Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Handyman"

Original Song Title:

"Candy Man"

Original Performer:

Sammy Davis Jr.

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Merry & Pippin

The Lyrics

I acknowledge that Rick Duncan, SomeGuy and Airforcewon already used this title – but here it comes again!

A low-bitrate mp3 of the song can be found here.
(Hey, handyman)
Alright everybody gather 'round
The handyman is here
What kind of handywork you want?
Fix locked bits?
Septic tanks to empty?
Scum mopped?
Anything you want
You've come to the right man
Look out! I'm your handyman

Who can make a fence high (who can make a fence high)
Fix a hinge with screws (fix a hinge with screws)
Cupboard, it is chockers, have him build some more anew
The handyman (the handyman)
Sure, the handyman can (the handyman can)
The handyman can
'Cause you pay him lots of mon-
ey or he don’t come round
(Mate, he won’t come round)

H-man makes his plane smooth (H-man makes his plane smooth)
Crappy bits of pine (warp-ed, out of line)
Show’s who’s number one and makes your shelves all re-aligned
The handyman (the handyman)
The handyman can (from handyman land)
The handyman can
'Cause he mixes up cement
And lays your sidewalks good
(Lays my sidewalks good)

The handyman makes statements that I take
As so very suppositious
Now he’s acting slightly injudicious
(Must admit, he’s quite delicious...)

Oh, who sees to my inflow (who can make my lamps glow)
Slips me self-esteem (dips into my seam)
Operates drill-borer so delectibly I scream
The handyman (the handyman)
Oh, the handyman can (withstand him, I can’t)
The handyman can
No quick-fixes with this bud
He’s got such skill with wood
(Sates a girl real good)

The handyman takes, leaves me feeling slaked
Satisfied and quite lubricious
Talk about your expeditious
Hammer drilling all my wishes

Nail, nail, nail
Who has got the right tools (could you see this coming)
For the job, it seems (pun so bad, I scream)
He’ll be back tomorrow with his screwdriver of dreams
That dandyman (that dandyman)
That handyman can (he’s tanned, is that man)
The handyman’s cans
Are like manna from above
Man, they’re as firm as wood
(Makes a girl feel good)

Yes, the handyman can
'Cause he’s there upon demand
And oh his wood’s real good
(You should see him nude)
A-handyman, a-handyman, a-handyman
(Makes a girl feel good)
A-handyman, a-handyman, a-handyman
(Drained my purse real good)

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   14

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - May 01, 2008 - Report this comment
my fave of the really nailed this one
Eac Zeffron - May 01, 2008 - Report this comment
I loved it! But uhm...I thought TOS was from the 70s? Still, it's a good read and a good OS.
Ann Hammond - May 01, 2008 - Report this comment
he he
AFW - May 01, 2008 - Report this comment
I like Candy, and I like handy, and I like this parody
PMS - May 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Gotta hand it to you. 555
littleCupCakes - May 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, you might try a Cowboy! They're quite handy.
Meriadoc - May 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone.

Eac, the OS was from the 70s. Looks like Pip hit the wrong category.
TJC - May 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Loved the progression here from chewy nougat to, well, *hard* candy, although, I'm pretty sure one-eyed diminutive black Jewish song & dance men everywhere are spinning in their, er, lathes...
malcolm higgins - May 02, 2008 - Report this comment
this fixed my day up.. you guy coming to Tampa?
Peregrin - May 03, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm a little far away, Malcolm :)
mandamoo - May 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Every girl needs a handyman ;) Great to sing along with - excellnt job!
Qld Accountant - May 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Of course - the Handyman can. An underacknowledged genius. Well done MP - you have finally properly recognised "the man".

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1274