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Song Parodies -> "Smooshed A Big Spider"

Original Song Title:

"Paperback Writer"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Smooshed A Big Spider"

Parody Written by:

Arwen

The Lyrics

True story...I'm serious...true story.
Smooshed a big spider
Spider, spider

'Twas early morning and the lights were out
The alarm went off so I began to pout
I reached for the button with intent to snooze
It was kind of fuzzy, I realized that I'd smooshed a big spider

Smooshed a big spider!

Oh I hit the light and I checked out my hand
The horror I don't think you'd understand
I jumped and hollered, tried to shake it off
But it barely twitched, it was sticky 'cause I'd smooshed a big spider

Smooshed a big spider!

Smooshed a big spider
Spider, spider

Well my roommates ran in to check out the view
Thought they'd find a killer with a knife or two
I had screamed so loud they thought my time was up
But they quickly learned it was worse than death, I'd smooshed a big spider

Smooshed a big spider!

Oh I wish I could have blacked out for a while
But my throat was swelling up with rising bile
Had the heebie jeebies in an awful way
I still get them now when I think of how I smooshed a big spider

Smooshed a big spider!

Smooshed a big spider
Spider, spider

Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider
Smooshed a big spider


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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 35

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 0
 
 5   34
 34
 35
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, no- not more pouting ;-) But I don't entirely understand what the problem was: surely by the time you realized there was a spider, it was already dead? So why the ruckus?
Adagio - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Eww, Arwen!! DKTOS...can't vote - I'll try to be back with the song.

Phil, I don't think you understand - there was a CREATURE, dead or alive, there...that would be my response too.
Jeff Reuben - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Heebe Jeebees...nice =) Was it really still a creature after is was smooshed?
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Phil: Yes, my friend...there is still a MAJOR problem when you realize there is a dead squished spider all over your hand. It's still JUST as gross. Especially when it's a spider big enough to be squished ALL OVER your hand.

Adagio: Thanks for the back up.

Jeff: YES it was a creature! Bleah bleah bleah! I am seriously getting the shakes thinking about it.
John Barry - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice. I've been trying to figure out an amiright-suitable way to do this one.
Johnny D - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
'course, you know what MY favorite part of the parody is. :-[ 5's
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
John B: Thanks, buddy! I have wanted to do Paperback Writer for a while...but nothing ever fit until this...=)

Johnny: It's amazing how I can infiltrate anything and everything with my pout, isn't it? You know I do it just for you...; )
alvin rhodes - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
good one...what drama...i had goosebumps you coulda played horseshoes on
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
alvin...your comment totally made me LOL. Probably because I've been in the market for goosbumps that a girl could play horseshoes on....=)
Lee - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Smashing!
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, thanks, Lee!!
Lee - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Smashing!
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
And thank you again...=)
Lee - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Hmmmm... browser 'backpaging' and a short memory are a dangerous combination...
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
You can't blame it on that...you know you just wanted to compliment me again.
Ashkicksass - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Dear Lord, I'd be in traction. At the state mental health facility...
MasonR - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! An ideal parody to put on the...web... ;-)
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL, Ashkicksass...I'm borderline commitable whenever I think about it...thanks!

MasonR: Thanks so much...=)
Know 1 can hear you dream - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
"True story" my derriere, I'd be an eight legged freak to believe that, you started sketching this as a LotR parody about Shelob, didn't you? (Of course I voted 555 anyway though).
2nz - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
heh heh, I too think this was a nice Sam impression, minus the pouting. I thought that second 's' in smooshed was a 'c' at first, which would have added more than a few exclamations points to this parody, not to mention scarier nightmares. Nice one, Arwen.
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
K1: I swear on my greatest asset...i.e. my astronomical good looks...that this really happened. I WISH that I'd made it up. It was a wolf spider...for your information...which are the devil. Look them up...I told the whole story on our thread last week...and was inspired to write about it over the weekend...

2nz: I'd sooner smooch...um...I really want to insert someone really gross here to get my point across, but I'm drawing a blank...um...anyway...point is...there will be no smooching of spiders. No. (shuddering...)
Johnny D - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
You'd sooner smooch a mangy pooch?
Claude Prez - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Who knows; maybe you were THIS close to having super powers (I mean other than the parody writing kind which you obviously possess). Well done.
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny...yes. Yes, I would. Over and over and over again.

