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Song Parodies -> "Four Cases Has High. . . ."

Original Song Title:

"Two Faces Have I"

Original Performer:

Lou Christie

Parody Song Title:

"Four Cases Has High. . . ."

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Tommy Turtle's "Two Cases Have I" got me thinking about German. I hope this parody explains why-y-y-y-y-y. . . .
Samuel Clemens did know
About the Deutsch known as "hoch."*

Four cases has High, Hoch, High
German. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Why, oh why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why Why?

At least it is not Latin;
Quite a few
Cases are there in Latin--
Think it's five plus 2.

Four cases has High
German, and it made my cry
Back when I did try
To learn it; a fool was I.

Started with nominative--
A pronominal "I."
"Me" then, accusative and dative:
"Mich" and "mir"; "Ich" for "I." So I,

Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry,
So I cry,
Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.

Can't forget the genitive,
In, for example, "my."
Articles aren't genderless
Auf Hochdeutsch gibt es drei. [There are three genders in German]

Then we get to adjectives--
Can't unify.
Because they're case-sensitive
As are articles, why?! Oh why?

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why???
Why oh Why?
Why, why, why??? Englisch macht frei. [English makes you free]

Four cases has High
German, and three genders: drei.
Four cases drink I
If ever again I try.
*Hochdeutsch ("High German," standard German; "hoch" is pronounced approximately HOK, with the K sort of gargled in the throat). Appendix D of Mark Twain's "A Tramp Abroad" is entitled "The Awful German Language," for the following reasons, among others: German is Latinless Latin. Its case structure, syntax, and genders derive from Latin, but it borrows few words from Latin. (E.g., the German for "turtle" is ""Schildkroete," literally, "shield-toad"; whereas "turtle" is Latin in derivation; although "shield" and "toad" are Anglo-Saxon.) English, on the other hand, has jettisoned genders and cases, but it relies so heavily on borrowing that half of English is French, mainly thanks to the Norman Conquest. English used to have "you," "thou," "thee," but boiled it down to "you," unless thou art Amish. German still has three forms of "you": "Sie" (formal singular and plural; but "she" with lowercase "s," "sie"); "du" informal singular; "ihr" (informal plural), which can also mean "their" or "her," depending on context. Awful for those trying to learn it in adulthood.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Johnny D - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Not the wurst you've ever done, ja.
John Barry - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD, mainly for slogging through it.
Thomas Schildkröte - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Der Plan war zehr gut, aber zwei oder drei Glitschen in der pacenmachen, mit OS nebenstehen mitgelesent. 545. Lofty concept, and do appreciate the plug, John.
I would guess that learning English as a second language would be harder than learning German second; vague recollection is that German followed very orderly rules (surprise! lol) as opposed to hash caused by English's mutt background.

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