Peregrin and Merry, Meriadoc and Pippin, Peregrin and Merry
Run that by me once again......
Peregrin and Merry, Meriadoc and Pippin, Peregrin and Merry
Are they women? Are they men?

Yes, I'd like to have definitive explication
Of this non-specific-gender duet's relation
Have they ever written songs about menstruation?
That might be a tip
About Mer and Pip

Meriadoc and Pippin, Peregrin and Merry
After all these songs about you I don't have a clue!!!
But Peregrin or Merry, Meregrin or Perry,
Tom or dickless Harry,
I still love you!

If you stress about their sexual orientation
I defend their right to permanent obfuscation
And I'll say without referring to masturbation
If they both have breasts
I could not care less

Peregrin and Merry, whether wearing bobby sox
Or thongs or jocks or bras or pants or camisoles
They're extra-ordinary parodists and meri-
Toriously merry,
And both sweet souls!