and google suggests that it's the first time the phrase has been used in this way)
Old Man Ribber - March 22, 2013 - Report this comment
I wasn't going to do comments anymore, but your work makes it difficult to break the hobbit. ;D
Wendy Christopher - March 25, 2013 - Report this comment
This one gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling (does that make me a sick puppy, since you're calling hobbits orc-bait? Oh well...) A definite 555 :^)

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