Claude...awww! That's so sweet...thank you! I always thought that my only super power was more along the lines of seduction...but I'm not going to argue with you...=) Thanks!
Billy Florio - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent Arwen!
Know 1 can hear you dream - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
We had spiders in the house where I grow up, but apart from the attic, where it couldn't get in, the pussy liked to catch them and eat them, a good reason as any to keep one around! Miao! ;-)
Wolf Spider: http://dine.sanjuan.k12.ut.us/heritage/land/animals/bugs/images/TNwolf_sp­ider.jpg
Arwen - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Billy...thanks a bunch! I've finally realized that the key to popularity, really, is exposing horrifying moments to a catchy tune...=)

K1...your link didn't work for me. Not that I wanted to see gaggy pictures of the Devil incarnate...but if anyone else DOES want to...here's a link that I used on the message board to illustrate my horror:

http://www.usq.edu.au/spider/find/spiders/409.htm
Paul Robinson - September 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen - Great job! I may have mentioned this story before, but when my niece and about 20 of her friends were moving her Mom's stuff over to my Dad's house one of them found a Black Widow spider in a big flower pot in the back yard. A large discussion took place as to whether it was OK to kill it or not. The poll was about even, as many opposed taking a life of any sort. I said if we smooshed that miserable spider it would surely be reincarnated as a "BEE-YOOT-TIF-FUL SWAN" and wouldn't that be wonderful. That won over a lot of the girls present and so the guy who discovered it, after commenting what a load of crap my speculation was, smooshed that nasty little booger with a rock...OH...yeah...right...5's for you here...
Arwen - September 28, 2004 - Report this comment
What was the problem with THOSE girls, Paul??? How could they stand to be fiddling around discussing whether or not it was okay to take the spider's life...when the spider was right there...on the loose?? Smash first, think later...come ON! Just don't smash it with your bare hand...that's all I'm saying.

Thanks!
Spaff.com - September 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Beautifully icky. Next time I spot a wolf spider at my place, I'm going to have you come over and smoosh it with your bare hands.
Arwen - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh that's fine...I'll be right over. Then I'll go ahead and unwittingly beat you to death as I convulse violently...
Paul Robinson - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen - Oh, probably too much Southern California sun of their brows...but I'm with you on the issue of whether it's OK to off a Black Widow spider in your Dad's backyard. Smooosh first, debate at some later date...But my suggestion put things into the proper perspective, albeit in a round-about way, I suppose...
Arwen - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Does anyone know the lifespan of a Black Widow??

My Grampa used to have an vineyard/orchard (aka my favorite place on Earth) in Clearfield, Utah...and in the middle of the vinyard/orchard was this juice cellar thing...and in one of the corners on the way down the stairs was a Black Widow & its web. I swear that thing was there every summer for years. I could be wrong. I'm certainly too lazy to open up another explorer window to Google it...so we're all just going to assume that I'm right...Right?

Anyway...one year, it was just gone. I don't know if my Grampa killed it or if it just died. But you can bet your ass that I was happy it was gone. Bleah.

Now the whole place is gone. You know...they paved paradise...and put up...a Taco Bell. Now I'm depressed...
Paul Robinson - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen, Was it Male or Female (yeah, right...I'm SURE you really went and actually checked that out...)? 'Cause I have it on good word from a real scientific authority (Grace Slick of the Jefferson Starship on a Music DVD from a 1983 Concert in Vancouver, Canada), that the male black widow gets eaten after he has sex with the female. So that means the life span of the Male Black Widow would be one sex act...So a "Dude Ranch" for Male Black Widow Spiders would end up being a "Food Ranch" for the females of the species...
Arwen - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Only females have the red thing on their belly...so this was a female.

And I did look it up...and while the males do often get eaten after copulation...the females can live up to 3 years...
Nancy - October 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Hoo hoo hoo! I am still laughing!
Arwen - October 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, thanks, Nancy!!
Adagio - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM 5's
Arwen - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Adagio...
Guy - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the a-larm clock
On came the buzz and she reached and got a shock
Smashed that arachnid it twitched about in pain
Now our phrensy wennsy Arwen will never be the same.

Interesting note that the first three lines of the Beatles ' song "Paperback Writer" is the same pace as the Eensy Weensy Spider song.
Arwen - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
GUY!!! I love Love LOVE your comment!!! I'm having the shittiest day of all time...and you totally made me smile! Thanks a ton!!
Guy - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Glad to have, although unknowingly, made your day a bit brighter.
Rick D - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm sure it was more afraid of you. I saw those pouting pictures.
Arwen - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL, Rick! Thanks!
Spaff.com - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Next time I want to be unwittingly beaten to death, I'm going to have you come over.
Arwen - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff, I'm sure you say that to all the girls. I'm getting really tired of you toying with my emotions, mister.
Agrimorfee - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't like spiders either--I don't know what's worse--when they are crawling where they are not supposed to be, or the aftermath of their smooshed carcass. eeewwwww! 555
Arwen - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Smooshed carcasses don't bother me unless they happen to be all over my hand. Then...I take a bit of exception to them.

Thanks, Agri!
Steven Cavanagh - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Spider Slam, Spider Slam, Smooshed all over our Arwen's hand. Jumps around, screams and shrieks! Writes a parody for us geeks. Good clout- smooshed into spider spam!
Arwen - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, Steven Cavanagh...aren't you a Clever Dan! I am ABSOLUTELY thrilled with your comment!! Excellent! I will award your comment 5s...=) Thanks!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I'm more sympathetic towards the spider, imagine having Arwen's hands all over you!

