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Song Parodies -> "Double Shot Of Amphetamine"

Original Song Title:

"Double Shot Of My Baby's Love"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Swingin' Medallions

Parody Song Title:

"Double Shot Of Amphetamine"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Should we *really* be dosing six-year-olds (or in some cases, three-year-olds) with powerful stimulants like Ritalin™ and amphetamine (Adderall™ and others) for ADD (Attention-Deficit Disorder) or ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)? What if, say, we were to take the TVs out of their cribs, cut out the sugar, and make school a little less boring?

OS lyrics here. Nice YouTube video here. ... Don't usually post on Mondays, as work is slammed (isn't everyone's?), so please forgive me if I'm not back here until Tuesday night US time.

(intro: whooping and shouting)

Woke up this morning, my ass was all lead
I felt like I couldn't get out of bed
No, I didn't sleep last night (ugh! oh, no!)
So hear me whine of terrible plight
I felt not so strong, like a limp lump of lard,
That waking up seemed severely hard (zzzz)
No coffee mine; need no stinkin' caffeine
I took a double shot of amphetamine

Double shot of amphetamine (pep, no lack)
Workin' now; focus: really keen (sharp as tack!)
I'm super-star; no Starbucks' roast bean
I took a double shot of amphetamine

[interlude, played really fast]

Took this little pill; so alert is me
It's much safer than Xtasy
So clever: turning quips; of my brilliant thoughts, proud (woot!)
A couple of tabs, and I was way above the crowd
ADHD can be terribly tough
But my doctor gives me lots of bottles of stuff
It might be a sin; I'm barely a teen
More prescriptions, Doctor! Lots of amphetamine!

ά-methyl-phen-wow-amine! [1] (buzz, buzz, buzz)
Turns your school into swingin' scene (no fear: fuzz) [2]
Makes us fat A-mericans lean [3]
We should all take a lot of amphetamine!

Methylxanthines: not *my* cuisine (cold or hot) [4]
Fashion models: Size 2 from Queen- (vomit: not)
Get so thin that you're barely seen (Kate Moss: dot)

[repeating and fading away to skin and bones]




[*] Feel free to skip the geeky footnotes -- everyone else does.

[1] (If the Greek letter didn't come out right in your browser, it was "alpha".)
Alpha-methyl-phenethlyamine is the chemical name for the substance in question [(A)lpha-(M)ethyl-(PHE)ne(T)hly(AMINE) - hence the name]: a physical, mental, and emotional (euphoric) stimulant. Phenethylamine alone, without the methyl group at the alpha position, also known as PEA, is the "love molecule": its levels are greatly increased when you're in love (that ecstatic feeling), or when you've eaten a huge box of chocolates (it's the psychoactive ingredient in them). "Love" (with the proper precautions, of course) is better for you and won't make you fat, or, as the old saying goes, "Candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth".

[2] "fuzz" = the police (US only?) We "crack" down on drugs, have "zero-tolerance" policies, but force drugs on the kids that they later grind up and snort anyway.... Go figure!

[3] Also a powerful appetite suppressant and antidepressant, and was widely used as such fifty years ago, until the Food and Drug Administration put a damper on that. (See "Valley of the Dolls", © Jacqueline Susann.) And also a growth suppressant in children who are still growing, or at least, "should" be. [soapbox] Get better teachers and quit doping our kids! [/soapbox]

[4] Methylxanthines: the chemical class of stimulants that includes not only caffeine, but also theophylline (found in tea) and theobromine, found in tea and chocolate.

As for TOS, it doesn't sound like their medallions were all that they were swingin', if ya get my drift.

Ritalin ® Novartis AG (formerly CIBA). Addderall ® Shire US Inc., but see the warnings and FDA rebuke for misleading advertising here. (If yer doc insists, the generics for both have been available for decades, and cost a lot less.) All else © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Tim Hall - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Great writing, but do not forget past amphetamine users like truck drivers and even Adolf Hitler
Matthias - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
This was great I was a victim of this drug back in the day.... They thought I had ADD back in middle school and I was forced to take this around the clock. This was a great parody about what people like me had to go through, and I agree whole-heartily with the above comments that pretty much would stop all cases of ADD in my opinion as well.
Theo Filinn - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Any way you ADD it up, this double-shot of a crackin' ά-jekyl-fine-lol-a'scene parody suited me to a T!
alvin - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
reallylovedyourparodybutigottagonowthingstodoandpeopletosee
Andria - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job, and I'd have to admit that even I am a past amphetamine user, having been put on Adderall as a small child. 5s.
Andria - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
And no, I no longer take Adderall, since my ADD diagnosis proved to be false.
Jim Rotondo - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Well done TT, great memories of grinding teeth and big black pupils in the Seventies! I'll be awake all night just thinking about it.
Andy Primus - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Fine parody as usual - Throughout my schooldays in the 60's & 70's I don't remember any kids having a problem with ADHD. The nearest thing I can think of is that one mate had a problem with AC/DC (couldn't get tickets - sold out). Come to think of it I can't remember anyone having a problem with allergies either. Our school dinners were freshly cooked meat & 2 veg. Then I'd go home and have a freshly cooked evening meal of meat & 2 veg. I wonder if there's a connection there.
AFW - May 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Love the sarcasm, here
Mark Scotti - May 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Really good job on this one, Turtle. I have personal experience with this stuff, and it does work. Speeding you some fives(actually they should be fifty's after that wonderful tribute you posted! Thanks Again!!!)
Tommy Turtle - May 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Tim Hall: And WW II pilots and soldiers on all sides... IIRC, AH (cool initials, huh?) got methamphetamine injections -- the same "meth" that's a hot-button topic today. Thanks for v/c, Tim.

Matthias: Sorry that you too were a victim, and thanks for the support on the opinion... and of course, for v/c.

Theo Filinn: Having been diagnosed not only with ADD, but also with SUBTRACT, and trying to multiply every chance I get at the Great Divide, would that make TT a polymath? lol... thanks for v/c, Ruler of Theo-cracy.

alvin:thanksmuchforv/ciunderstandhowyoufeelnoproblem

Andria: My understanding is that this "disease" is grossly over-diagnosed. So much easier to hand out pills than to examine the home and school environment, much less change it. My sympathies, and glad you escaped. Thanks for v/c, Andria.

Jim Rotondo: OMG, is "everyone" here a victim? Perhaps the flight of ideas (racing thoughts) is an aid to parody -- and FWIW, I've read that ADD is much more common among the more intelligent. As with Andria and Matthias, my sympathies, and thanks for v/c.

Andy Primus: I've not the slightest doubt that the increasing reliance on fast, fatty, sugary, junk food, esp. here in the US, is a big contributor to a lot of problems, esp. this one. And nice crack on AC/DC -- I thought you meant he had questions about his sexuality lol). Thanks for v/c, Andy.

AFW, thanks.

Mark Scotti: So, no diagnosis, just "off the street" supples, huh? :-) :-) *Now* we know the secret of your parody success -- guess I should have tributed the drug, not the writer (roflmao!). j/k. Thanks for v/c, Mark, and did you bring enough for *everyone"?

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