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Song Parodies -> "I Ain't Got Internet"

Original Song Title:

"You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet"

Original Performer:

Bachmann Turner Overdrive

Parody Song Title:

"I Ain't Got Internet"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

In case anyone's been wondering where I am... this is by way of explanation. I'll get back to comment hopefully some point soon and with a bit more luck will be back on-line in a week or two.
Been having dreadful problems
[With] My broadband ISP
I'm getting 'xactly what I pay for
'Cause this "service" is for free
But having no net's a bad bet
So up will I get het
Mmm, yeah
Then I'll hold my head in my hands and sigh, and say

I ain't got internet
No, I ain't got internet
Offline for weeks and weeks and yet
No I ain't got in- in- internet

My children all are whining
They want connection so
They're always, ALWAYS asking
The answer's always "no"
I tell them don't fret on no net
But off me they won't let
(And my syntax I regret)
And so I block my ears with my hands and sigh, and say

I ain't got internet
No I ain't got internet
Keep calling, keep calling, hours on hold and yet
On hold, on hold, on hold, on hold
No I ain't got internet

[Interminable on hold music]

Free net is a good net?
That's if only I could get
Oh, if only I could get
I call and call and call and stick one finger up at the phone
And say

I ain't got internet
P-p-p-p-pissed off
No I ain't got internet
Frustrating, frustrating me? Certainly, you bet
Oh no, no no, I ain't got internet

I ain't got internet
You see, I ain't got internet
No, no I ain't got internet

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   23

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Barry - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Just been there. The "new AT&T" left me DSL-free for five days.
Arwen - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
(And my syntax I regret)...=) Nice job, Phil! 5s...
Paul Robinson - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Geez, and here I thought it was because of some "Satanic" tie-in...since I happened to notice that when your Parody total on the "Author's Page" reached "666" you seemed to stop naturally and logically I assumed you had made some deal with the Devil that allowed you to write that many parodies but when you got to that number it was, you know, off to Hell with a Scientist I'm sure you can understand my impeccable logic there...however...I guess I was wrong...bummer...well, I mean, not for you, of course. Anyway, glad to hear it's just your InterNet that's f*cked up...hmmm...that doesn't sound right either...Oh, Hell...5's on your parody, welcome back - good to see you posting again, yada-yada...OH...BTW - MY InterNet at HOME is not working and has not been working for a couple MONTHS now...I got tired of screwing with it...since I can get on-line from's inconvenient sometimes, but...I'm not really all that fired-up about dealing with it right now...
TJC - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Identifyin' and distillin' universality, a key to premium parodyin' me thinks-- Phil, you appear to be blessed with unlimited `mindwidth'
alvin rhodes - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
yeah, i'd be stutterin' too...nice job
Adagio - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Freebies are not all that good, huh? Good one! 5's
Ann Hammond - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
I feel it is important that while waiting one should stick the finger up at the phone
malcolm higgins - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
awesome Phil
Peregrin - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Welcome back Phil. This was really funny.
Stuart McArthur - September 20, 2006 - Report this comment
very funny Phil, and perfect by way of explanation too, and I LOL'd at "And my syntax I regret" - 555
Red Ant - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Arwen and Stu already picked out my favorite line. Paul, a similar thought crossed my mind too, lol. #667 is good for 555.
The Charnstar - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
HAHAHA! THAT WAS GREAT! 5-5-5! But too bad bout the internet problems
Jack Wilson - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL this is GREAT! 555!
Kristof Robertson - September 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Welcome back, Phil! Loved the syntax joke.....hope to see more of your wit on the site again. 555
Phil Alexander - September 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, all :-) I'm glad my syntactically-challenged line brought the same sort of smile to your faces as it did to mine...
John - five days? With the general incompetence from both my past and future ISPs, I'm running at 8 weeks without a net connection... and I've got a bit of a backlog of parodies to post now ;-)
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - October 07, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - A network techie put on hold by an internet provider? My sympathies for that situation or yours is purely personal. :-P
tomario - October 09, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-nice work 555
Agrimorfee - October 11, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Nice textual parody of the s-s-s-stutters in addition to the entire song.
Rick C - October 18, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Sorry to hear about your internet woes, Phil. Great to read another Alexander though. Hopefully, we'll be seeing more of you soon. Yes "(and my syntax I regret)" is brilliant. I liked the visuals too. 555
Stuart McArthur - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above - masterful write as always - makes us realise what we're missing with you being away - you have this ability to always find the perfect OS for the job, and you always nail it - great stuff - 555
Matthias - October 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Jack Wilson - October 22, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Red Ant - October 23, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Since my last post, I obtained DSL service. Makes me wonder exactly why I held on to dial-up for so long. Aside from installation issues (which were corrected with a 30 minute phone call to a techie who know exactly what she doing), I love it. Here's hoping your luck turns out better than it has. See above
Michael McVey - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
I see you were once a Juno customer.----MM
Tim Mayfield - October 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Yes, there's a reason it's free. If it's not government funded I don't know what is. ;-) 5's
wannabemustangjockey - October 29, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - My folks had Juno for more than 5 years with few problems ... it was just embarassingly slow. You get what you pay for. The extra glitches of DSL are free bonuses that are included in the higher price.
Jeff Reuben - October 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Sotm-Back to no internet with the Jailhouse rock? Hope that works out for you soon. In the meantime, nice job with this one.
bobpiecheese - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That's the best way to explain an absence of writing parodies - write a parody about it!
Phil Alexander - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Update: it turns out that the problem isn't with my new ISP, although they've been basically useless; the cause is my old ISP not releasing the hold they have on my phone line, even though they (by law) have to. And they *still* haven't, the incompetent bastards.
Kristof Robertson - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) articulate rant, Philbo. And you're right, they ARE incompetent bas..what you said. 555

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