...Ooh, wait a minute... simply smooshing parody, dear!
Steven Cavanagh - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
I haven't put together a song about it, but I thought I'd mention my true story. When I was a kid I tried to make my bed one morning and found a female funnel web spider (VERY deadly- welcome to Australia) had been in bed with me all night (no jokes please) and hadn't bitten me!
Stuart McArthur - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
oh great - coincidentally, tonight I'll also be both a) in bed b) in australia - tell me you just made that up Steve
Arwen - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Luke: I'm totally going to bed grinning, thank you very much! Mmmmwah!

Steve: That is horrifying in ways that I cannot even express. That almost trumped Luke's devilishly clever flirting...and nobody wants that, do we?

Stuart: If he did make it up, I'm so going to be in a fight with him from now on!
Steven Cavanagh - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Stuart: It's true, when I lived in a little town near Coffs Harbour. I also had a run in with a funnel web while building a train set in my yard (I was very little). That one was reared up next to my hand (about to bite) when my cat came in, swatted it around and ate it. Made me a cat lover :-) Arwen: Sorry, but I won't attempt to trump anyone's flirting. I saw your comment for Kristof's "Oh Boy" song, so I'm sure you understand :-)
Claude Prez - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Still fun as ever. "Rising bile" was a nice graphic touch, I thought.
Arwen - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh I love you, Claude! Thanks...that was one of my favorite lines, as well!
Melhi - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM -- Ok, I HATE spiders... terrified of the nasty creepy little things and it used to be, but is not an irrational fear, anymore. My youngest was bitten on the foot by a common house spider shortly after she started walking -- turns out she's allergic to spider bites. She was paralyzed from the waist down for 6 weeks and we weren't sure for awhile whether she'd ever use her legs again. Bearing my phobia in mind, reading this actually sent shivers up and down my spine and had me doing the heebie-jeebies dance in my chair. In other words, great job and I'm so sorry for you that this was a true story!!
Arwen - October 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh Melhi! That is horrible! I hope she's fine and healthy now! You've only strengthened my theory that the little bastards are instruments of Satan. Bleah.
Paul Robinson - October 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "BEE-YOOT-TIF-FUL" job here, Arwen...no smoosh on my paws as I type that bon mot , Madame...
Arwen - October 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul...thanks, buddy!
martha - October 19, 2004 - Report this comment
coming from a country that is woefully short on on interesting insect life I was fsacinated by this spooky tale... I also loved the vile/bile part 5s
Arwen - October 19, 2004 - Report this comment
martha, thanks...but I'd like to state, for the record, that I don't believe there is such a thing as interesting insect life, if said insect life is inside my house.

John Jenkins - October 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I have to agree with Phil that the reaction to the dead spider is overly dramatic, but that does not detract from the humor of the parody. Well done, Arwen.
Arwen - October 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, John. I really don't think you understand how traumatic it was. It was as big as a small rodent. It was not tiny. It did not wipe off. Scouring was required.
Johnny D - October 27, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Pout for me...
Arwen - October 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Too busy grinning, Johnny! Thanks for loving me!!
Peregrin - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Ick! An achilles heel of mine, made me shudder, the story that is! The parody was fun! Good read!
Meriadoc - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well, I liek spiders, even big ones, but I would sure hate to have one smashed all over my hand. And I like parodies that use words like "Heebie Jeebies." :-)
2nz - October 31, 2004 - Report this comment
heh heh, more parodies with crawly things that are all the more appropriate during Halloween. I still enjoy this one
Arwen - November 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks so much, Pippin, Merry, and 2nz...=)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 03, 2004 - Report this comment
The theme of crawly things is still appropriate as the election draws to a close!
Arwen - November 03, 2004 - Report this comment
What?? The election is drawing to a close?? Because I was under the impression that we were STILL waiting...

Then again, considering the fact that I got 13 seconds of sleep last night...(it's UNBELIEVABLE how glued to CNN I was...WAY past my bed time)...it's entirely possible that I may have dozed off at my desk for a couple of weeks...
Tim Mayfield - July 29, 2005 - Report this comment
I have now read your smooshed spider parody (and all the comments) I saw fit to give you fives too.

I must say it's frightening that you mention it was a Wolf Spider. I was bitten on the forehead by what "may have been" a Wolf Spider. I was asleep, never saw the thing that bit me. The doctor said the swollen lymph nodes in my neck, coupled with neck stiffness was good indication of a Wolf Spider bite.

One tetnus shot on the bum and suspect pill order later and I was all better.

Oh, and I killed EVERY spider I could find within 50 feet of the house that week.
Red Ant - December 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Great OS, great parody Arwen. Please refrain from killings ants though. ; )
Arwen - December 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh but of course not!

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