If wine jets popped from a fountain,
You know where it all would go--
Straight down to mingle with my liver,
Booze I gulp up. . .Mescal flow.
I'll take Chartreuse, be hammered.
Little messy hurl, a glaucous hue.
Creep rolled me when drunk, so I
Will snare everything when I rob you.

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin'
Junk that's triple sweet; investin'
In pumpin' this treat to my intestine--
A drunkard's dream if I ever did see one.

Good punch for my tummy,
To package store I did go;
I'd get some Black Horse and gin
And I'd get me some Brothers and Sloe.
The odds were that I'd savor
It all; by 5:00 be done.
Some might nag that gin takes you down the track
Sure enough leads to rum.

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin'
Junk that's triple sweet; investin'
In pumpin' this treat to my intestine--
A drunkard's dream if I ever did seize rum.

I took a cup and dripped in it
Beaujolais that's best to quaff
Before it get tannined and it tastes
Of cork--prime's past.
Pumped many drinks down piehole wide, whirled
Because I sure had to pee.
I piddled on my girl; she whined. . .
Zipped my pole up and did flee.

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin'
Junk that's triple sweet; investin'
In pumpin' this treat to my intestine--
A drunkard's dream if I ever did bleed tuns.

Ow! Me and my mate blacked out on Arak;
We had spiked Rhône from a box.
She says, "I can't stand those flavored drinks--
It's like gluggin' beer with pox."
Now that crud made her start to sob;
She was bobbin' on her feet.
And I swore (actually, just pure bull):
"That bevy crap is sweet!"

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin'
Junk that's triple sweet; investin'
In pumpin' this treat to my intestine--
A drunkard's dream if I ever sipped sweet Nun.

Now I have chugged stout in California,
And up north the beer is cold,
But I'm swiggin' on a Rhône
That's messed up with a mold.
So I'll express, cough up Phylloxera,
Return to extollin' gin.
I now can't keep down red wines, exceptin'
That gloriously peppery Zin.

Drunken tipple freak, ingestin'
Junk that's triple sweet; investin'
In pumpin' this treat to my intestine--
A drunk's bad dream; wish I never had begun.