(Later, everyone is seated again. The lights dim and the curtain lifts.)

A story to write
Concerning a ring
An angry Sauron and his one bling-bling
Still no shoes upon my feet
When I struggled in that place
That one eye, face to... fire eye thingy
Umm...
So don't go to bed
It wouldn't be right
Because this precious thing concludes tonight
There was the return of a king
One of the fellows of the ring

Had to am-scra with Sam one day
Gandalf's new job, to wait at the Pony
With Merry and Pip, we're having a sip
And the ring is now mine
Oh
Gandalf didn't show
We can't wait, some guy said so
I was stabbed by five ring-wraiths but it turned out fine

I can't remember what next but I woke up in Rivendell
Friends are near, but three-day morning breath stinks like hell
Oh, we had a meet, dwarves and elves and human peoples, now it sure was swell
Me, Sam, Mer, Pip, that night we formed the fellowship

(During this instrumental: Gandalf looks down at his right wrist and checks his watch. He looks up for 3 seconds and then looks back at his wrist with a confused look on his face, because not only do watches not exist in Middle Earth, but Gandalf can't figure out how to read analog. He says something to express his temper about the situation and makes a mental note to get a digital.)

Doing it hardcore, we were heading to Mordor
As we heard the white turd, Saruman
Gandalf led round until he fell down, we were sad he was gone
Boromir's really annoying
I am sure that my ring with his head is toying
We never knew that an elf would be Gimli's next wife
Sure and Pippin and Merry were captured by big Uruk-hai (De-ja-vu)

We all divided as I had decided, it was clear that the ring couldn't stay
I didn't know about which way to go without Gandalf the Grey
Someone behind us was stalking
(And) it sucked, 'The Two Towers' was mostly walking
And someone was busy with war against Saruman's horde
Oh, with trees they did hang so Pippin and Merry were bored

So Gandalf came back from a Balrog attack
For an old man he handles himself
The kill count is high, when they fight Uruk-hai
For a dwarf who competes with an elf
Hear Aragorn boast? He defeated a ghost
Because Narsil is back from the shelf

Go, Gimli, Go!

(During this instrumental: A cell phone rings. An Uruk-hai picks it up and begins to talk. He is immediately beheaded and eaten. 'And there was much rejoicing.')

Well, two hobbits with style, and an ear to ear smile
Led the very last march of the Ents
And Sam made a choice, when he followed my voice
Almost dying again made me tense
Orcs invaded the keep, the one at Helms Deep
But never made it through Gondor's defense

Spiders were parried and then I was carried
Oh, thank goodness for Sam and his guts
I was heated in gloom and collapsed on Mount Doom and then kinda went nuts
(While) we were 'deciding' the ring's fate
All of our friends went and knocked on the front gate
It's kind of funny to think that we hobbits are shy
Oh, and after a fall that ring met with the fire
And we all packed up to head back to the Shire
So now then I think it's time to retire, good-bye

Yeah, Yeeeaahhh, Yeah

Mount Doom was fed
Winning the fight
This precious thing can now conclude tonight
We were the fellows of the ring
And one of us is now a king