Standing with a cigar in his mouth,
Wears a trenchcoat and ruffled hair,
"Just one more thing, sir", he says to the killer,
To Johnny Cash how could he dare

He's Lieutenant Columbo,
Seems Italian it's true.
But Peter Falk has a glass eye,
And he really is a Jew..

He hates to fly a plane, but he has to,
His wife is always out of the scene,
His dog is depressed,
and his car is a mess
But he sees right through Dick Van Dyke's scheme.

He's Lieutenant Columbo,
Seems Italian it's true.
But Peter Falk has a glass eye,
And he really is a Jew

He's our favorite LA detective,
Though his accent is from New York,
When he sets up Robert Culp, the killer simply gulps,
And Corporal Agarn gives the driving test.

He's Lieutenant Columbo,
Seems Italian it's true.
But Peter Falk has a glass eye,
And he really is a Jew

(interlude)
Once when Falk was playing baseball,
The umpire made a bad call,
Took out his glass eye,
Handed it to the guy,
"I think you need this more than I doo-hoo - think!"

Twice he captured Patrick McGoohan,
Yes the guy from The Prisoner,
Olympics the Chinese, boycotted but he
said he knew it before he could

He's Lieutenant Columbo,
Seems Italian it's true.
But Peter Falk has a glass eye,
And he really is a Jew

He appeared in Wings of Desire,
Said he was an angel on Earth,
But back on TV, he sets up Roddy
McDowell with some fake dynamite,

He's Lieutenant Columbo,
Seems Italian it's true.
But Peter Falk has a glass eye,
And he really is a Jew
But Peter Falk has a glass eye,
And he really is a Jew