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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad of Silly the Kid"

Original Song Title:

"The Ballad of Billy the Kid"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Ballad of Silly the Kid"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

If I have to explain, chances are you won't be reading this anyway.
(long instrumental opening)

From a town known as Rednecksville, Virginia
rode a boy with a six-gun in his hand
and his paranoided words
showed that he was for the birds
and no respect did he command.

Well, he started with some cans on fence on Dad's farm.
There were 12 lined up, and two cans hit, he did.
And his age and his size, all his bragging it belies.
Soon... the word spread... of Silly the Kid.

Well, his gun, for him, was heavy
and he's doomed to live alone
and he soon put all his macho talk to shame.
And he never had a sweetheart
and was weak up in his dome
but the cowboy-and-the-Indian was his game.

Well, they laughed at him from Roanoke to Norfolk
but their taunts and derides couldn't keep him down.
He was still a nervous wreck
when he enrolled at Virginia Tech
then... a bigger threat came to town.

(long, long instrumental break)

Well, one cold day a killer came toward Silly.
And Silly said, "Stick 'em up!" Oh, yes, he did.
And the bullet that he shot
never came close to the spot.
Next came... the shooting... of Silly the Kid.

Well, his gun, for him, was heavy
and you know he died alone
but he still got vigils with a candle's flame.
And he never had a sweetheart
but he's finally found a home
underneath the Blacksburg grave that bears his name.

From the towns from Hawaii to Long Island
if you're not so scared that you ruined your pants
do you think you'll stop the crime?
Will you pull your gun in time?
Do you really think... you'd have a chance?

(long instrumental close)
In other words, the shooter's already got his gun pulled. By the time you've found your gun, checked to make sure it's loaded, and pointed... assuming your hand isn't shaking from sheer terror, thus causing your shot to probably hit an innocent bystander, the killer has already shot you and moved on to his next victim. The problem isn't that 32 college kids DIDN'T have guns. It's that one with a severe mental illness DID. Anyone who thinks one college kid with a gun could have stopped him, I have to question YOUR mental health.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 1.8
How Funny: 1.8
Overall Rating: 1.8

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   4
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User Comments

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Rebut - April 24, 2007 - Report this comment
If you actually believe in that strawman scenario you invented in your end comments, lefty, you're the one who seriously needs mental help. In the Appalachian State shootings, the two people who found their guns in time to use them were able to do so because they heard the shots being fired. It cut the massacre down to 3 killed, 3 wounded, which is a hell of a lot better than your 32-plus-the-shooter killed over a two-hour span. The armed criminal knows: go to the homes of gun control freaks, because they're the very kind of coward you describe in your coward's fantasy. NRA types, in contrast, will almost invariably have their guns out and ready when shots are fired, except, of course, in "gun-free" zones of the sort you dinguses have set up around schools and libraries. How suicidal all you morons on the left are: you even make stupid laws to keep others from defending you!
Michael Pacholek - April 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound? If the guy is suicidal, do you think he gives a damn whether the people's he's shooting at are NRA types? If the guy is psychotic, do you think he's even given it a thought? No, he hasn't. He doesn't stop to think, "Wait a minute, this guy might have a gun, I'd better go after someone else." No, he thinks of nothing but, "Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!" And since he has the gun, he thinks he's unstoppable. It never occurs to him that someone else might have a gun. He's thinking, "If I have the bullets, that means I'm bulletproof!" As for that Appalachian State story, how does it help the three who were killed? The number of killed should have been ZERO, and it WOULD have been zero if a nut who should never have had a gun had not had a gun! And those NRA nuts you put on a pedestal? They're not interested in defending me. They're not even interested in defending themselves, because they share the same philosophy as the killers: "I have the bullets, and that makes me bulletproof!" All they really care about it firing their guns. It's almost sexual, which may explain why they take it so personally. Go ahead, the next time there's a mass killing, take your gun to the site and try it. And, in the words of Mark Russell, you can rest in peace with your piece. One less right-wing nut, and one less gun that fell into the wrong hands. Guns don't kill people, GUN NUTS kill people. If we're lucky, the only person you'll ever kill with your gun is yourself, because I doubt you have the sense to take the bullets out when you clean it.
Clue - April 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Firing guns is "almost sexual" to us, is it? What's the matter, Michael? Did somebody castrate you, or don't you even have a dick in the first place? Freud would have had a field day with you. Guns--and penises--are here to stay whether you and your simpering eunuch pals like it or not, Michael. Get over it. Even the Dims in Congress aren't as spineless--or should I say boneless--as you: now that they've got the "blue dogs" they know gun control is a loser and the issue is already settled in favor of our Constitutional gun rights and self defense. Gun owners save a lot of lives every year that you never hear about precisely because ZERO LIVES WERE LOST. It's the penis-envying GUN CONTROL NUTS like you who end up costing dozens of people their lives by trying to make it illegal for them to defend themselves from criminals. Seriously, Michael, don't think too hard about your impotence for too long, because if you do, even a straight jacket and a padded room won't be enough help for you!
Max Power - April 24, 2007 - Report this comment
What's worse is the fact that Cho bought them legally.
Michael Pacholek - April 24, 2007 - Report this comment
See what I mean? Insult their goddamned guns and you insult their sense of manhood. They can dish it out, but they can't take it. And it's true that the Democrats are no longer spineless, as they're learning to talk to "sportsmen" in places like Virginia (two straight Democratic Governors), Kentucky and the Carolinas. They're telling them things like, "If you keep voting for environment-fouling Republicans, it won't matter if you have guns, because you won't have any hunting grounds in which to use them!" And the voters are getting it: Voting based on only one issue is the height of stupidity. Which is why people like Senator Orrin Hatch and Congressman Chris Smith, the most anti-abortion members of each house, prove their pro-life credentials by supporting early-education and child-immunization proposals. The reason the Congressional Democrats won't attack the guns is because they don't have the President they need. Come January '09, they will, and by the end of that year you'll see a crime bill with teeth, and the dealers who sell to the psychos will pay the price the psychos chose not to live long enough to pay. THEY, the dealers, are the true threats. And why would we, the gun-control advocates, envy YOU anything? Watch us on Election Day 2008, and you'll see which party has the potency. McCain will be lucky to get a single State outside the Confederacy and the Plains. He may even lose Arizona.
Max Power - April 24, 2007 - Report this comment
They come in with huge posts.
Freud - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Ach, Mikey boy! Just because YOU don't know how to hold a phallic object because you've never had one of your own to hold doesn't mean nobody else does!
Trooper - May 02, 2007 - Report this comment
Yeah, I gotta admit, I sure am glad you don't know what to do with a gun, traitor boy. I wouldn't trust anyone as gutless and brainless as you with a butter knife.

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