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Song Parodies -> "That Wasn't A Fart, oh S**T, I've Diarrhoea"

Original Song Title:

"How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?"

Original Performer:

Sound of Music

Parody Song Title:

"That Wasn't A Fart, oh S**T, I've Diarrhoea"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

My tummy aches, what noise it makes
It's loud beyond belief
But up on stage, I tighten up
And pray for some relief
I know I can't let this one rip
People would think... good grief!
This play is not supposed to be a comedy

I can't hold on much longer
I'm going to have to try it
A surreptitious deflation
I'll try to keep it quiet
No more Waiting for Godot
But I may well cause a riot
After all, you know, it's really not a comedy

But all was not right with what came to pass
Because that...
Was
Not
Gas

That wasn't a fart, oh shit! I've diarrhoea
Back of my legs, I feel something run down
Cutting it loose was not a good idea
A slippery giblet! A spill-o'-the shit! My gown!

Many a person's starting now to smell.. urgh!
Many a thing I ought to do, and fast
But how do I get off stage
This play always takes an age
How do I make Godot come at last?

That wasn't a fart, oh shit! I've diarrhoea
I cannot wait for Godot, what disast...
..er

Wonder if this is impacting
On my futu-wer in acting
'Cause there's lots of bigwigs watching me in it
And the BBC's broadcasting
My bowels live as they're blasting
In the media! In the papers! In the shit!

And a squelchy noise I make
With every little step I take
But the audience is the biggest one I've seen
Look, there's Elton! Look, there's Sting!
There's Liv Tyler (with a Ring)!
There's George W! There is Blair!
There's the Queen!

That wasn't a fart, oh shit! I've diarrhoea
It's filling my shoes, I'm waddling around
And there's a big stain that's spreading from my rear
And people can tell, eee it's ever so smelly and brown

It's time that I kiss goodbye to my career
Life-changing events can alter future plans
But now I just want to hide
What's flowing from my backside
Embarrassment's getting more than I can stand

That wasn't a fart, oh shit! I've diarrhoea
I hope the Queen does not want to shake hands

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 30

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 4
 4
 
 2   2
 1
 1
 
 3   2
 0
 1
 
 4   5
 5
 4
 
 5   19
 20
 20
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Steve K. - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Man, what a nightmare! I used this original for a parody about SCOTUS (since Scalia rhymes with Maria), which will have to be updated.
stuart mcarthur - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
the title alone was 5-worthy, but all that Godot stuff was outright hilarious and clever - and Liv Tyler (with a ring) - LOL - brilliant stuff Phil - 555
alvin rhodes - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
delightfully goofy...5s
Rick C - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Absolutely brilliant parody about something I know most of us (including mystelf) parody authors must deal with on a daily basis! 555
John Barry - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
5s for the "Godot" line alone! I can identify. Recently got a sliver under my thumbnail, all the way to the quick (hate when that happens), and I'm taking the antibiotic Keflex. Primary side effect is diarrhea. Bummer, so to speak.
carol - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Good grief I was laughing myself silly before I even finished reading it all the way thru. 555
Phil Alexander - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Couldn't resist writing this one once the title line came into my head - it just kinda slipped out... Still can't remember the tune for the verses, though. But they do span with the lyric sheet :-)
mr critic - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I hate it. :P
MC2 - September 15, 2005 - Report this comment
it goes DA DA DA DA DA DA-DA DA DA-DA-DA, JK great parody 555
2LD4U - September 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Good parody, but you spelled diarrhea wrong. It is spelled D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A!
Phil Alexander - September 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, no... not again: http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/mamasandpapas0.shtml
Geoff Hoskin - September 17, 2005 - Report this comment
haha funny stuff man
M!KEY - October 08, 2005 - Report this comment
AHA lol funny, made me chuckle!
Teddy Bear - October 09, 2005 - Report this comment
lol
Agrimorfee - October 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Earns lots of points for sticking it to Rodgers & Hammerstein, hilarious rhymes, and still told a compelling story. 555
Adagio - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but I still laughed a lot, esp. over the "squelchy noises I make".
anal re10tive cop - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS but you should not be leaving your profanity unfiltered. S#1t is a naughty word that should be banned here. I'm afraid I have to agree with senor critic. But I'm not voting, only because i DKTOS.
Phil Alexander - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Mr Cop, your carping is more than a little bit tiresome: "shit" is something that you, I and every other person on this planet does throughout their life with varying degrees of regularity. Unless, of course, YOU don't... it which case you must be seriously full of it by now. If you don't like the word "shit" when used in any context, then WTF did you click on this song? It was pretty obvious what the subject "matter" was going to be.
Johnny D - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Another pile of brilliant SHYTE from the PHertile imagination of PHilbo, worthy of 555 mg of Imodium!
anal re10tive cop - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Shut the fudge up. I know that "Dick" isn't a cuss word, since it's a guy's name, but I don't mind referring to the Vice President as "Dip Cheney" because that's what I think of him.

