See the way he crawls down the street
Clumsy fellow; flippers for feet
Tuck his head inside his shell
If danger, any sign or smell --
Him befell

Hold him in my hand; I'm so proud
'Cause at least he's quiet, not loud
Chipmunks chatter; think they're smart
Cats: antisocial; dogs will fart
Honey, hear me from my hea - ea -art --

He's a turtle, and it's hard to tell if he's... girl or boy
He's a turtle; he's forgetful, dull, dim-witted, dumb and coy
And just because he's not as fast as... everybody else is
That's no reason why he can't deftly do my bris!

He is so much fun to me
Hangs around so faithfully
'Cause he's not a slowpoke, no, no, no
He's not a low bloke, no, no, no
To me!

(instrumental)

If they don't like wit his way
They won't like my transcript today
I'll be typing right by his side, as I sa - a -ay --

He's a turtle, but he puns as any pro... Penguin would
He's a turtle, and I care not if he rhymes as he should
And though he write without heed whether... anybody else read
That's no reason why we can't share seaweed
Virtu'lly, he's cyber-me
Good transcriber, try to be
'Cause he's apropos folk, so! so! so!
He's not a faux joke, no! no! no!
To me!

(He's not a faux joke, no, no, no)
(He's not a faux joke, no, no, no)
(He's not a faux joke, no, no, no)
(He's not a faux joke, no, no, no)

(fade)