Now my fondest recollection
Was a baker's filled confection
And my bad boy eyeballs bulging big and wide
In a kitchen neat and kept
I slowly softly crept
And tried to filch a piece of momma's pie


But a deadly wooden spoon
Made me sing a different tune
My momma tried to warn me twice before
But somehow I had forgotten
So she beat my skinny bottom
'Till momma left my hiney good and sore


Under her 'onslaught' supervision I was more than just cajoled
She spanked my rear alright, with all her might, hell I cried
Momma only raised a blister, but the beating hurt my pride
And left only crow to eat and humble pie


[INSTRUMENTAl]


Poor 'Ole poppa, bless his heart
Gave me a piece of his tart
Just trying to ease my dinnertime blues
Well momma tore her blouse
Chasing him through the house
Let's say she wasn't the least bit amused


While they were going round in circles squaring off like two polecats
I snuck a piece alright with them outside, me inside
I'd tried to finish supper, but I felt so full I sighed
At last fin'ly got a piece of momma's pie