Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Ain't No Virgins (A Martyr's Lament)"

Original Song Title:

"Ain't No Sunshine"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bill Withers

Parody Song Title:

"Ain't No Virgins (A Martyr's Lament)"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

The promise of 72 unsullied cuties in the hereafter is enough to motivate any hot-blooded young extremist suicide bomber....hmmmmmmm :-D
Ain't no virgins in hea-von
Allah promised T&A
Ain't no virgins...what a con!
The Koran has got it wrong
Seems that I...ain't gettin' laid

Al-Qaeda said "Make a bomb!
Booty's just one blast away!"
Ain't no virgins, wearin' thongs
Just some losers from Tehran
Looking e-qually dismayed

Now I'm mad! Baghdad Jihad! Been had...too bad
I'm mad! Baghdad Jihad! Been had...too bad
I'm mad! Baghdad Jihad! Been had...too bad
Jihad, been had, I'm mad...
Hey! I trimmed my beard, put on cologne
But there ain't virgins; not a one!

Ain't no virgins where I've gone
Brothers, hear me when I say
Ain't no virgins, ain't no fun
So ignore those Tali-bums
Paradise? Gimme a break!
Paradise? Gimme a break! [REPEAT TO END]

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   17
 17
 17
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

adagio - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Good one, Kristof!! Yeah,,,sorry for them...not much.
TJC - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
My sentiments lex'actly! Perfect subs for Bill's classic--one might even say you've reached Withering Heights with this one, Kristof (had to thumb through my Bront'saurus for that one...)!
MasonR - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeah, what a bummer for them, eh? Nice job here, Kristoff!
AFW - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Very funny premise, and done with your usual flair..
McKludge - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
I haven't used up all my fives, so take these three and put them where there ain't no sunshine :-)
Matthias - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
This reminds me of a scene on Family Guy where an extremist blew himself up only to find a bunch of nerdy guys playing World of Warcraft when he got to heaven.
Phil Alexander - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
I can see why you didn't set this idea to an OS by Nirvana... :-D
Mark Scotti - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Amen to that! Though I am sure they will still get some surprises from Allah, and it's NOT going to be pleasant!!!!!!
Old Man Ribber - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Bravo, Kristof. Waiting on him will be George Washington, Robert E. Lee, Barry J. Mitchel and 96 other angry "Virginians" ;D
Timmy1000 - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Great song - if only they'd get that message. Wouldn't be any virgins anyway for the Detroit bomber as his bomb was in his pants - he wouldn't have had much left for the virgins if he had been successful.
UnKNOWNVotrix - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Gee . . . you've been had ! ! Bin Ladin should know . . . . oh , oh, Bin Ladin should know.
Andy Primus - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Only 72? Hardly seems worth it. I wouldn't be tempted by anything less than 100.
Spoof-Man - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
LOVE IT!! 5's from me!
Kristof Robertson - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Well, thaks a bunch to Pat, TJC, Mason, AFW, McK, Matty, Phil (oh dear!:-)), Mark, OMR, Timmy, Votrix, Andy and Spoof. I'm sitting at home now waiting to be Fatwahed....:-P
Below Average Dave - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
That was friggin hilarious--especially considering what little TOS gives you to work with lyrically. Love TOS, love the idea--think this would be hilarious as a recording too, all around phenomenal--as almost always.
Tommy Turtle - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
But how do you *know* -- unless you try? :-)

Great concept, OS, title switch, and execution (so to speak, LOL) .. and a big improvement on TOS. 555 virgins here on earth for you.
Fiddlegirl - January 13, 2010 - Report this comment
A fiery piece of explosive commentary... (and LOL @ T1K's observation above.)

555s for you and the famous "Dance of the Seven Fails" for the jihadists... ;)
NorCALmaid - January 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Why, oh Why, do all men feel that when they die . . . Heaven awaits them with E T E R N A L ~ ~ Sex . . . ? ! ? !
Kristof Robertson - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks to Dave, TT, FG and lady NorCal... I gotta tell ya, these terrorist leaders really ought to work in advertising. The ultimate hard-sell...
blackjack21 - January 16, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job on this one, excellent work 555. These crazies got the fire down below for the virgins but all they're going to get when they die is THE fire down below.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/billwithers33.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 828