I could sink in shallow bays,
And spear me an alewife,
Go snorkeling and snag a clam or two.
But I had to go and borrow
Some scuba gear, and now I'm feeling sorrow.

I've got the bends, the chokin' starts,
I came up much faster than I went down.
How can I stop this nitrogening?
There's no chamber around.
This feels much worse than smokin, man!
I shouldn't scuba, but just swim.
Back down I'll have to go then start
Comin' up--slow--again.

I feel the pressure's squeeze
On my lungs, then I sneeze
And olfactory mist begins to rise.
I'm so hungry for a churro
But don't think I'll surface till tomorrow.

From my back end I blow a fart,
Meanwhile, topside, the sun has just gone down.
My crewmate's got no light for shinin'.
Upward the bubbles bound.
Because he is a smokin' man,
He's got matches. . .make things less dim.
He strikes a spark to light the dark--
The blast nearly kills him.