Would all of you please comment on this parody? Tell me what you think of it.

Your using more description that's great! Now , try to add a little story to it. Try to think of something amusing. For example what a berry might do? Something with a little surprise , like the berries turned your tounge blue. Maybe the berries were not berries at all and were marbles that you ate accidentily? You have some very good descriptions here, so try to add a twist to it. Its not easy throwing your parody out there, believe me I know. Try not to think of scores, don't even look at them. Someone will come along and leave you comments, if they like your work. Even if it is only a line or two that made it humorous. Keep it up & Hang in there Pat.

Thanks, Diva! I have one coming out in a few days that is not like me at all. Wish me luck. :D

Pat, I'm guessing that most people either don't know the original or only vaguely know it (like me); so I can't really sing it in my head and give it a fair shot. Comes across as pleasant, though.

Thanks, Claude...I was just assuming that it was well known...ah well! :) Have one coming out tomorrow that everyone should know..."Brown Sugar", by the Rolling Stones.

Olha que coisa máis douça e quanto calorías...