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Song Parodies -> "The Crap Sold At Sears"

Original Song Title:

"The Tracks of My Tears"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Smokey Robinson & the Miracles

Parody Song Title:

"The Crap Sold At Sears"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Dedicated to my fellow sales associates.
People say I enliven departments 'cause I tell a joke or two.
Although I hold back curses, unlike Cartman, deep inside I'm blue.

So take a good look at my face, you'll see my smile just got erased.
If you look over you'll see in this place, the crap sold at Sears.
A new job (new job), I need it (need it).

Since you're shopping here, looking for that salesgirl
with her you want to have some fun.
Although she may be cute, some things just don't compute
'cause big returns you have done.

So take a good look at my face, you'll see my smile just got erased.
If you look over you'll see in this place, the crap sold at Sears.
Whoa-oh-oh, a new job (new job), I need it (need it)!

Hey, yay, yay!
(Outside) Those folks are parking!
(Inside) My dogs are barking!
(Lots of clowns) Looking for a big markdown!
They shop for their makeup
but they just won't wake up? Will you?

Baby, take a good look at my face! You'll see my smile just got erased!
Just look this store over, you'll see in this place, the crap sold at Sears!
Baby, baby-baby-baby!
Take a good look at my face! You'll see my smile just got erased!
Just look this store over, you'll see in this place, the crap sold at Sears!
Baby, baby-baby-baby!
(repeat 'til fade)

