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Song Parodies -> "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Mace"

Original Song Title:

"I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face"

Parody Song Title:

"I've Grown Accustomed to Her Mace"

Parody Written by:

Rick Duncan

The Lyrics

Some people just won't take no for an answer....
Wham! Blam! Damn! Ma'am!
I've grown accustomed to her mace
She never likes when I get "fresh"
I've grown accustomed to the hurt that
She causes with that squirt
Her slaps, her spray Her kicks, I pay
You'd think I would have learned by now
I'm breathing in that cayenne mist
I had no respiratory impairment until the day we met
Surely I might someday breathe that way again and yet
I see the bust'n I just grab
Butt an' I just clutch
Lust'n I get mace

(Spoken) "You're a perv!" What a thing to shout. What a heartless, wicked, hurtful thing to scream in public. But I'll get out again and violate that restraining order. She can't stay in her house forever!

(Sung)
I can see her now, with these high-powered binocs
In her high-class little home, the second floor
I can see her now; watching her gives me a thrill
I'm a pizza vendor knocking on her door
I'll make my play with things I bought her
But it's the pepper spray at my head
Begging for her love and mercy
While she screams that she wishes I were dead

With a tear or two, I express my love to her
With my crutches and my cast I hardly walk
She yells out "Screw you" though my vision is a blur
I can see the people round starting to gawk
My Eliza, She's awful spiteful
How exhilarating, full of fight still

How painful it will be if she ever lands that blow
When she hammers on my face with fists of rage
She should just give in, if only, she would give me just a night
Will she punch my nose or kick me in the balls?
Give her kindness, this is what she serves
I'll be coming back, no there is never doubt

For I'm a most forgiving man
The sport who never cries, never lies
Take the position and never hold a grudge
A maced forgiving man
But though my eyes are blue and black
And though there is little left of my knees
I will still make her a home
Even though she makes me groan
I love that girl, I know she's just a tease

(Spoken)
Oh, my achin' back!

(Sung)
And I'm so used to hearing her say
"Please die and go away!"
Her guns, her blows
Her foot, my toes
She causes sutures for me now
Just breaking bones and breaking skin
She's very hateful for a woman
It's not easy to forget
Rather like a pitbull---You bet!
I've grown accustomed to the brace
I wear around my neck
I've frown accustomed to her mace

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 0
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 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   4
 3
 3
 

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Hi, Rick...I'm the local co-ordinator for Guys Who Can't Take No For An Answer Anonymous(GWCTNFAAA). We have weekly meetings and a twelve step program. We'll have you seeing out of both eyes in no time! Give me a call...:-) 555
Ravyn Rant - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
If I didn't know better, I'd swear we used to date.
John Jenkins - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Very well done, Rick.
Paul Robinson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick D - OUCH! Nicely done, 5's...
Michael Pacholek - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Why, Rick, you low-down dirty MF! I never knew ya had it in ya! I was laughing from the title on in. Ironic, because it was Freddy Eynsford-Hill, not Higgins, who was (by our standards) the stalker: "I have often walked down this street before..."
Michael Pacholek - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
And, Rick, if Mari (or anyone else) hurts you that much, I got one word for you: "Vicodin!" It's such a lovely drug. (Yes, I plugged another one of my parodies.)
Mari D - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Check out the Google ads!
Meriadoc - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
I had a friend who worked in a weapons store and had many women coming in and requesting mace. So the next time my friend was filling out the order form, she put a number 4 in the box for 'mace' figuring that would be enough to start out with. When the order came in, there were four of those balls with spikes on a chain attached to a stick! They sold out in a week! ;-D
Rick D - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Those work good, too. A little hard to carry in your purse.
Rod Worden - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Back pockets wouldn't work, either. Well done, Sir Rick, 555 blasts!
Paul Robinson - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Mari - Thanks for pointing out those ads! They are kind of a gas, hyuck...
alvin rhodes - June 14, 2004 - Report this comment
the elegance of the melody with these words is just too funny....5s
Leo Jay - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Loverly.
TJC - June 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Very clever...you are a natural.. I loved your highbrow word choice and melody selection, contrasting mischeviously with the gross crassness of this dude's subhuman reality!

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