We couldn't call him Rover 'cause Rover is really a bore,
Yet we couldn't call him Max 'cause that's the name of the
Doberman who lives next door.
We couldn't call him Buddy 'cause we aren't Democrats,
We couldn't call him Jake 'cause that's what we call our cat.
We ran out of anything to call him so we called him "Schlitz".

Schlitz, Schlitz, we called him "Schlitz".
It sounds like a stupid name, as crazy as it gets.
The longer I think about it, calling him a beer brand,
The dumber it gets.
We thought of Rusty, then we thought of Dusty,
Finally, we called him "Schlitz".

It's never been harder to think of a name for a dog.
I don't know what I'm doin',
But my neighbors think I had a bit too much egg nog.
We couldn't call him Happy though he's always all smiles,
We couldn't call him Duke 'cause we won't forget Dave for awhile!
We had no other name to call him, so we called him "Schlitz".

Schlitz, Schlitz, we called him "Schlitz".
It sounds like a stupid name, as crazy as it gets.
The longer I think about it, calling him a beer brand,
The dumber it gets.
We thought of Scooter, then we thought of Shooter,
Finally, we called him "Schlitz".
We thoguht of Charlie, then we thought of Sparky
Finally we called him "Schlitz"...