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Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   4
 4
 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Wild Man - August 14, 2003 - Report this comment
Need a new job , I hear there's an opening in California. They have nice weather and electricity too! Funny song man!
Michael Pacholek - August 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks for the rating, but not for the job offer. I wouldn't live in California if Joe Torre were the Governor. They've got every problem New Jersey has AND earthquakes! Not to mention the Dodgers. P.U.!
Ones guy - August 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Your songs suck Pacholek. I'll be 1 up on you dude. You seem to have only two moving parts and that would be your head and your ass and they are both interchangable.
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
That "Ones guy" comment sounds suspiciously like something Guy DiRito would say.
Guy DiRito - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Not me Michael - Must be someone else you have messed with. This is more your style to hit below the belt. Not mine. I'd be real sure before I'd point fingers on this one if I were you. There are probably a few dozen people out here that you have put down and these folks write parody and are extremely good at mimic. I use my real name out here. I have nothing to hide.
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Can't read, DiRito? I'm not M.P. But it's clear who "Ones guy" is.
Guy DiRito - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
So do you also take credit for the slam on my reputation by using my name on this comment section suggesting that you somehow know something about my life style, which you could not possibly? I didn't start this. And Y'all really need to knock this stuff off. Grow up already. You couldn't get me to comment back on this thing so now you escallate the harrassment. `````````````````````` http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/simongarfunkel12.shtml
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Oh, but you DID start this, DiRito. You bash gays and then get offended when you're bashed back? Here's a thought--if you stopped posting xenophobic parodies and comments, maybe people would stop pointing out that you're a xenophobe.
malcolm higgins - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
ald I will guarantee you, Michael, it isn't me.. think of some of the shit I've stirred up with my comments, and I stand by them I blast anyone who is a chickenshit to put their names to their comments real people do that. keep up your writing. I enjoy a lot of it.. some is crap. sounds like my stuff too, EH?
Guy DiRito - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Where did I say that I took offense to this on this forum? I am simply entering the evidence. If you believe everything you read in a parody then then you live in a fantasy world. I could push this as a defamation of character, but it is just someone who is not very good with humor. Things like this just really detract from the board. I have to agree with Malcolm on this. If you can't use your real name then too bad, but don't use someone elses.
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
To answer your first question, how about your comments about a "slam on my reputation" and "defamation of character"? Puh-leeze. Moving on, things like WHAT "just really detract from the board"? Comments from people who are fed up with your slams? Here's a tip--cut the crap and there won't be such a stink.
Guy DiRIto - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
I meant all of the negative comments against Michael Pacholec. He and I may not see eye to eye on almost anything. but no one deserves that. He, like a lot of others out here are gifted writers and slams of this nature really do detract. And if you don't like my parodies, then just don't read them.
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Interesting that you and "Ones guy" both spell Pacholek with a c. But at last we agree on something--that the slams on him were unwarranted. And if you don't like comments, don't incite them.
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Recent comments with Pacholek spelled "Pacholec": http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/kiss0.shtml http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/foofighters3.shtml http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/tommyjamestheshondells4.shtml http://www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/coolio2.shtml http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles210.shtml
Guy DiRito - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
What is your point, whoever you are? I said I did not make the comments and if you don't believe me then too bad. I'm sure the admin on this board will be able to tell where the comments came from and I'm sure it won't point to me.
Billy Florio - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Guy, just ignore whoever it is..its not worth you getting upset about....
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
My point? You're busted, Guy! Last night, someone teased you about your homophobia by posting some comments as "Guy DiRito's Gay Lover." A while later, "Ones guy," apparently in blind retaliation, posted a bunch of anti-Pacholek comments. The comments from "Ones guy" had the same tone and attempts at humor as typical Guy DiRito posts, and they misspelled "Pacholek" as "Pacholec," which no one but Guy DiRito does. Sure, it's a circumstantial case, but I'm confident that we can get a jury to convict.
Guy DiRito - August 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Right you are Billy. I'm more frustrated than upset. When the smoke clears I'll still be standing so they can just go on with it all they like. Thanks.
Pat - August 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Michael, I would like to ask you a question. Please use your real name. Are you a chauvinist who thinks that females cannot think for themselves? I have seen the hatred going on. This site is supposed to be for parody writing only...debate yes...hate and name-calling are low class.
Neither "Michael Pacholek" nor "Ones guy" - August 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Pat, I'm not sure why you and DiRito keep putting down MP when I have stated repeatedly that he is not the one writing these comments. It reaffirms my certainty that the "Ones guy" attacks on MP were indeed from DiRito. As for your chauvinist question, that's bizarre. The comment was made that you agree with everything DiRito says because it's clear from your posts that you do. It had nothing to do with your gender, which has been unclear until now. (The name Pat is notoriously gender-unspecific.) I'm glad you're opposed to hatred and name-calling. Perhaps you should express those views to DiRito, whose continual slurs on "faggots" and "dykes" are what initiated this.
Michael Pacholek - August 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Yikes, where to begin... I am not the ones guy. Anybody who's seen my parody "Voteman" (if you'll pardon the shamelss plug) knows that. Guy DiRito is not the Ones Guy either. He may be many things, but he's man enough to stand up for himself, his parodies and his comments. Whoever the Ones Guy is, he's not a man -- and I don't mean "not a man" in a Merry and/or Pip sort of way. If Guy wants to get me, he does it the right way. Sometimes even the correct way. And Pat, most women can think for themselves. Most women not appearing on Fox News or MSNBC, anyway. The problem, as it is with men, is WHAT they think. Finally, Mr. Neither: Although I agree with you on Guy's anti-gay material, be adult enough to use your real name, or at least a "nom de net" that doesn't sound so weenie, like some others do (e.g., Merry, Pip, LebeiW, DarkJon, S.T.G., His Name Is Kenny etc.) Just saying you're neither fish nor flesh is neither funny nor appropriate.
Trace - August 18, 2003 - Report this comment
MP, I posted as "Neither MP nor Ones guy" to clarify that I was not you, because I knew that regardless of the name I posted under, others would assume it was you (which DiRito and Pat, in fact, did anyway). No, the pseudonym wasn't funny, because it wasn't meant to be. Don't worry, I won't rush to your defense in the future. As for the identity of "Ones guy", I'm not suggesting that DiRito is the one who has been hitting everyone with 1-1-1 votes. I don't think any one person is responsible for that. But the slams on "Pacholec" over the weekend were obviously the work of DiRito, whose "humor" is readily identifiable and who is the only one who misspells your name that way. But if you'd rather not believe that, I'll stop trying to scratch the rose tint off your glasses.
Spaff.com - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Lost in all of this is the crap sold at Sears. Take it from a guy who used to work customer service for them - there's plenty of it. Another good one, Michaelopedia.
Fred Tassin - October 27, 2004 - Report this comment
This parody will be used in the blog listed below on 10-39-04. It fits in with the general theme of the blog. PS. It is good. https://www.typepad.com/t/app/weblog/post
Andria - September 25, 2007 - Report this comment
I have had no trouble with Sears or anything originally sold there. The tires on my 1979 Chevy Impala station wagon and 1988 Yugo GV are Sears' house-brands, and both cars have had over 10,000 miles (combined) within a year of both tire purchases. My appliances are old avocado-green Kenmore and Coldspot pieces that date back to the Johnson administration, and they still work like new. Lastly, the down comforter on my bed came from Sears in 1984 and is still warm and cushy despite the fact that I have used it for 23 years. Therefore, (at least for me), there is nothing wrong with Sears.
Tim Hall - September 26, 2007 - Report this comment
You can buy Craftsman tools and Kenmore appliances at K-Mart, the owner of Sears.
Andria - September 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Tim, you have your information backwards. Sears owns Kmart, not the other way around. I bought my Kenmore garbage disposal (which replaced one that was probably old enough to be my mother) at Kmart.
Guy - February 19, 2008 - Report this comment
I was surfing and just found this. Who the hell was that ash hole back around August 16, 2003 with the ash hole comments? I can't believe this shid went on. Whoever that person is I hope they are gone for good. This really sucked. I re-read your parody Michael and it is still a gem. As long as Sears exists this piece will be timeless. I fived it again because it is worthy of 5 and it seems to have too few votes for the amount of singular comments and views. Again - nice job on this oldie Michael.

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