You wake up ever balding
To a hot shower scalding
on your numbskull cranium of metal.
There’s a strand and there’s a nub
Fallen hairs clog your tub
And the drain screen is where they all settle.
And if your mane’s gone blind
Follicles hard to find
And you think it’s time to get back in the game.
If you want to impress chicks
You’ve got to pull out some new tricks
If you don’t you’ll be the only one to blame.

And you need
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, rent-a-rug
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, get-a-plug
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, hair soufflé
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, your toupee.
Wig out.

So if you’re feeling bald tension
You can get a new extension
The kind that flows like tropic golden fleece.
Get a new hair dryer
That’ll set the broads on fire
As they run their fingers thru your new hairpiece.
People see you with new combs
Instead of shiny upper domes,
You budget then to buy a new brush.
Get a perm, get a fro
Part it high, wear it low
Then make out to Deep Purple’s hit called “Hush”.

And you’ll be
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, rent-a-rug
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, get-a-plug
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, hair soufflé
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, your toupee.

Fake good hair, of Wig Bizness
New hairlines, lengthy vines, whoo!

Solo

You wake up ever balding
To a hot shower scalding
on your numbskull cranium of metal.
There’s a strand and there’s a nub
Fallen hairs clog your tub
And the drain screen is where they all settle.
And if your mane’s gone blind
Follicles hard to find
And you think it’s time to get back in the game.
If you want to impress chicks
You’ve got to pull out some new tricks
If you don’t you’ll be the only one to blame.

And you’ll be
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, rent-a-rug
Fakin’ Hair Wig Biznees, get-a-plug
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, hair soufflé
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness, your toupee.
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness
Fakin’ Hair Wig Bizness