Song Parodies -> A Norse With No Pain

Original Song Title:	"A Horse With No Name"
Original Performer:	America

Parody Song Title:	"A Norse With No Pain"
Parody Written by:	Johnny D

In the first part of the battle
I was looking at all the fights
There were grunts and groans and rocks in slings
There were hands on hilts and shields
The first one I killed was a guy with some fuzz
And he died looking proud
The blood was hot and the ground was red
And the air was full of sound

I'm fearless in battle
I'm a Norse with no pain
It felt good to stand over my slain
In the battle
You can dismember and maim
'Til there ain't no one
For to fight who remains

Thor!
Thor!
Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor!
Odin-Thor!
Thor!
Thor!

Thor!
Thor!
Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor!
Loki-Thor!
Thor!
Thor!

After two days of that battle fun
My enemies were all dead
After three days, with the battle done,
I was pillaging the village sheds
And the stories we told of that battle so bold
Made me glad I'm Eric The Red

You see, I'm fearless in battle
I'm a Norse with no pain
It feels good to stand over my slain
When you're fighting
You can't remember your name
You just hack helmets
'Til you're sprayed with them brains

Thor!
Thor!
Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor!
Odin-Thor!
Thor!
Thor!

Thor!
Thor!
Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor!
Loki-Thor!
Thor!
Thor!

After nine days of all that Norseman glee
We packed up and returned to sea
We would grunt and groan, we'd laugh and sing,
All our hands had gilt gold rings
The ocean is our highway to our next battleground
It's the road to the life we love -
Plunder the cities, wisely cart blades around,
Cuttin' humans, spillin' more blood !

You see, I'm fearless in battle
I'm a Norse with no pain
It's so cold here it snows, never rains
Like a desert
Our land's a cold rocky plain
That's why we set forth
To rape, pillage, and maim!

Thor!
Thor!
Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor!
Odin-Thor!
Thor!
Thor!

Thor!
Thor!
Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor-Thor!
Loki-Thor!
Thor!
Thor!

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User Comments Follow...

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Rick D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Johnnie, I use this song as an example of idiocy and poor grammer in lyric writing (at least for non-rap songs) with the line "Ain't no one for to give you no pain" With its triple negative and "for to" I cringe every time. So I sez to myself when I see the title, I know my Johnnie will figure out a way to keep that atrocity and mock it. You keep me in awe and on my toes. You ain't never gonna not come through.

Johnny D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Rick - you honor me, sir, with your gracious words - especially since they come from you, a member of the hilariously-talented "musical twosical" we all know and love as "RAD & MAD" ! Happy New Year to you and your charming and lovely wife!

Melhi - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

I saw the title and thought, "hmmm... vikings... ugh... this isn't going to be my cuppa, so I'm not going to know what he's earned in the middle category. I guess I'll read it now and watch the feedback so I can come back and vote more objectively in that category, later in the day." Just goes to show you can't always judge a parody by the title or the theme. VERY nicely done.

Adagio - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Johnny, Vikings wouldn't be my favirite theme to read, but knowing you as an author, you made it interesting. :) 5's

Adagio - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Uh...maybe that's Norsemen?

David Chrenko - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

That Thor ith a thwell thong parody, Broththther! Happy New Year, Johnny!

Mari D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Macho but enjoyable! Is it just me, or do the patterns of "Thor! Thor!", etc. look like swords?

Rick D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

If you squint, they kind of look like the state of Texas.

Michael Pacholek - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Somebody's been taking too much Thor-azine.

Guy - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

JD - This song is very THOR-aputic if you're into death and destruction. Well done as usual.

Johnny D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanks Melhi, Adagio, David, Mari D, Michael, and Guy!

Swords? I hadn't thought of that...perhaps...or maybe daggers?

Texas, eh? That's a good one - everything's bigger in Texas, right? I've been there - Houston, Austion, San Antonio, The Alamo, The Riverwalk....great places!

Johnny D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Ooops, I invented a new Texan city called "Austion", didn't I ? Sorry, folks, I meant "Austin". Did I spell it right that time? I just got back from a New Year's Day dinner which included a bottle of Italian chardonnay and a shot of Laphroaig scotch, so my eye-keyboard coordination is especially fabulous and stellar at the moment.

Michael McVey - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

A second set of 5's from the Alamo City on this one. Very creative. -- MM

Johnny D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanks, MM.

Jude Rodamer - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Well Done...and fun!!

Johnny D - January 01, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanks, Jude!

... - January 04, 2004 - Report this comment

Good job.

Johnny D - January 04, 2004 - Report this comment

Thank you Ellipsis!

mac - February 04, 2004 - Report this comment

What if A Norse With No Pain road on The Horse That Shot Flame? It would be A World Not the Same.

Johnny D - February 04, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanks mac!

Meriadoc - February 05, 2004 - Report this comment

Oooh! Just caught this one! I give you five blood eagles!

Johnny D - February 05, 2004 - Report this comment

Thank you, Merry!

Will - February 17, 2004 - Report this comment

You did a great job with this parody, Johnny! "A Horse With No Name" was one of my favorite songs to parody ("Of Course He's To Blame") because the rhymes were easy to twist.

Johnny D - February 19, 2004 - Report this comment

Will - good to hear from you! And thanks very much.

Hey! What if those two DID meet? - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment

On the back of this steed,/I'm the Norse with no pain,/under me is the Horse that shot flame./We are double-trouble/with the flame and the pain/from my Greataxe counting all of the slain-(wow! this pacing thing is Hard !5's all around to both parodies from me!)

Johnny D - March 19, 2004 - Report this comment

Thanks "Hey! What if those two DID meet?" !

Paul Robinson - March 22, 2004 - Report this comment

Johnny D - Great job! 5-5-5...I missed this when it first was posted. Let's see, Jan. 1st...OH...I think I spent that day on the ledge trying to decide if I should jump (just kidding, but I was a mess). RICK D - I love this Jan.1 comment of yours about the original songs miserable grammar exhibition. "You ain't never gonna not come through" When I managed Crenshaw Car Wash the last time (1986, I think), I had this really fantastic Line Manager named Marco. He was from Guatemala. Sharp guy, had plenty going on upstairs, very bright. Anyway, English....well, people understood him because he put plenty of emphasis into everything. When he told one of the workers "Listen, you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER NOT gonna do that again" I never heard a single one of them ask him what he meant.

John Jenkins - March 22, 2004 - Report this comment

I agree with all of the previous comments (except that it's probably too late to wish you a happy new year). A very bloody, but entertaining, trip back a thousand years or so into history.

Johnny D - March 22, 2004 - Report this comment

Thank you very much, Paul R. & John J.

More from "what if...." - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment

A swing of my axe /and a shot of the flame/really puts the Grim Reaper to shame..(Hmmmm..)

Ernesto R - August 15, 2006 - Report this comment

Very well thought out and good rhythm! If you can sing just about anything, LOOKOUT Wierd Al Yankovic! Very Viking...made a lot more sense than "A Horse With No Name" which reminds me of an illegal alien on a stolen horse that's gonna die with somebody else's horse in the desert "Only thing missing is "They took away my free tortillas now I've got them gas pains ...from too many beans...and I'm going insane...la la la la la la la!"

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Song Parodies -> A Norse With No Pain

"A Horse With No Name"

America

"A Norse With No Pain"

Johnny D

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