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Song Parodies -> "Lean On Tree (12 Beer Soul)"

Original Song Title:

"Lean On Me"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bill Withers

Parody Song Title:

"Lean On Tree (12 Beer Soul)"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

You've all been here, right? (or is it just me?)...You wake up with a stiff back, hangover, and a small furry animal licking your face. My entry for Tomario's competition
Sometimes in our lives
We drink too muchbeers, we keep suppin'
That'swhen nature helps
Grass to fall onbush to throw up in

Lean on treewhen legs have gone
Fresh air is your friendit helps you stagger on
Doorkeys must be wrong
So you're gonna needsome outdoors to sleep on

Dudeswallow that bile
Walk in straight linewatch out for traffic
Passout on golf course
Where, in sand trapsyoung love gets graphic

And if you're in a bother; wife's giving you hell
Sleep not in a church or mus-e-um
Coz you'll sober up quicker; go au naturel
In a field or cold mount-ain strea-um

Lean on treemaple or gum
Coz you'll need supportafter that jug of rum
Orit could be fun
To upchuck your lunch
In football sta-di-um

When you wake up, late-morning, with leaves in your hair
And your jeans have gone, for no reason
Harsh reality's dawning; you're hugging a bear
Now would be a good time to flee, son

Oaksbirches and yews
Willow-pillowssycamore snoozing
Alcohol abuse
Leads to strange bedsand rear-end bruising

Bruising (and an aching head)
Boozing (snoozing)
Choosing (that pinetree ahead)
Musing (why you don't get home to bed)
Boozing
Boozing

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 1
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   15
 15
 15
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Anonymous Critic - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
A lost art in poetry is aligning the accented syllables with the beat without distorting the sentence structure. Sorry, but I think you could have done a better job of this. I like the idea for the song though, don't get me wrong! Hope this helps.
Cat - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job, Kristof! (But who the heck voted 1-2-2 on this?! That's crazy!)
alvin rhodes - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
yes, except it was a LARGE furry animal in MY case...5s
AFW - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
This is real upchucky...unique and funny....and I sense a tie in with your other entry, today....Mrs. Palmer, like Mrs. Arnold Palmer...and there's golf mentioned in this one...
Kristof Robertson - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Anonymous critic: A lost art in critiqueing is being brave enough to put a name to your comments without fear of reprisal. Sorry, but I think you could've made your point in a less condescending way. I take your feedback on board, dont get me wrong! Hope this helps.
Cat: Thanks for your feedback, sweetie
Alvin: welcome to the club!
AFW: any tie-ins were purely coincidental...but I like the way your mind works
Lucy Branston's Great-Granddaughter - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Even as someone who doesn't drink at all, I find this really funny. I especially like watching my relatives and friends get drunk because they remember nothing and I remember almost everything. Liked it very much.
Kristof Robertson - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you very much for your kind words, LB G-GD. :-)
Stuart McArthur - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
very clever, KR - and good to see you've covered all your Aussie and Canadian students with your wise advice (gumtrees AND maples) - and I loved the "young love gets graphic" bit - does it what! - 555
Lionel Mertens - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm not as thunk as you drink I am. 5's
Paul Robinson - July 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Geez, Kristof - you know I'm about as picky about pace as anybody around here, but I don't really see any problem big enough to throw me off track when I try to run this thru my recollection of the OS. Yeah, it's not perfect...but I wouldn't dock it even 1 point...and it is, as anitcipated, funny for sure. The 2nd line could use a little smoothing out, and maybe your "anon. critic" got a sliver in his tongue on that one and it soured his taste buds for your piece. I woulda maybe tried something like " Drink too much beer; it sends us reeling". I guess if I found any other place that gummed up my tongue I would have gone "4" on pace, but I didn't so I gave you "5-5-5" here....AND - FREE and at no cost or obligation - my unsolicited advice on pacing. Now my suggestion doesn't change the "tone" of the line too much to me, but it might from your perspective and that would be a different subject altogether. But anyway, sometimes when I see a pacing discussion or disagreement I just can't help myself ~ ~ ~
Kristof Robertson - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Stu: Thank you mate...I like to be international in my outlook ;-)
Lionel: I think you is...are...whatever. Cheers, dude

