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Song Parodies -> "My Keister's Sore"

Original Song Title:

"Conquistador"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Procol Harum

Parody Song Title:

"My Keister's Sore"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

My keister's sore
That's why I'll stand
In need of pain relief

And like some devil's horny brow
Cruel 'em'rhoids give me grief

Maybe my armor-plated chair
Is what made, my butt bleed

Sand in my swim trunk pants
Scraped hair off my ass sphincter ring

And though I hoped that
Pain would go down
I still can not
Bear to sit down


My keister's sore
Upholstery
Cannot be soft enough

I'm in my smoothest boxers now
But e-ven silk feels rough

And now my scab-encrusted ass
Sits sore here, painfully

Witch Hazel's washed across that place
But nothing, has healed me

And though I hoped that
Pain would go down
I still can not
Bear to sit down


My keister's sore
I'll drink some wine
I must get so sh*t-faced

For though I drank a beer or two
I'm still sore in that place

And though the booze is smooth and cool
I start to feel like, such a fool

(For) Though I chugged three jugs of wine,
My rectum still feels, like rawhide!

I'm such a dumb-ass
Why did I think
My pain would pass
After twelve drinks?

And now I start to
Feel very odd
Time to pray to
Porcelain god

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

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Johnny D - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
FREE AUDIO SAMPLE of Procol Harum's song "Conquistador" can be found on the following webpage:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000009B6E/­102-0590551-3329757?v=glance
Rick D - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
You and Claude on a double bill today. His=cause yours=effect.
Guy - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Very catchy title. This could be one for misheard lyrics it is so close to the original. Nice job JD.
Johnny D - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Guy!

Hooray! I found someone else who knows "Conquistador" by Procol Harum, the group who also brought you "A Whiter Shade Of Pale" !
Adagio - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
I had forgotten about that song..love it. And what you do to it. Turning it into realistic pains. Yeoowch!! 5's
Johnny D - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Adagio!
Arwen - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't know this one, either. I'm really not much help today, am I? Sorry!
Jack Wilson - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job!
Johnny D - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Jack!

That's OK Arwen, don't sweat it - thanks for stopping by!
Paul Robinson - January 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny D - It's now clear that your parody talents have ass-ended to new heights, kind of like the "pole vault" record. They used to use bamboo for that, you know, but now it's some sort of hi-tech graphite or titanium or whatever....OUCH!! Get one of those stuck up your keister and you'll be half-way to "Uranus" from the pain. Who needs a new space shuttle program? Instead, just use the "Johnny D Butthole" launch program to conquer space and explore the "black holes" where man has never dared to go before. You have raised the bar and at the same time impaled your poor protagonist upon it. We'd salute you but cannot bear to raise up from our padded butt donuts or whatever they are called.
Johnny D - January 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Paul!

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