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Song Parodies -> "Three Hunnerd Tons"

Original Song Title:

"Sixteen Tons"

Original Performer:

Tennessee Ernie Ford

Parody Song Title:

"Three Hunnerd Tons"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Nearly 350 metric tonnes of high explosive "went missing" from the Al Qaqaa (sic) military base in Iraq - 350 tonnes is nearly ¾ of a million pounds of weapons-grade HE: that would give a bang of the same order as the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima... or make enough small explosive devices to take out the entire West Bank.

Now, if that ain't scary... I don't know what is

Read all about it on the BBC
While Saddam was still there, the UN kept a close eye
On enough RDX to blow Baghdad to the sky
US invades.. takes over Iraq
Oops! It's gone, it's *so* hard to keep track

You lose three-hunnerd tons, and what do you get?
Weapons inspectors really rather upset
In case you're wonderin' what this may mean
A whole load o' bombers blown to smithereens

A terrorist bomb weigh just two pounds or one
There's twenty-two hundred pounds in a ton
You lose three hunnerd tons, it's weapons-grade
More'n half a million bombs can be made

You lose three-hunnerd tons, and what do you get?
A different scale of terrorist threat
One way to describe this would be:
A real-life, verified WMD

You might find this kind of scary and strange
That much H.E. is in the kiloton range
If it all blows together, it'll cause alarm
Goin' of just like a small nuclear bomb

You lose three-hunnerd tons, and what do you get?
Ten truckloads of bombs that they haven't used yet
I wonder who has got 'em, cause I don't know
Hope they ain't near me when they blow

If you see it truckin' don't light that fuse
It'll make a big crater that you'll see on the news
There's 300 tons somewhere in Iraq...
D'you think they might go and put it all back?

You lose three-hunnerd tons, and what do you get?
Hopefully more than a tinge of regret
So, Dubya keep a-lookin ... findin' diddly-squat... but
Three hundred to-o-o-ns ... a f*** of a lot
With thanks to Mageth on the iidb messageboard for coming up with the original idea :-)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Stuart McArthur - October 28, 2004 - Report this comment
now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall - this parody informs AND entertains - 555
John Barry - October 28, 2004 - Report this comment
I believe Donald Rumsfeld would shrug his shoulders and acknowledge that the loss of enough high explosives to level Manhattan is "messy," but just part of the price for bringing democracy to Iraq.
alvin rhodes - October 28, 2004 - Report this comment
great concept....5s
Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 28, 2004 - Report this comment
More scary than funny, but still well-written and educational. 5's all round!

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