CHUCKY G, I DEMAND THAT YOU DISALLOW UNCENSORED PROFANITY HERE!
Rafeal De La Ghetto - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I have to back anal re10tive cop on this; it's not that good. Most public forums don't allow you to say (Sure Happy It's Thursday) anyway.
Phil Alexander - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
So Mr Cop, now you're *demanding* that Chucky censor based on words that you happen not to like? Grow up, puhlease. And I suggest you change your moniker, too: after all, in some circles "anal" is *much* ruder than "shit" ever will be... and your use of the word "fudge" is a pathetic euphemism which just highlights your inability to express yourself without swearing.
Dick Van Dyke (oops, I mean Penis Van Lesbian) - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
You're the one who needs to grow up, pal.
Kristof Robertson - October 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Man, Phil...you sure copped a backlash for this one! Trust you to be so controversial....putting an 'O' in "diarrhoea", you naughty boy! ;-)
stuart mcarthur - October 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above - and another line I liked was "How do I make Godot come at last?" - it was inspired getting the title-sub idea and then setting it to a "Waiting For Godot" performance - LOL
Peter Andersson - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - Rick C: You really must expand on WTHeck you mean by "something I know most of us (including mystelf) parody authors must deal with on a daily basis!". Or maybe not. As a jogger myself most diarrhea parodies makes me think of that American who took the Marathon Bronze in Tokyo 1991, with diarrhea running down his legs for the last 5-10 km or so. Me, I've only had to make pit stops in the forrests three times during the last ten years, and since this is Sweden I just club a polar bear over the head and skin it to have something to wipe with. No worries, really.
Your Worst Nightmare - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - DKTOS, but I just don't like poop jokes anyway.
Spaff.com - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Ha! I've got an unfinished gonorrhea parody to this OS; now I think I'll let it continue to sit for a while. I gotta tell ya, Philbo, when I saw the title, I wondered how you'd ever draw an entire song out of it. I should know better by now. This thing has a plot, setting, character development, and even a bucket of Beckett. Fave line/rhyme: "Cutting it loose was not a good idea." This parody gives me a nice, warm feeling.
Phil Alexander - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
A nice, warm feeling... where? On the other hand, don't answer that question ;-) Thanks - incidentally, I had the title aeons ago, but it took thinking a decent plotline before it got written.
Mr. Potty Mouth - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I have to back "re10tive" cop on this as well. I agree with him about Penis Cheney...but I am not afraid to refer to the U.S. President as "George W. Bullshit."
bush h8r - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
me neither. GW should never have won in the 1st place.
GWB suxx - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
He wasn't REALLY elected in the 1st place; he was APPOINTED.
Red Ant - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Sounds like a GG Allin gig. Great over-the-top humor, funny visuals especially the "It's filling my shoes" line.
wannabemustangjockey - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - I'll refrain from leaving a political comment since nobody ever agrees with me. But the warm, steamy brown mixture of infantile humor and adult formatting and vernacular makes for an interesting (and hilarious!) parody. Try not to get any of it on yourself.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Solid parody... or... not... well, when you wrote it I'm sure you were "feelin' kinda funny". Plenty of imagery and humour running throughout, Phil. 555
Larry Hensley - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Really hilarious parody.
Whatever. - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm not ashamed to leave a political comment. This is a funny spoof, and I hope GW gets the stuff on himself.
Johnny D - October 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above
Rick C - October 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still a riot.
Claude Prez - October 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Yeah, you Brits are classy all right...heh heh; very funny Philbo. This is, like, the most highbrow lowbrow stuff ever. Great work.
Arwen - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...should have known I would've been beat to the "Godot" praises...but this really was a laugh riot, Phil...great job!
Tim Mayfield - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Don't wait for the encore...
2nz - October 31, 2005 - Report this comment
This STINKS... but I found myself laughing in spite of myself. I kind of like what you've done here Phil, but I can really appreciate the skill you used to do it. Good use of the original here.
MysteryGoat - November 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS or movie for that matter, but potty songs are just classic. Good song.

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