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Song Parodies -> "Heather Mills"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Heather Mills"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

It was either this or "Paul McCartney's Phony Porn Star Hag." Robert Lund's recording is 84 seconds long - just a tad longer than the average celebrity marriage.
Heather Mills
Far too quickly went from thrills to chills
Wish I had one of those pre-nup deals
Dear God, save me
From Heather Mills

I'm less loaded than I used to be
Wish she'd mentioned her pornography
The skank went rank
So suddenly

Why she's such a ho
I don't know
That's my complaint
She wants all my dough
Makes Yoko
Look like a saint

Heather Mills
I'd give my left leg for poison pills
Bet she lost hers kicking baby seals
Dear Hell, please take
Back Heather Mills
(c) 2007+ Spaffy Road

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 32

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   31

User Comments

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Ravyn Rant - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow...this was good (liked the last verse best), but I'd like to hear "Paul McCartney's Phony Porn Star Hag"...and I bet everyone else who comments would too, right? 555
Adagio - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know the person, but the pacing, etc. was outstanding.
Tim Hall - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Outstanding! This proves that Paul is human like the rest of us.
Phil Alexander - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
I think you're being a bit kind to her, personally ;-) I'd like to hear the Sgt Pepper parody, too (though you'd end up singing "Paul McCartney's phony" for half of it. I've been trying to work a joke into a parody: the one about the San Franciscan 49er who gets caught in a rock fall and is lying in hospital saying "I'm done for now. After all, who'd want a one-legged gold-digger?" - you can guess the punchline ;-)
Kristof Robertson - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
I heard the only reason they're getting divorced is that Heather kept beating Paul at Twister...unfair advantage! Great stuff, Spaffster. 555
Michael Pacholek - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
As someone who doesn't have enough uninjured joints to make one good leg, I can empathize with Heather... but as someone who's been considered crazy, I think calling her crazy is an insult to those only mildly disturbed. This woman has 54 cards in her deck, including two jokers! Loved the line about making Yoko look like a saint. Let's see, Spaff has now written a classic about Paul & Heather, and wrote one of the all-timers, "The Wreck of Ben Affleck & J-Lo"... Have you written one about Britney & K-Fed? If not, we need it!
Red Ant - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Great recording, Spaff! Helluva last verse, too.
alvin rhodes - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
HAHAHAHA...good one...yes, yoko must be kicking up her heels
Joel Martinez - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Poor poor Yoko, I like porn though, GOOD JOB!555 (Please don't tell anyone though, I AM STARIGHT! But I don't want to have them know I'm perverted!)
Matthias - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm Yoko For Spaff-o Puffs!!!! 5's
PMS - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Liked the last verse the best
Jack Wilson - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
Just freakin awesome as usual,yeah Id like to hear the Sgt Pepper's one eithert hat "Paul McCartney's Phony One Legged Hag"
Beatles Forever - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
It is a Great Parody with an amazing synchronicity to the melody. I'm quite sure WMGK's ANDRE GARDNER will play it on his "Breakfast with the Beatles" Show any Sunday on Philadelphia's number one radio: 102.9 WMGK FM. Heather is a bitter BITCH and I'll be happy to kick her with her own prostetic leg on her you know what.
Steve K. - January 05, 2007 - Report this comment
How interesting that Ms. Mills is younger than TOS (unlike yours truly).
2Eagle - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
You hit all the nails on their heads. Paul should get full custody of the kid and tell Heather to go paddle her own canoe, but that will never happen. She is going to end up with a million dollar settlement.
MasonR - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
The Yoko line was great! Although actually the person who Heather REALLY makes look like a saint is Linda. Her musical talents may have been a bit suspect, but she kept Paul grounded, and happy.
Yoidy - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
If Paul doesn't want her, I'll take her! - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Ravyn & Phil & Jackie: I don't know if I have the Sgt Pepper parody in me. Maybe just the reprise. I'd replace "one and only lonely" with "alimony trolling."

Adagio: Heather Mills is Paul McCartney's (soon-to-be-ex) second wife. It's time to renew that subscription to the Enquirer.

Tim: Human, maybe. Like the rest of us, no.

Kristof: But Paul always kicked her butt at Dance Dance Revolution.

Michael: I do Britney Spears ALL THE TIME:
I think K-Fed has shown up once or twice.

Red & Alvin & PMS: Muchas gracias.

Joel: I promise not to tell anyone you're straight.

Matthias: Silly Stovey. Trix are for hos.

Beatles Forever: WMGK rules. That's where John DeBella lives. Since the signal doesn't reach Utah, however, you'll have to tell me if Andre Gardner plays it. As for breakfast with the Beatles, yum... I'll order a four of fish and finger pie.

Steve: Yeah. I wonder if she's heard of Wings.

2Eagle: I'll bet Paul would be thrilled spitless with a million dollar settlement.

Mason: Agreed. Linda and Yoko took way too much crap from the press. I think deep down everyone was jealous.

Yoidy: Just remember the pre-nup.
Joel What the f***?! - January 06, 2007 - Report this comment
In that case, DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT ME AT ALL!!(Nice recording btw, celebrity love's never true love, take it from Nick Lachey)
Spoof-Man - January 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Fantastic Spaff!! I was trying to wright a spoof on Heather Mills my self but it looks like you bet me to the bunch line!! Good gong Spaff!!
Harris B. - January 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Absolutely incredible!! The best parody I ever heard! A best seller!!
Jack Wilson - January 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Just heard the recording AWESOME! Love it!
The kicking baby seals reminded me of this line from UHF
Crazy Ernie : If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next
hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right. I'm gonna club this
seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, to, cause I'm crazy.
Michael E Cormier - January 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny! I bet Paul wishes that he took Donald Trump's advice on a prenup now. Too late. She's gonna walk with a bundle of cash. Ya burn, ya learn. Great work 555
Claude Prez - January 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Yeah! Good gong Spaff!
Jake - January 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Nicely done, as far as non-timeless parodies go.
John Jenkins - January 14, 2007 - Report this comment
What Claude Prez said. And I can't resist questioning whether awareness of situations like this is what led Teresa Heinz-Kerry to astutely obtain a pre-nup deal before marrying her current husband.
karlap - January 17, 2007 - Report this comment
You got the voice! - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Joel: Your secret is safe here; no one reads these comments.

Spoof-Man & Claude & Johnkins: Thanx. I believe Chuck Barris would call that a "gang gong."

Harris: You need to get out more. Heh heh.

Jackie: Don't tell anyone, but I've never that.

Michael: Thanx. I try not to listen to Donald Trump either.

Jake: You are a non-timeless beauty.

karlap: Several of them. In my head. Thanx.
Jack Wilson - January 21, 2007 - Report this comment
eek! Ya should! Its awesome!
Stuart McArthur - January 24, 2007 - Report this comment
you're never short of a classic underplayed gag, Spaff, and the Yoko line was it - short and - 555 - February 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Jackie: Thanx for understanding my comment, even though I omitted the word "tapped."

s2art: Welcome back. Your absence was short and
Spoof-Man - February 06, 2007 - Report this comment
yes I would agre that Chuck Barris would have called that a "gang gong."

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