(Spoken)
Is he really going out with her?
There he is, let's ask him...
Kristof, is that a neckbrace you're wearin'?....mmhmm
Gee, it must be great goin' out with a cheerleader!
Is she really agile and athletic? Uh....no.
By the way, where'd you meet her?

I met her at homecoming game
She tried a cartwheel, overshot..
And gave me whiplash.. (Surely not!)
That's when I fell for
Cheerleader at the back! (Gimme a K!!)

It seems she's always tumblin' down (down down)
She looks like an angel, moves like a clown
(Hey, her lack of talent is the talk of the whole town)
And although she's real bad
The head coach is her dad
That's why she was a
Cheerleader at the back!! (Gimme a L!!)

She brought down a pyr'mid on her debut
Tried a high kick and kicked off her shoe
(Well, it hit the face of the new quarterback, Stu)
And as he was stretchered off
Boy, I knew I was in luff..
My ungainly angel..
Cheerleader at the back!! (Gimme a U!!!)

(Spoken)
Her crooked smile, and coke-bottle specs
With complexion, pale like snow
As she ran across to the marching band, I begged her to go slow
But her hearing aid,................ it was on "low"
LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!.....CRASSSHHHHH!!!!

I felt so helpless, what could I do?
She saw not the bass drum and fell right through
The quarterback was repaired
The running back has quit, the tight end's scared
It's time to retire..
Cheerleader at the back!! (Gimme a TZ!!)

(For) cheerleader at the back, it all went wrong..(repeat)