Paul: Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I always welcome discussion about the "craft" of parody writing. I agree with you, the second line is a bit clunky, and an occasion where I sacrificed flow a bit for rhyme. And there are other occasions where words are split or stressed oddly. This was sort of half-intentional; I enjoy parodies that are deliberately awkward, where not only ideas are parodied, but words are too...and it gives the piece a overall "hangover-ish" feel (at least I think it does).
I may have been a bit curt with ACrit...but I really don't have time for people who need to disguise themselves in order to say something they think someone might find unpalatable. Nuff said...cheers!
Phil Alexander - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm surprised you remembered enough about that night to write a song about it... must have been a doozy :-) Reminds me, I've got one on the drawing board for this song, but it's kind of different...
Paul Robinson - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
I hear ya', Kristof. I had a sharp case of the "curts" a couple weeks ago when somebody posted a suggestion under a psuedonym that I took as a criticism - and that I thought was attached to a triplet of "1's" that showed up at about the same time as the comment. Turns out the psuedo-poster didn't give me the "1's" and they were trying to suggest another OS I might like to use...but I was still annoyed because they were had been way too vague. It probably wouldn't have registered with me except it was on a political piece, and I can tell you that, no, I am not joking around when I post a political piece these days. OH...back to you..>HAR! Yeah, the "hangover-ish" feel...well, that's why I mentioned the "your perspective" part...it did cross my mind that you wanted that sort of reading...I know I often give a lot of thought to shading the phrasing in the direction of an image I'd like the reader to maybe get a glimpse at...and you can't tell when you write it if it's going to come through or not on a read by someone else. OK...enough for me for now, too ~ ~ ~
Weird Bob Schnautz - July 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Sorry...I have a natural thing for poetry, Kristoff, so I tend to judge others' poetry a bit more harshly than others...this really was a good parody, it's just that little things like that bug me...I guess I am a perfectionist...by the way, I have left my name, I am the Anonymous Critic. Please accept my apologies, and I'm giving you a second rating of 5s to make up for it--I was too harsh!
Kristof Robertson - July 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Phil; Can't wait to see what you come up with...thanks.

Paul: I hear ya back, mate. Sometimes the parody we hear in our heads doesn't quite translate in written text. I'm going to reference our good friend Spaff, here...parodies of his that are amusing take on a whole new level of hilarity when you hear them sung. I've got to get me some recording software....;-)

Weird Bob: thanks for coming forward, friend. (And this is where I will sound condescending)....As you're new here, I guess it's hard to know who is going to accept criticism amicably, and who is going to go into a tizz. My approach is to ALWAYS be upfront and honest, or say nothing. the worst anyone can do is say some nasty things to you and low-score your parodies...big deal! if they can't take it they shouldn't be here. You don't need to rescore me as an apology; you've got nothing to apologise for. So, no harm done...ROCK ON!!!
Paul Robinson - July 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Kristof - Well, I see that your "mystery critic" unveiled himself. Welcome aboard, Weird Bob. Sometimes it is a little dicey to be critical around here. I've bitten a few heads off myself on occasion...lol...But the criticism you posted at the top of the thread wasn't a 'cheap shot' or just some half-considered, half-assed dig at the writer here. It was a carefully considered and worded critique and a statement of style preference. If you can't post something like that then we're all wasting our time...at least if we really want to make progress towards improving our writing. As far as I'm concerned the only thing you risk when you post an honest and well-considered criticism is that some stubborn, bull-headed old fart parody writer like...well, like myself...lol..will tell you that you are wrong and then stomp off grumpily and continue doing things just like he always does....Yeah, I do tend to be wordy on occasion...
Stephen Harrington - July 18, 2006 - Report this comment
555, very good.
Agrimorfee - July 19, 2006 - Report this comment
It is good to be honest Weird Bob, but be very careful with your words. Some take it upon themselves to punish harsh words by voting undeserving 1's....not something I do, but it has been my unfortunate experience. Now then...(Parody challenge) Very good work, Kristof, as always....I find humor in purposely badly placed-accenting too. That adds to the subject matter at hand, in fact. 555
tomario - July 20, 2006 - Report this comment
oooh! my aching head. very funny it's nice to have a parody that we can all identify with ,great job. dont you hate anonymous critics !
Jeff Reuben - July 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Been there? Hell, this was my theme song in college! Still try to revisit the good old "Sponge" days (absorbed beer like a sponge, then after drinking too much, wrung out like a sponge!) Had me laughing!
Matthias - July 20, 2006 - Report this comment
When nature calls... give fives!
Johnny D - July 21, 2006 - Report this comment
(Parody Challenge) To Whom It May Concern: This is not "poetry", this is a song parody, which means these are lyrics that would be printed on sheet music of the original song's instrumentation ... and if you've ever looked at sheet music, you'd have seen that hyphenation and "stretching" of lyrics and sentence-structure has been a traditional practice of lyricists for generations. 555, Kristof, VERY well done!
Cat - July 22, 2006 - Report this comment
(Great Parody Challenge) See above!
bobpiecheese - July 22, 2006 - Report this comment
(Great Parody Challenge) No, I haven't been there, but that does't matter. What matters is that you nailed the pacing and gave me one of the biggest laughs I've had in yonks! Good on ya, mate!
Red Ant - July 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Darn, I missed a conversation about pacing and accented syllables! But, to add a bit: This OS, being sung fairly slowly, would not work very well, if at all, if one tried to cram in extra words (or syllables) to get a better flow or a grammatically correct line. Also, given the content, accents like "sta-di-um", and "strea-um", work toward an advantage, and are not a negative.

Kristof: Excellent work here, especially working with the short lines. Yep, familiar with the content too, though one doesn't have to be be hungover to find a furry animal licking your face (damned cat!). 555.
Stuart McArthur - July 23, 2006 - Report this comment
(PC) see above - and is there EVER a "good reason" for your pants to go missing? - and I loved your witty superhero-like "bounce-the-laser-back-to-the-attacker-by-holding-a-mirror-in-its-line reply to Anonymous Critic - lol

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