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Song Parodies -> "Silent Is Calvin"

Original Song Title:

"Silence Is Golden"

Original Performer:

The Four Seasons

Parody Song Title:

"Silent Is Calvin"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

No, not the comic-strip boy with Hobbes the stuffed tiger. The story, which is too good to be true but too good to not WANT it to be true, is that someone walked up to Calvin Coolidge, the man they called Silent Cal for being so careful with words, and said, "Mr. President, I have a bet that I can get you to say three words to me." And Coolidge said, "You lose." He didn't do much in office either, and he and guys like Andrew Mellon let big business run the country, leading to Herbert Hoover taking the fall for the Depression, while Coolidge gets away scot-free in history. And he was also known for sleeping 12 hours a day. Ronald Reagan called Coolidge his favorite President. Gee, I wonder why?
Oh, don't it hurt deep inside
to know Harding has gone to the grave?
Oh, don't it pain to see country cry?
Though especially when words Cal does save.

Silent is Calvin
this my eyes do see.
Silent is Calvin Coolidge
this my eyes do see.

Talk not so cheap
you will sow, shall ye reap
when to nowhere your words seem to go.
How can we tell, he keeps hidden so well.
What he's thinking we never will know.

Doo-doo-doo, doo-we-doo-wah-wah.
Doo-doo-doo, we-ooh.

How many times will the Teapot Dome lies
be covered by "Keep Coolidge, Keep Cool?"
And, if the stocks ever fall on the rocks
it is Hoover who'll become the fool.

Silent is Calvin
this my eyes do see.
Silent is Calvin Coolidge
this my eyes do see.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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John Barry - July 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael, I'd heard the "you lose" story. Ever hear what Dorothy Parker supposedly said when she learned Coolidge had died? "How could they tell?"
Johnny D - July 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Pretty Cool, pretty Cool.
alvin rhodes - July 23, 2004 - Report this comment
nice job....i liked calvin cause his name rhymes with mine...5s
Meriadoc - July 23, 2004 - Report this comment
The way I always heard the story - it was a woman sitting next to him at a dinner party. I always kind of liked ol' Cal. (He was president I believe, the year my father was born). Supposedly Calvin's wife Grace was quite his opposite - very vivacious.
John Jenkins - July 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Another good parody, Michael, but, for those of us who believe that that government is best that governs least, Calvin Coolidge is probably the greatest president of the twentieth century.

He produced balanced budgets and was able to reduce the national debt by about $1 billion a year. During his presidency, per capita income increased by nearly 50 percent and automobile production grew nearly ten-fold. It is also interesting to note that he is the president who signed the bill giving Native Americans citizenship in the United States.
Michael Pacholek - July 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, everyone. John: Yes, I've heard the Dorothy Parker story. Boy, was she ahead of her time. Today, she'd have her own talk show and be on Hollywood Squares all the time. Merry: You're right about Grace. She was the one who dragged him to Washington Senators baseball games, and they won their only World Series (1924) and two of their three Pennants ('24 and '25, the other being '33) while he was in office. John: To choose to govern as little as possible when the population of the country is 120 million is quite foolish. Do suggest doing so when it is roughly 300 million is utter lunacy. If you have a big country, to not have big government means a huge number of people are going to be left behind. And the only people who should truly be left behind are those currently working in the executive branch of the United States federal government.

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