Song Parodies -> I Ain't Got Internet
| Original Song Title: | "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" |
| Original Performer: | Bachmann Turner Overdrive |
| Parody Song Title: | "I Ain't Got Internet" |
| Parody Written by: | Phil Alexander |
In case anyone's been wondering where I am... this is by way of explanation. I'll get back to comment hopefully some point soon and with a bit more luck will be back on-line in a week or two.
Been having dreadful problems
[With] My broadband ISP
I'm getting 'xactly what I pay for
'Cause this "service" is for free
But having no net's a bad bet
So up will I get het
Mmm, yeah
Then I'll hold my head in my hands and sigh, and say
I ain't got internet
B-b-b-b-broadband
No, I ain't got internet
Offline for weeks and weeks and yet
B-b-b-b-bolloxed
No I ain't got in- in- internet
My children all are whining
They want connection so
They're always, ALWAYS asking
The answer's always "no"
I tell them don't fret on no net
But off me they won't let
(And my syntax I regret)
And so I block my ears with my hands and sigh, and say
I ain't got internet
D-d-disconnected
No I ain't got internet
Keep calling, keep calling, hours on hold and yet
On hold, on hold, on hold, on hold
No I ain't got internet
[Interminable on hold music]
Free net is a good net?
That's if only I could get
Oh, if only I could get
I call and call and call and stick one finger up at the phone
And say
I ain't got internet
P-p-p-p-pissed off
No I ain't got internet
Frustrating, frustrating me? Certainly, you bet
Oh no, no no, I ain't got internet
I ain't got internet
You see, I ain't got internet
No, no I ain't got internet
[With] My broadband ISP
I'm getting 'xactly what I pay for
'Cause this "service" is for free
But having no net's a bad bet
So up will I get het
Mmm, yeah
Then I'll hold my head in my hands and sigh, and say
I ain't got internet
B-b-b-b-broadband
No, I ain't got internet
Offline for weeks and weeks and yet
B-b-b-b-bolloxed
No I ain't got in- in- internet
My children all are whining
They want connection so
They're always, ALWAYS asking
The answer's always "no"
I tell them don't fret on no net
But off me they won't let
(And my syntax I regret)
And so I block my ears with my hands and sigh, and say
I ain't got internet
D-d-disconnected
No I ain't got internet
Keep calling, keep calling, hours on hold and yet
On hold, on hold, on hold, on hold
No I ain't got internet
[Interminable on hold music]
Free net is a good net?
That's if only I could get
Oh, if only I could get
I call and call and call and stick one finger up at the phone
And say
I ain't got internet
P-p-p-p-pissed off
No I ain't got internet
Frustrating, frustrating me? Certainly, you bet
Oh no, no no, I ain't got internet
I ain't got internet
You see, I ain't got internet
No, no I ain't got internet
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User Comments Follow...
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Just been there. The "new AT&T" left me DSL-free for five days.
(And my syntax I regret)...=) Nice job, Phil! 5s...
Geez, and here I thought it was because of some "Satanic" tie-in...since I happened to notice that when your Parody total on the "Author's Page" reached "666" you seemed to stop posting...so naturally and logically I assumed you had made some deal with the Devil that allowed you to write that many parodies but when you got to that number it was, you know, off to Hell with you...as a Scientist I'm sure you can understand my impeccable logic there...however...I guess I was wrong...bummer...well, I mean, not for you, of course. Anyway, glad to hear it's just your InterNet that's f*cked up...hmmm...that doesn't sound right either...Oh, Hell...5's on your parody, welcome back - good to see you posting again, yada-yada...OH...BTW - MY InterNet at HOME is not working and has not been working for a couple MONTHS now...I got tired of screwing with it...since I can get on-line from work...it's inconvenient sometimes, but...I'm not really all that fired-up about dealing with it right now...
Identifyin' and distillin' universality, a key to premium parodyin' me thinks-- Phil, you appear to be blessed with unlimited `mindwidth'
yeah, i'd be stutterin' too...nice job
Freebies are not all that good, huh? Good one! 5's
I feel it is important that while waiting one should stick the finger up at the phone
awesome Phil
Welcome back Phil. This was really funny.
very funny Phil, and perfect by way of explanation too, and I LOL'd at "And my syntax I regret" - 555
Arwen and Stu already picked out my favorite line. Paul, a similar thought crossed my mind too, lol. #667 is good for 555.
HAHAHA! THAT WAS GREAT! 5-5-5! But too bad bout the internet problems
LOL this is GREAT! 555!
Welcome back, Phil! Loved the syntax joke.....hope to see more of your wit on the site again. 555
Thanks, all :-) I'm glad my syntactically-challenged line brought the same sort of smile to your faces as it did to mine...
John - five days? With the general incompetence from both my past and future ISPs, I'm running at 8 weeks without a net connection... and I've got a bit of a backlog of parodies to post now ;-)
John - five days? With the general incompetence from both my past and future ISPs, I'm running at 8 weeks without a net connection... and I've got a bit of a backlog of parodies to post now ;-)
SOTM - A network techie put on hold by an internet provider? My sympathies for that situation or yours is purely personal. :-P
SOTM-nice work 555
(SOTM) Nice textual parody of the s-s-s-stutters in addition to the entire song.
(SOTM) Sorry to hear about your internet woes, Phil. Great to read another Alexander though. Hopefully, we'll be seeing more of you soon. Yes "(and my syntax I regret)" is brilliant. I liked the visuals too. 555
(SOTM) see above - masterful write as always - makes us realise what we're missing with you being away - you have this ability to always find the perfect OS for the job, and you always nail it - great stuff - 555
www.fivefivefive.com
(SOTM) See above!
(SOTM) Since my last post, I obtained DSL service. Makes me wonder exactly why I held on to dial-up for so long. Aside from installation issues (which were corrected with a 30 minute phone call to a techie who know exactly what she doing), I love it. Here's hoping your luck turns out better than it has. See above
I see you were once a Juno customer.----MM
(SOTM) Yes, there's a reason it's free. If it's not government funded I don't know what is. ;-) 5's
SOTM - My folks had Juno for more than 5 years with few problems ... it was just embarassingly slow. You get what you pay for. The extra glitches of DSL are free bonuses that are included in the higher price.
Sotm-Back to no internet with the Jailhouse rock? Hope that works out for you soon. In the meantime, nice job with this one.
(SOTM) That's the best way to explain an absence of writing parodies - write a parody about it!
Update: it turns out that the problem isn't with my new ISP, although they've been basically useless; the cause is my old ISP not releasing the hold they have on my phone line, even though they (by law) have to. And they *still* haven't, the incompetent bastards.
(SOTM) articulate rant, Philbo. And you're right, they ARE incompetent bas..what you said. 555
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