My shell: I dwell
Don't come out unless I know you well
Stay, my shell

Me' chel' est bell' [1] [2]
"Si vis pacem, para bellum" - hell! [3][4]
Coit', non bell' [5][6][7]

I need shell; not bleed, shell; hide weed, shell!
But makes it tough to lay
Until I find a way
I still ponder words by Ogden Nash 'til
I understand [8]

My shell fits well
Keeps my rear end covered; can't you tell? -- [9]
I love my shell!

Can't lose shell; can't goose shell, caboose: shell
Reduces need: sunblock
Though makes it tough: find c*ck
Until I do I'm peeing through a
Tube to my gland

I have to!

Shell decks me; protects me, de-sex me
So that nobody sees
Testudines' testes [10]
Food chewed; mood, skewed; brood, cued: pude viewed nude; you'd clued: lewd, crude, rude; feud spewed: booed; sued; screwed! [11]
Dude: prude; who'd wooed? [12]

My shell: It's swell
Friends find space in carapace: "XL"; [13]
Friends swell said shell [14]

Cozy space in carapace; cool place for friends to revel:
Tommy's shell!



[1] OS inexplicably switches into French here. I need to do switches on OS, so the parody inexplicably switches into inexplicably philosophical Latin here, although for one verse only.
[2] Contraction of "Meus chelys est bellus", or "My tortoise (hence, 'shell') is pretty (or 'handsome')" *
[3] "If you want peace, prepare for war"; namesake of the Luger "Parabellum" pistol and of a type of ammunition; actually, a commonly quoted paraphrase of "Qui desiderat pacem, preparet bellum" ("Who desires peace should prepare for war.") -- Flavius Vegetius Renatus: "De Rei Militari III".
[4] "hell!" - The author's opinion of war, and also that of General William Tecumseh Sherman: "War is hell", which he proved during the U.S.'s Civil War with a "scorched earth" policy in invading the Southern states.
[5] "Make love, not war" (loose translation). "Bell'" here is a contraciton of "bellum," or "war," as in previous line; not to be confused with "bell'"="bellus" in Line 1 of this verse.
[6] I don't really remember there being contractions in Latin, but there are now, heh heh!
[7] Before all the real Latin geeks waste their time, I shall admit freely that I suck badly at Latin.
[8] (Frederick) Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 – May 19, 1971), should be the patron saint of parodists for his puns, wit, and social satire. Anyone who reads about Nash's penchant for twisting real words to fit his needs will see a seminal force for The Turtle. The Nash ditty referred to is called "The Turtle". I had intended to reprint it here, but apparently whoever inherited or holds Nash's copyrights fusses at people who do that, even if they don't do it commercially. It still might be theoretically possible to find Ogden Nash Turtle poem in search engines, though I wouldn't know where.
[9] In both the literal and figurative senses, i. e. "Cover your ass."
[10] Turtles are members of the order "Testudines"; crown group, "Chelonia."** In other words, "So that you can't see the Turtle's gonads."
[11] "pude" = "pudenda": the genitals (from Latin, "ashamed")
[12] I think I just broke my all-time personal record for consecutive internal rhymes -- 23, over two lines, although at the expense of running "slightly" over OS. (Previous record was 9 over two lines in "Only Stu Can Break Wind (Fart).) Un-ellipsised line: After having eaten dinner, his mood would be distorted in that he would start to worry, or brood, if his genitals, or pudenda, were viewed when he were nude, which you had informed him would be considered lewd, crude, and rude by others, who might forcefully express their enmity by booing, or take legal action such as suing him, thereby harming him immensely, or "screwing" him. This guy is a prude, so who had ever courted, or wooed, him?
[13] "XL": As in clothing, "extra large"
[14 ] "Swell" in this line means "enlarge", as opposed to colloquial meaning in first line.



Footnotes to footnotes: (Foot-squared notes? Square-foot notes? Square-meter notes outside US?)
*The Latin survives in French as in the OS's "belle", which made it into English also ("belle of the ball", e. g.); and as "bella" in Italian and Spanish. Etymology (the study of word origins) is a hobby for Etommymology Turtle.... Hey! The Latin for "tortoise", which is "chelys", looks like it starts with our word "shell"! Son of a gun!
**Gosh darn! "Chelonia" -- There's another word that looks like it starts with "shell"!