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Song Parodies -> "Sergeant Mora's Lonely Football Band"

Original Song Title:

"Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Sergeant Mora's Lonely Football Band"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

On March 6, 1983, with a 19-16 victory by the Boston Breakers over the Washington Federals at Boston U.'s Nickerson Field, the United States Football League began play. It lasted three seasons and contributed to the NFL such stars as Steve Young (Los Angeles Express), Jim Kelly (Houston Gamblers), Reggie White (Memphis Showboats) and Gary Clark (Jacksonville Bulls). But despite signing three straight Heisman Trophy winners -- Herschel Walker and Doug Flutie by the New Jersey Generals and Mike Rozier by the Pittsburgh Maulers -- spring football petered out after three years, and while a court ruled the NFL guilty of antitrust violations, it was fined only $1, which got tripled under antitrust laws, making the USFL "The Three-Dollar League." Also the Undeniably Sorry Football League and the Useless Football League. But the Washington Redskins had the last laugh: With ex-USFLers Clark, Kelvin Bryant (Philadelphia Stars) and Doug Williams (Oklahoma Outlaws), they won a Super Bowl (and another with Clark & Bryant after Williams retired to coaching). The Michigan Panthers won the '83 title, and the Philadelphia Stars won in '84 and '85. The Stars were coached by future NFL coaching star Jim Mora, and in the league's last game, the "Baltimore Stars" (who actually played that season at the U. of Maryland, closer to Washington which had lost the Feds to Orlando) beat the Arizona Outlaws (merging the Wranglers and the Oklahoma team), 28-24 at the Meadowlands.
It was 20 years ago today, the USFL began to play.
They weren't very long in style, and they didn't quite make a pile.
So let me introduce to you some guys who're now washing cars:
Sergeant Mora's lonely football band!

We're Sergeant Mora's lonely football band.
We guess you all forgot the show.
Sergeant Mora's lonely football band.
Oh where did those two decades go?
Sergeant Mora's lonely, Sergeant Mora's lonely
Sergeant Mora's lonely football band.

The paychecks didn't get there.
We're waiting for them still.
'Twas such a puny audience.
We coulda brought them home with us.
We coulda brought them home.

I don't really wanna stop the show
but I thought you might like to know:
Steve Spurrier's coach debut
was with the Tampa Bay Bandit crew.
So let me introduce to you
the league champion Philly Stars!
Sergeant Mora's lonely football band!

What would you think if we played ball in June?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll tell you a tale
that Keith Jackson told on ABC.
Oh, I got by with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I got high with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I could try with a little help from tight ends.

What did I do when I didn't get paid?
(Did it worry you to be so broke?)
Memphis Showboats did not leave me afraid.
(Did the Birmingham Stallions choke?)
Oh, I got by with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I got high with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I could try with a little help from tight ends.

(Did you need anybody?)
I needed an NFL team.
(Could it be anybody?)
I wanted the professional dream.

(Would you believe the Chicago Blitz stunk?)
Yes, I recall they were awful all the time.
(New Jersey Generals, Donald Trump's junk.)
And the title, two of three years, was mine.

Oh, I got by with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I got high with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I could try with a little help from tight ends.

(Did you need anybody?)
I needed an NFL team.
(Could it be anybody?)
I wanted the professional dream.

Oh, I got by with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I got high with a little help from tight ends.
Mm, I could try with a little help from tight ends.
Yes, I got by with a little help from tight ends
with a little help from tight ends!
For the record, Ken Dunek, Steve Folsom and Scott Nizolek were the Stars' tight ends. Is all this a little arcane for you? Hey, at least each member of the championship teams got a...RING. Rest in pieces.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   1
 2
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 4   0
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 5   6
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User Comments

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Tim Hall - April 25, 2003 - Report this comment
I used to watch a lot of USFL games in the '80s and caught an old Blitz-Generals game on ESPN recently. It sure brought back memories!
ken dunek - July 03, 2003 - Report this comment
how nice to be remembered
Kat - August 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks for adding a parody of "With A Little help from My Friends". That's the first I've seen of it.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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