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Song Parodies -> "Down on the River"

Original Song Title:

"Down by the River"

Original Performer:

Albert Hammond

Parody Song Title:

"Down on the River"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

When Black people gamble, it's called "vice". When Italians gamble, it's "organized crime". When American Indians do it, it's "economic opportunity". The government calls their take of the action "voluntary taxation". I always liked this Albert Hammond song. Great melody. My version runs an extra verse. I hoped that's allowed.
Tax receipts were slowing down
So the city fathers gathered round
Said "Let's fleece the folks from out of town"
Down on the river
Slot machines by law were banned
When situated on the land
But on a boat were fine and grand
Down on the river

Down on the river, down on the river
Pull the lever with your hand
Down on the river

They quickly built a riverboat
It was just a barge moored in a moat
But it allowed the slots to float
Down on the river
The budget soon was in the black
The schools for nothing they did lack
The cops all drove Cadillacs
Thanks to the river

Thanks to the river, thanks to the river
We'll all live in luxury
Thanks to the river

In time they built a couple more
Casinos there along the shore
And then another three or four
Down on the river
The revenues were spreading thin
Reality was setting in
They raised the taxes once again
Down on the river

Down on the river, down on the river
The city raised its cut again
Down on the river

By now the tourists ceased to roam
There was no need to stray from home
They had casinos of their own
Down on their rivers
The locals to the boats still went
They bet the groceries and the rent
Their weekly paychecks all were spent
Down on the river

Down on the river, down on the river
The losers wailed a sad lament
Down on the river

The city now was in the red
The Main Street stores were closed and dead
The council members scratched their heads
Where was the river?
There was still some hope left yet
A horse or dog track we will get
No fool stepped up to take that bet
There was no giver.

On down the river, on down the river
The gambling boats all sailed away
On down the river
Kansas City, Kansas had a fairly successful dog and horse racing track. A few months ago the state decided it wanted a bigger percentage of the proceeds. The track closed. The state, as usual, got greedy. Then they got nothing.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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AFW - February 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I like the way your parody shows both the good and bad of casino and racetrack gambling
Patrick - February 10, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm glad you liked the song. I never understood why a slot machine was a crime in one place and a prized revenue source a few feet away. The mayor of North Kansas City, Missouri, a major beneficiary of casino revenue once said he wished the boats had never come, because they created as many problems as they solved. Every dollar spent on the boats, most of which went to out of town corporations, was one dollar less going to a local restaurant, clothing store, theater, etc.
Meriadoc - July 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Patrick - had to check this out 'cus of the OS. Nice to see someone do this tune. Good job on the parody too!
Peregrin - July 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Concur! Great parody and also great OS, Albert was ahead of his time.

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