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Song Parodies -> "I Am A Chalk"

Original Song Title:

"I Am A Rock"

Original Performer:

Simon and Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"I Am A Chalk"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

A new school day
I shall weep this dark September
I am alone
Gazing from this blackboard
To the floor below
Where I see a pile of my dust white as snow
I am a chalk
And lonely I am

On this wall
I once wrote lessons lightly
That stu-dents would notate
But now they use computers
They forgot my name
They think that chalk and blackboards are so lame
I am a chalk
I once made white hands

PC's they love
They prefer them to chalk-boards
They keep things in their memory
They don't disturb my slumber
So I commiserate
With my pal eraser, we bemoan our fate
I am a chalk
No use in cryin'

They have their books
And their computers to engage them
They don't wield that chalk anymore
Gazing at their screens
Typing on their keys
They touch their mice but no one touches me
I am a chalk
My dust ain't flyin'

They think chalk seems so lame
Pal eraser, please, don't cry

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Adagio - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Yeehaa, but aww for the chalk. What do teachers do now when they need someone to clean the board? Erase memory? hehe
Johnny D - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Adagio! Beats me. I'm an old fart from the chalkboard generation.
Guy - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
"They touch their mice but no one touches me" Priceless! Nice parody JD. This is so true. 5 blackboard chalk screeches. Hey does the modem windup replace the screeching chalk?
Johnny D - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Guy! Yes, the modem windup would kind of replace the chalk-screech, wouldn't it? Say, are you by any chance responding to the shamelessly self-promoting message that I wrote as a comment on one of your parodies today, inviting you to come over here and check out "I Am A Chalk" ? I did the same for a number of other authors, too ..... there's so much material being posted these days, we've gotta try anything to get our voices heard around here - - - LOL ! ;-D
Michael Pacholek - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Well, there was some wit to it, but I can't say it was a great one. Maybe if you'd put in a reference to chalkboards now being green instead of black, and then replaced by white and the chalk being replaced by multi-colored magic markers. In other words, there's your idea for a sequel!
Johnny D - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Michael - hmmm, "I'm a whiteboard / With those dry and fragrant markers / You will get stoooooooned " ...... hmmm... I dunno..... why don't you write that one?
Adagio - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Guy...what is a modem windup ???
Leah Lockhart - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
555 for the original, and touching story. I will never look at chalk the same again. I am personally partial to the dry-erase markers myself... they don't mess up your black pants, and get you high if you use 'em long enough. (Disclaimer... that's NOT a recommendation for you experimental types).
Leah Lockhart - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Note to self...READ THOROUGHLY all other comments before posting your own...
Mari D - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
At the university where I work, there are very few blackboards left. We have a lot of those white boards that use the aforementioned dry erase markers. You can order them in "low odor," but the one time that I did that, several faculty complained. So now we're back to the "fragrant" variety and everybody is very, very happy!
Johnny D - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Leah - thank you very much for your vote and comments! In your humorous "READ THOROUGHLY" comment, are you alluding to my exchange with Michael about the "fragrant" markers? Forgive me if I missed something somewhere, but I work in a software company, and I'm surrounded by dry-erase whiteboard markers all day long....hmmm...perhaps I shouldn't have admitted that....some folks might think that explains some things!

Mari D - thank you, very much, too - yeah, forget them low odor markers....dontcha just luv them "high" odor markers? Ooops, I feel a brainstorm coming on - quick, Robin, to the Bat-Whiteboard !
Leah Lockhart - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
I do training and consulting, so while I get no benefits, there ARE a few "perks."
Leah Lockhart - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
So now any potential client who does a search for my name on the internet can say, "ah, this crazy parody writer obsessed with transvestites and dead people, IS in fact, the person we were thinking about hiring..."
Phil Alexander - December 17, 2003 - Report this comment
I'm trying to think of the right sort of word to describe this... maybe "whimsical"? Certainly original and funny, and very well executed.
Johnny D - December 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks, Phil - "whimsical" works for me.

And Leah - thanks again, and don't worry - they should be impressed by your sense of humor and creativity!
Michael Pacholek - December 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Johnny wants me to write the sequel? Hmmmm... In the classroom stands a chalker, and a writer by his trade...
neminem - January 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Yup, perfect pacing, and yup, pretty funny. 5/5/5, regardless of the fact that I've never heard of "a chalk," only "a piece of chalk." And yes, I did get your message on All the Sleeping People.
Johnny D - January 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks neminem !
Meriadoc - January 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Very clever!
Johnny D - January 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Meriadoc!
Red Ant - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Just checking this OS for any ideas similar to mine. This is not similar. ;-) Excellent work Johnny D, Guy already quoted my favorite line. I am in awe.. I vote the 5s, man!.

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