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Song Parodies -> "Another Hobbit's Tale (Part 6): The Finale"

Original Song Title:

"Scenes From An Italian Restaurant"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Another Hobbit's Tale (Part 6): The Finale"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Welcome to the show. If you are not a LOTR nut, you won't quite fit in here. The setting is a theatre and the audience is filled with every character you could imagine from the LOTR series, including some Ents, who sat directly in front of Saruman and Wormtongue. The performers are detailed below:

Frodo (robo-)Baggins: vocals
Sammy Gamgee: piano
Gollum aka (The plunder down under) aka (Starvin' Marvin): percussion
Lego-(my eggo)-las: Clarinet
Gimli (the beer...d), son of Gloin, on saxophone
Extra Uruk-hai from the audience: brass and other accompaniment

There are also cut-scenes of certain events in the audience. These events are enclosed in parethesis and occur during instrumentals over the course of the song, expect for the following one. Enjoy

(Before the show starts: Aragorn and Arwen start to make out. Eowyn throws her program at them. Arwen looks up, sees who it is, smiles widely, and goes back to making out with Aragorn. Eowyn stands up and yells, "He should be mine." Arwen stands and says, "You tried to steal my name, but you screwed it up. Then you tried to steal my man, and screwed that up too." "Your ears look round in comparison to the top of your head, bitch." At this Arwen's eyebrows lower and she starts to run towards Eowyn. Eowyn turns and runs to the end of her row and out the nearest door with Arwen chasing her. Aragorn, Merry and Pippin all look at each other, then jump out of their seats and run after them.)
(Later, everyone is seated again. The lights dim and the curtain lifts.)

A story to write
Concerning a ring
An angry Sauron and his one bling-bling
Still no shoes upon my feet
When I struggled in that place
That one eye, face to... fire eye thingy
So don't go to bed
It wouldn't be right
Because this precious thing concludes tonight
There was the return of a king
One of the fellows of the ring

Had to am-scra with Sam one day
Gandalf's new job, to wait at the Pony
With Merry and Pip, we're having a sip
And the ring is now mine
Gandalf didn't show
We can't wait, some guy said so
I was stabbed by five ring-wraiths but it turned out fine

I can't remember what next but I woke up in Rivendell
Friends are near, but three-day morning breath stinks like hell
Oh, we had a meet, dwarves and elves and human peoples, now it sure was swell
Me, Sam, Mer, Pip, that night we formed the fellowship

(During this instrumental: Gandalf looks down at his right wrist and checks his watch. He looks up for 3 seconds and then looks back at his wrist with a confused look on his face, because not only do watches not exist in Middle Earth, but Gandalf can't figure out how to read analog. He says something to express his temper about the situation and makes a mental note to get a digital.)

Doing it hardcore, we were heading to Mordor
As we heard the white turd, Saruman
Gandalf led round until he fell down, we were sad he was gone
Boromir's really annoying
I am sure that my ring with his head is toying
We never knew that an elf would be Gimli's next wife
Sure and Pippin and Merry were captured by big Uruk-hai (De-ja-vu)

We all divided as I had decided, it was clear that the ring couldn't stay
I didn't know about which way to go without Gandalf the Grey
Someone behind us was stalking
(And) it sucked, 'The Two Towers' was mostly walking
And someone was busy with war against Saruman's horde
Oh, with trees they did hang so Pippin and Merry were bored

So Gandalf came back from a Balrog attack
For an old man he handles himself
The kill count is high, when they fight Uruk-hai
For a dwarf who competes with an elf
Hear Aragorn boast? He defeated a ghost
Because Narsil is back from the shelf

Go, Gimli, Go!

(During this instrumental: A cell phone rings. An Uruk-hai picks it up and begins to talk. He is immediately beheaded and eaten. 'And there was much rejoicing.')

