In a town on Merseyside
lives a man who's named Mike Dean.
He's a dodgy referee
and a yellow card machine.

So I watched the Arsenal
take the pitch onto that scene.
But the yellow card was waved
by that yellow card machine.

We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.

And the Spurs, they cheer this on.
Many more of them will fail to score.
So down to ten men we will play:

(Dean's whistle replaces the OS' brass band)

We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.

(The OS' song effects are replaced by those often heard "on the terraces."
Most of which I can't post here because they're profane.)

And as we sit (and as we sit)
here in the pub (here in the pub)
every one of us (every one of us)
sees call he'll flub (sees call he'll flub)
Language blue (language blue)
and we get mean (and we get mean)
at this yellow (at this yellow)
card machine! (card machine, ha-ha!)

We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
We're all zapped by a yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
A yellow card machine.
(repeat 'til fade)