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Song Parodies -> "Sympathy for the Pope"

Original Song Title:

"Sympathy for the Devil"

Original Performer:

The Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"Sympathy for the Pope"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man in a white silk dress
I'm coming to the UK soon, and
That's the cause of some distress

'Cause I was 'round when fiddlin' priests
Had their moments of causing pain
Made damn sure that the police
Were not told.. again and again

Pleased to meet you
You can kiss my ring
'Cause in the Vatican
City, I'm the king

I can't abide homosexuals
I tell them it's a time for a change
Tell people not to use condoms
While Africa drowns in AIDS

One central plank:
It's a sin to wank
Tho' there's corruption in
The Vat'can bank

Pleased to meet you
Have you seen my cross?
'Cause in the Vatican
City, I'm the boss

Who's calling me
The Holy See.. you en tee
When after rape was done
I said "no abortion"

I won't allow
Use of contraception
Got a really strange
Sense of proportion

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of guilt and spin
And I've said that ordination
Of women priests is a deadly sin

Pleased to meet you
Being Pope's no fun
But in the Vatican
City, I'm number one

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
It isn't Palpatine
But it could be, just the same

'Cause not every priest is a paedophile
And not all saints are good
I'm the Pope
And I'm a Catholic
And, yes, bears do shit in the wood

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, show some class
Don't even think of quoting Dawkins
Or I'll excommunicate your ass

Pleased to meet you
Have you seen my cross?
'Cause in the Vatican
City, I'm the boss

In the Vat'can, I'm the boss
In the Vat'can City, I'm the tops
In the Vat'can, I get cross
I tell you one time, I'm the boss

Hey.. a security code of "R8D"... can it be coincidence that these are Richard Dawkins' initials?

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
As a Polish-American (but a Protestant one), I'm not happy that the Polish Pope was replaced with a German one. And while Benedict did a nice job at the old Yankee Stadium a couple of years ago, he still has one of those smiles that makes you think he's up to something. If he, rather than John Paul, had started out as an actor, and unlike John Paul had stuck with it, he would have made a great James Bond villain. You know what they call the rhythm method these days? "Vatican Roulette."
Old Man Ribber - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
If Luther were alive today, there might be a few additional theses to the original ninety-five. (As it is, the overwhelming number of the abuses have been addressed and remedied.) I'm nailing The 5-5-5 Scores to the door of Amiright! ;D
John Barry - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Loved the "bears line," as well as all the rest.
Patrick - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Managed to make it through many years of Catholic education without being molested. Though covering up such things is inexcusable. The next Pope will likely be a younger man, perhaps non-European, and almost certainly less rigid on issues of ordination of married men. The Catholic Church has many married priests now, in the Eastern Rite. Also, a number of Anglican and Lutheran ministers have converted to the Catholic church in part as a reaction against their hierarchies' acceptance of homosexuality. There is no permanent doctrinal reason not to allow married men into the priesthood. In addition, the greater acceptance of homosexuals in the wider society means that gays might not be as inclined to see the priesthood as a "respectable" place to hide their orientation. During WWII Joseph Ratzinger was a member of the Hitler Youth (as were all German boys). He deserted from his anti-aircraft unit in the last days of the war. A right-wing French novel "Camp of the Saints" gave the fictional Pope the name Benedict XVI, but stated his nationality as Brazilian. The Catholic Church is nothing if not adaptable. How else could it have survived as long as it has?
norCalCatlicker - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
very good, Magnifique & tres amusant MonSieur, Sir Phil-Up .
Phil Alexander - September 14, 2010 - Report this comment
:-) Thanks all

Michael - he might possibly have got the part of Palpatine (having never seen them together, who knows?)

OMR - I don't think the current lot is quite as corrupt as in Luther's day, or at least not as venal. However, it's every bit as bad in other ways: the cover-up and attempt to make out that nothing was wrong until conclusively proven otherwise while still claiming moral authority is about as hypocritical as any human being has ever managed.

JB - had to fit that in there somewhere :-)

Patrick - so (I'm happy to say) did most pupils.. It is the church heirarchy's reaction to the abuses over decades (and who knows, maybe even centuries) which has been the truly awful thing. I agree that the Catholic Church is adaptable, but it does keep pretending that it's not changing

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