Well, two hobbits with style, and an ear to ear smile
Led the very last march of the Ents
And Sam made a choice, when he followed my voice
Almost dying again made me tense
Orcs invaded the keep, the one at Helms Deep
But never made it through Gondor's defense

Spiders were parried and then I was carried
Oh, thank goodness for Sam and his guts
I was heated in gloom and collapsed on Mount Doom and then kinda went nuts
(While) we were 'deciding' the ring's fate
All of our friends went and knocked on the front gate
It's kind of funny to think that we hobbits are shy
Oh, and after a fall that ring met with the fire
And we all packed up to head back to the Shire
So now then I think it's time to retire, good-bye

Yeah, Yeeeaahhh, Yeah

Mount Doom was fed
Winning the fight
This precious thing can now conclude tonight
We were the fellows of the ring
And one of us is now a king
Whew... I don't know about you, but I'm beat.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Johnny D - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, 2nz, for your clever and hilarious Tolkien Tribute-Series!
2nz - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks JD, for the continued support.
Arwen - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Bravo-Bravo-Bravo!!! I LOVE kind of makes me sad, as the final chapter in the trilogy did, to see it end...but you've really outdone yourself. You are the coolest, 2nz!! 5-5-5!!
MrMacphisto - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Good one, 2nz... and I noticed you mentioned "precious thing." Is that a reference to the parody I made, or was that just a coincidence?
Leo Jay - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
I am SO not a Hobbit-head and slept through the better part of LOTR (no disrespect -- it seemed great from what I saw, but fantasy stuff is just not my thang, I guess). That aside, Billy Joel is a GOD ('Uptown Girl' notwithstanding), so HUGE props to you for this masterful parody of this epic masterpiece. 5-5-5 golden rings.
2nz - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Big Mac: It was a reference to Gollum's use of the word "precious", so in a sense, 'yes' to your question. Thank YOU JD. THANK YOU Arwen, and might I add that I'm probably not done making LOTR parodies. I'm just done with the series. At some point I'll find a fitting 'Uruk-hai fight song' for at least one more Tolkienized parody. Leo: Thanks man. I've had some practice with parodies of Billy Joel songs. This happens to be the 2nd time I've parodied his 'Scenes from an Italian Restaurant'. He is one of my favorites when it comes to parodies. I need to swing by and check out some of your stuff, now.
Michael Pacholek - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
What do you get when you combine Billy Joel and "Lord of the Rings"? About halfway. After all, we must defend the shire...
2nz - June 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you very much, Mike. I'm... um... wait, what? Perhaps me not very perceptive, but me not understand your comment very much.
pickle - June 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Billy Joel's River Of Dreams always sounded like a route for Frodo to take on the chorus.
pickle - June 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Billy Joel's River Of Dreams always sounded like a route for Frodo to take on the chorus.
2nz - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, pickle. You've got a point there. Maybe at some point down the line, if no one else has tackled the idea, I'll give it a try.
Matthias - April 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Almost as epic as the original movie... There were a few pacing glitches, but I liked your take on The Lord of the Rings with the side notes as well. Very funny stuff all around. "(And) it sucked, 'The Two Towers' was mostly walking" (That's pretty much how I felt about the entire Lord of the Rings series. Never really liked the series, but I liked this parody)
Melanie Lee - April 21, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Whew indeed! Plenty of effort and clever condensing of a three-book (then three-movie) epic! Yes, a little rough pacing, but who cares? 5-5-5, my precious!
bobpiecheese - April 21, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages2) This was absolutely amazing, 2nz. Condensing just one film into a song parody is hard enough, but three? Bloody hell. 555 for you!
Arwen - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
AGES...I love this as much as I ever did, always do know how to make me smile. I'm especially taken, this time around, though, by how much ass Legolas kicks on that clarinet. Smooth...
Invisible Boy - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
What an effort here Glen. Even though I'm not really a Hobbit-head either (as Leo said 5 years ago) I do know the OS well and you put enough of a storyline in this to keep me reading and loving it. Bravo !!!
Jeff Reuben - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I guess I missed this 5 years ago. A return of the king!
Below Average Dave - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
First read for me to, of course 5 years ago I had never heard of AmIRight, very good 2nz!

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