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Song Parodies -> "Diaphragm"

Original Song Title:

"Piano Man"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Diaphragm"

Parody Written by:

Malcolm Higgins

The Lyrics

it's nine o'clock on a saturday,
and the young worried girls shuffle in
there's a young mum sitting next to me,
asking where her daughter has been
she said, Malcolm, this life was a fallacy
I'm now convinced that it blows...
and I put my arms out, she came to me,
I said, sorry, but here's how it goes....
Da da da de de da
da da de de da da da

life can't go wrong with a diapragm,
get her to wear one tonight
it will always prevent her first pregnancy
just make sure that it's fitted just right

now John at the end is a friend of mine,
his daughter gets tested for free
with his daughter he begs not to open her legs
but he's hoping for ster-il-it-y

he says Mal, I believe this is killing me
as his daughter just ran from the place
as she screams I'll now be a porno star
just get me right out of this place

now Paul is a pregnancy analyst
trends that go down, and some that go ups
there's some gender positions, that cause premonitions
a boy or girl, maybe some pups??

and there's people still practicing abstinence
all unhappy, and terribly zoned
as they're sharing a thing they call loneliness
but that's cause their life's without bones


it's a pretty new crowd from last Saturday
and the nurse's aide gives me a smile
now it's off to the ranch that old malky runs..
to forget about guys for a while


Sing us a song, of the diaphragm
get them to wear one tonight
when it comes to pevent teenage pregnancy
they've got her covered all right.

and the diaphragm looks like it's optical
she explains that it goes in right here
then she asks where they've been as she inserts the cream
and says "there, go have sex without fear"


Da da da de de da
da da de de da da da
Sing us a song, of the diaphragm
get them to wear one tonight
when it comes to pevent teenage pregnancy
they've got her covered all right.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 5   5
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
You are sick, twisted and demented, Malcolm. But as long as your sickness, twisting and dementia produces parodies like this, don't ever change! It's a classic.
Yoidy - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
I thought this was gonna be about advising singers to sing from the diaphragm, not this. This is sick - 555!
Michael Pacholek - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Yoidy, when you've known Malcolm as long as we have, you learn not to expect the ungross. (If that wasn't a word before, it is now!) This is the man who wrote "The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald." This is the man to whom I dedicated "Oh My, Hell, Her Legs Bowed."
Red Ant - November 27, 2006 - Report this comment
I agree with Michael; this is one of your better works, Malcolm. Lots of good lines in here.
The Charnstar - November 28, 2006 - Report this comment
I've been waiting for this, I would write it but I'm not big on sexual parodies (although I get a couple of ideas) I also got the idea of Rocket Man - Diaphragm. Over all, this is better than I could've ever done, cause I was too busy laughing during Sex Ed and my parents parents wouldn't tell me.
Jack Wilson - November 28, 2006 - Report this comment
THis is awesome! 555!
malcolm higgins - November 28, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks for the kudos, Charn. I was born and raised in a very small town, and we made funnies to shake the boredom.. it was so small we couldn't have driver's ed and sex ed on the same day.. it was too hard on the pony

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