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Song Parodies -> "Hockey Player 99"

Original Song Title:

"Love Potion Number 9"

Original Performer:

The Clovers/The Searchers

Parody Song Title:

"Hockey Player 99"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Jerry Lieber & Mike Stoller, author of many an Elvis and Drifters song, wrote it. The R&B group the Clovers sang it in 1959, and the British band the Searchers covered it in 1965. There should be a category for 1950s songs here. The NHL retired Number 99 for all of hockey for Wayne Gretzky, appropriately enough in 1999. A team has four forward lines (left wing, center, right wing, politics has nothing to do with it). Molson is Canada's premier beer (but not its best-tasting). And Mario's Pittsburgh Penguins won in 1991 as well as '92.
I took my case to Mario Lemieux
who won the Stanley Cup in '92.
He's got a path to making any team's first line.
He'll teach you how to play like -- Hockey Player 99.

I told him that I was a flop with pucks.
Cut by the Blackhawks and the Mighty Ducks.
He looked at my stick as he stood by the Molson sign.
He said, "You can play like -- Hockey Player 99."

He bent down and turned around and gave me a wink.
He said, "You're gonna be the biggest star on the rink."
He said, "Now take this stuff, it'll work though it's pink."
I held my nose, I closed my eyes -- I took a drink.

I didn't know if it was day or night.
I started slapping every puck in sight.
But when I slapped Lemieux, the league gave me a heavy fine.
That's not the way to play like -- Hockey Player 99.
Hockey Player 99.
Hockey Player 99.
Hockey Player 99.
The drink may be pink, but it sounds like the player turned into the singer Pink. She's from Philly, probably a Flyers fan, which would explain a lot of things.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   6
 3
 3
 
 4   0
 0
 2
 
 5   3
 6
 4
 

User Comments

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Jordan (Half Of Mike Armstrong) - February 03, 2003 - Report this comment
As a resident self-proclaimed expert on sports parodies... GOOD JOB! keep it up. 5/5/5. And that's rare!

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