I’ve got a problem that won’t go ‘way
It’s always growing
I’ve got a face ‘fro that’s on display
Yeah, it’s always showing

You see the stubble on me
Gotta do something about this bristle
Don’t you know that I need
Hedge trimmers for this thistle

Women and children scream at the sight
“It’s a yeti!”
Even shaving every day, every night
It’s itchy and it’s sweaty

See the stubble on me
It keeps on sprouting like wild kudzu
It’s a Chia chin, see?
It’s growing fast as bamboo

See the stubble on me
I can’t do nothin’ about my whiskers
It’s as stiff as can be
Broke twenty pair of Fiskars

See the stubble on me
I’m always hoping it might be slowing
It’s an instant goatee
My yard and face need mowing

See the stubble on me
But there’s another thing making you stare
When you watch me you’ll see
The planet’s fastest nose hair