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Song Parodies -> "I Ain't Been Ham-uh-let"

Original Song Title:

"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet"

Original Performer:

Bachmann Turner Overdrive

Parody Song Title:

"I Ain't Been Ham-uh-let"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Just one pacing caveat: you have to sing "Hamlet" with three syllables, by sticking an "uh" in the middle. But I think that adds to the humour, rather than singing "Hamlet yet" or "that Hamlet" or some such.
I met an aging actor
He spoke to me one day
Couldn't get a word in edgeways
Till he had had his say
He said "Ooh, I've played some great parts
But there's one I could not get
No there's one I could not get
The Danish prince escaped me,"
He said

"I ain't been Ham-uh-let
L-l-l-luvvie, no
I ain't been Ham-uh-let
In my career that is my one re-re-gret
No no, no no, no no I ain't been Ham-uh-let"

He said "I've done commercials
And other sell-out stuff
I even did some porno
But my parts weren't big enough"
He said that any part's a great part
But the Bard has the best yet
"And though my Bottom has been highly prized,"
He said

"I ain't been Ham-uh-let
B-b-b-arred from me
No I ain't been Ham-uh-let
And I've been Henry, Third, Fourth and Fifth and yet
No no, no no, no no I ain't been Ham-uh-let

"I ain't been Ham-uh-let
To be or not to be?
Not to be Ham-uh-let
I've done the Scottish play, I've even been Macbet
No no, no no, no no I ain't been Ham-uh-let"

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   3
 2
 3
 
 5   17
 17
 17
 

User Comments

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Tim Mayfield - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm hoarse, I'm hoarse, been laughing now I'm hoarse. Great stuff.
Arwen - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
FABulous job, Phil...=)
alvin rhodes - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
wonderfully written...bravo...5s plus
Johnny D - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Bravo, Philbo, fivesooth! Next summer, I will perform in a Shakespeare play for the first time --- I'm going to play the part of Pompey in "Measure For Measure", at a local Shakespeare-in-the-park production.
Johnny D - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
And that should have said not "at a local Shakespeare-in-the-park production", but, rather, "in a local Shakespeare-in-the-park production".
Steve K. - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Considering the deliberate stuttering in TOS, an extra syllable for Ham-uh-let is quite appropriate.
Phil Alexander - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone - hope the Shakespeare goes well, JD: don't know Measure for Measure very well, come to think of it, I don't know it at all. Ah, well, I suppose he did do rather a lot...
Ravyn Rant - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Nicely done! The second verse is a hoot, especially the 'bottom' line. Fives from the Ravyn...the rest is silence.
Michael Pacholek - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Everyone dies at the end... dies laughing, that is.
Rex - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
To five, or not to five, that is the question...wait a minute, what am I thinking? Definitely, it is "to five"!
carol - October 19, 2005 - Report this comment
O thou great writer may I give thee 5's?
Ethan Mawyer - November 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Oct sotm - well written, but somewhat short of the bar you've set for yourself. Such is the trouble with brilliance.
Josh 2 - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) dkots, wouldnt call it hilarious, 4s
Arwen - November 09, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...Hamlet is my very favorite piece by the Bard...and this is almost as good as the play...; )
Agrimorfee - November 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Much ado about this thing! Loved the porno/parts couplet.
Adagio - November 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I know I read this some time ago and even commented...the s-s-s-s-s-s-ttutering and the no no no no no STILL crack me up. : D 5's
Peter Andersson - November 19, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - What I thought to myself when checking this one out has already been highlighted by Steve K, so I'll just second him, and fifth you, but I will also comment on the fact that you managed to tangent that everyday good locking actors (okey, actresses) dilemma; do porn - or not do porn.
Rick C - November 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well written and funny (as usual, sir). Sorry I missed it when it posted, Phil. I haven't been around these parts very much lately. I do hope to change that soon.
Phil Alexander - November 22, 2005 - Report this comment
No need to apologise, Rick: nobody can keep track of every parody posted on this site...
Peter - you mean something like this:
Do porn, or not do porn: that is the question
Whether 'tis bigger on the screen, to stuff her
The wooden accents of outrageous acting
...hmm.. needs work, methinks
wannabemustangjockey - November 23, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - "parts" weren't big enough, eh? Talk about discrimination! Shame on them...
Red Ant - November 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excluding the stuttered lines which are probably close to impossible to pace perfectly I couldn't get some of this to work in a karaoke to TOS. The second verse was excellent and if I remembered my Shakespeare better I'd probably find it funnier.
Johnny D - November 26, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, lest equivPhilbocation undo us!
Tim Mayfield - November 27, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - I think 'Shakespeare in the Park' is a better idea than 'Shakespeare in the dark'.
stuart mcarthur - November 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) very clever, concise, droll and punchy - and some very funny lines, such as "And I've been Henry, Third, Fourth and Fifth and yet" and the McBet line and the Bottom line - 555
Scathe - November 29, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very artistic, Phil.
Kristof Robertson - November 29, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Shakesperian parodies always get me, Phil...wonderful wordplay and innuendo, and an inspired choice of OS. Cracking stuff. 555
Dee Range - November 29, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM Loved the porno part...parts weren't big enough made me lol. Great stuff, Phil
Claude Prez - November 29, 2005 - Report this comment
The extra syllable worked great for me. For additional enjoyment, I imagined BTO singing this in Shakespearean garb. Pretty frightening, actually. Very funny, clever stuff as always.
Spaff.com - November 30, 2005 - Report this comment
You mean "Hamlet" isn't supposed to be pronounced with three syllables? Don't I feel like an idiot. Next you'll say "Macbet" actually ends with an H.

Fun stuff, Philbo. Everyone else has already pointed out a lot of my fave lines, but I call dibs on the "barred" pun. Ha!

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