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Song Parodies -> "These Gummis Aren't for Eating"

Original Song Title:

"These Boots were Made for Walking"

Original Performer:

Nancy Sinatra

Parody Song Title:

"These Gummis Aren't for Eating"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In early 1945 the Kriegsmarine and Luftwaffe deployed floating decoys in the North Atlantic and Baltic that originated from pre-war factory recreational Gummitier (rubber toy) beach floats. Thousands of these were converted over for military roles as radar decoys against Allied search aircraft while others acted as U-boat decoys or baffled the Soviet Navy when spotted on the surface of the water in daylight or at night. Some were painted in fluorescent colors in odd patterns that caused panic when spotted at night; some were used with noise-making devices; some discharged chemical bubble cylinders (similar to Bold); while others carried Siegmund-derived small explosive devices. They were air-dropped by German aircraft and deployed by Kriegsmarine naval vessels in significant numbers over a period of two months. On several occasions the masses of floating devices caused enough concern that Soviet fighter aircraft and naval forces were delayed from intercepting German evacuation boats jammed with thousands of German citizens and soldiers on board, saving their lives. Instead, the Soviets were busy trying to identify what the strange-looking “mystery” weapons were. Once discovered, the Soviets were embarrassed by the ploy and the Soviet Navy was ordered by Stalin not to speak of those incidents. Information, therefore, was NOT supplied to the West which sent special naval forces to capture and inspect the decoys, some of which were armed and motorized. The radar decoy versions did not last long due to Allied changes in wavelengths used. But the odd assortment of Gummiwaffen attracted a lot of attention from the German military and civilians alike onboard evacuation vessels that reported sightings of “sea monsters” and strange “floating debris piles” in the area where they were deployed.
Somethin’ is floatin’ in the Baltic Sea
some unidentified weird mess
The Germans have been testin’ some strange new weapons
and now the Russians are gettin' all nervous

These Gummis aren’t for eating, hell, they’re not even food!
these odd Gummiwaffen decoys were used in World War II

Rubber floating devices were confusin’
Bafflin’ Russian warships they oddly worked best
They covered Kriegsmarine evacuations
until the Russians fired, put them to the test

These Gummis aren’t for eating, hell, they’re not even food!
these odd Gummiwaffen decoys were used in World War II

Russians playin’ while Germans were delayin’
rubber floats tied into masses sure did work
Reports of “sea monsters” in the Baltic, right?
The cheap floating decoys fooled those Russian jerks!

These Gummis aren’t for eating, hell, they’re not even food!
these odd Gummiwaffen decoys were used in World War II

Ever saw their looks? Were startlin‘!

1920s German Gummitier at the beach. The Gummiwaffen had similar appearances but were in masses and painted in garish colors, often formed into strange configurations to cause panic and confusion:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Patrick - September 02, 2011 - Report this comment
Amazing weapon I had never heard of before. Did you ever see one of the parachute mannequins dropped by the Allies just before the Normandy landings? Sounds like the Germans had the same idea.
Rob Arndt - September 02, 2011 - Report this comment
Patrick, ever hear of the fake wood LW base in the Netherlands? When completed, the British sent an aircraft to drop a wood bomb on it!!!
Rob Arndt - September 02, 2011 - Report this comment
The LW also used pre-war Rollplans to lure Soviet fighters into flak range along the Baltic. Lured by the odd flying thing, the Soviet aircraft would fly right into a Flak trap!!! Rollplans:
David Copper - September 03, 2011 - Report this comment
Went rafting not too long ago, so this gives me the creeps! I wonder if they missed anything that is lying in those waters. I seem to remember that some fishermen in the Baltic stumbled across sunken German poison gas from WW2 way back in the 1990s or early 2000s. Yikes!!!
Amanda - September 04, 2011 - Report this comment
So duh, all this time I thought a Gummi bear was a sweet German bear and Gummi just means rubber? Rubber bears? You ruined my favorite candy for me!!!

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