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Song Parodies -> "Newcomputercamewithwindowsxphowatrocious"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Julie Andrews (Mary Poppins)

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

In the author's first, and he thought last, crack at this OS, he made a fervent plea to "stop the brutal parodying" of it, more or less. Unfortunately, Real Life (does anyone remember that?) has motivated him to violate his own request, though he confesses to some surprise, given both the number of Supercal parodies and the number of extraordinarily brilliant minds he has observed here in one week, that none of them had jumped on the "expi"="XP" connection before (much the same as with "Galveston"="Aniston", Plug! Plug!).
Load-ed with useless graphics, all they can cram
In my o-pin-ion humble, big waste of RAM

Written by a 12-year-old who's not at all precocious
Makes "Malicious User's" exploits even more ferocious

I... can "search files/folders" fine on my own
Why... does a little doggie sniff for a bone?

Older Windows could be hacked by
Kids young as eleven
XP's even easier; they
Need be only seven
Viruses and Trojan horses:
Engines up 'n revvin'
I can see this new OS is
Hacker kiddie heaven!

Written by a 12-year-old who's not at all precocious
Seems that Microsoft is always trying to out-gauche us

So--called "improvements"? Most seem done just for kicks
Quote: "Things that are not broken, you shouldn't fix"

Hundred software flaws in here, there's
Just so much to knock. It's
Difficult to make it safe; im--
Possible to lock. It's
Pitiful that Version 1 came
Shipped with full raw sockets
Can't believe this piece of crap is
Lining Bill Gates' pockets!

Written by a 12-year-old who's not at all precocious
Makes "Malicious User's" exploits even more ferocious

Text... is all furry-fuzzy; so hard to read
Plain, simple black and white font filled fine the need

Have I been too critical in
These harsh words I'm saying?
There's a cool pin-ball machine in--
Side it for the playing
'Stead of good security, for
This is what you're paying
Unplugged U-ni-vers-al Plug-'n-
Play 'n I'm still praying!*

This "XPerience" has been so
Totally dismaying!
Some things are too true to be funny. (Yeah, I know I coulda got a Mac, but surely having garbage SW is a small price to pay for one decent parody idea, no?) *For fellow non-tech-heads, Steve Gibson of Gibson Research Corporation explains these issues in language even a Turtle can understand, and offers a number of freeware fixes for them. The tool to disable Universal Plug 'n Play (UPnP) is called, appropriately enough, UnPlug 'n Pray (UnPnP), and was the inspiration for the penultimate line. With futile hope that this is the ultimate Supercal, © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   3
 3   0
 4   2
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey, come on, what's wrong with Windows XP? It's a great operating syst%@D*QW$Q@%)ASGAZ XC!@#%!*&@#%&AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!
AFW - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent...a lot of clever rhyming and humor, here...kinda' Cole Porterish--five and more
Phil Alexander - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
An author after my own heart... so are you some kind of techie, TT?
alvin rhodes - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
wondrous wordplay
Adagio - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
I never read one of yours before, Tommy...welcome (belated). That's a funny song. I wondered why that dog sniffinf for a bone escaped attention. 5's
Seamonkey - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Woah, are you like some geeky Eminem or what? You just flow, my man. I understand that it's Julie Andrews, but I don't really sit around listening to the Sound of Music, 'less it's forced upon @ Christmastime! Or was it Mary Poppins? Aw, who gives a rip, you've got the lyrical skills and the name to rate your own Saturday morn special! I high-fived ya!
Tommy Turtle - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Johnny, well put... AFW, thanks, and as far as rhyming, I scanned the 70+ other Supercals here, and my first crack at it, "superflu-ousparodies etc." is the only one that kept the same rhyme (..itty) throughout the entire song, chorus and all verses, an accomplishment of absolutely no value whatsoever... Phil, thanks, not at all, but with XP you have to learn something in sef-defense -- every cloud has a silver lining, I guess.

alvin, thanks, and I do mean to read some of yours, it's just been a long Monday (plus writing subs for tomorrow, of course)... Adagio, thanks for the welcome and comments, and same to you as Alvin...

Seamonkey, I think that's a compliment?? Yeah, it ended that way heh heh... and the same to you as alvin and Adagio, have seen your name around but there's just so much great stuff here to read.... thanks all.
Larry Hensley - February 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Yeah, this was a funny one.
Peter Andersson - February 07, 2006 - Report this comment
XP = Xtra Problems?
Tommy Turtle - February 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Have you seen the latest "X-
"Ploit", "Windows Metafile"?
It lets everybody in so
W. can spy. I'll
Take this worthless piece of junk and
Throw it in the pile
Gates and all his "engineers" should
Go into "Xile"!

Larry, thanks... Peter, that's taking the negative view. The positive view is XP = Xcellent Pinball. Thanks for stopping by; I Fived you on "Strip Alfresco", and I've said K1chyd out loud over and over and still too dense to get the pun on the acronym.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - February 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Tommy Turtle: Next time you see one of my parodies, click on my author name and read my bio, there's an explanation for "K1chyd" there. If you already have done so (I'm not sure how to interpret "said out loud" above) you might have misunderstood, it's the full name, not the acronym, that's supposed to be pronounced out loud for a two way interpretation twist.
Kristof Robertson - February 15, 2006 - Report this comment
You're probably gonna hate me, TT...but this is what I call "tough love". This was a classicly well written parody, EXCEPT....there are one too many syllables at the end of each line in the verses; the way you've written them gives them the same meter as the chorus, which isn't the case. Still, overall very accomplished stuff. 455
Tommy Turtle - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Kristof, when you're right, you're right, and you're right. I made the same glitch on my other Supercal parody, "Superflu-ous" etc. Truth be told, though, I like it my way better; as per Luke Brattoni's comment to "Superfluous", I'm a sucker for anything feminine, including feminine rhyming. So, tell Julie Andrews to change it to match my version!!! BTW, did anyone else notice that when Mary Poppins flies up in the air with her umbrella, you can see right up her skirt???
Phil Alexander - October 04, 2007 - Report this comment
Seeing your comment on your "Wonder of Me" parody made me wonder whether you're considering a Vista upgrade to this parody?
Tommy Turtle - October 04, 2007 - Report this comment
Phil Alexander, I wouldn't even consider a Vista downgrade to my puter... Rule of thumb: Never buy a new MS OS until it's been out for at least three years and two "service packs".... Read so many horrible things about XP when it came out in 2001 that I was determined to keep the 98SE machine forever... but it aged, as we all do (darn!). Actually tried to get someone to make me a new machine with 98 or Me in it, but they wouldn't. So, the song was accurate - new one came with XP; no choice. Fortunately, since XP had been out for three years and had two service packs, the most glaring vulnerabilities had been "patched" by SP2... raw sockets removed, etc... oh, and the 98 machine still runs pretty well and serves as a backup. Simple and effective.
TJC - May 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Ooooooo! Just stumbled upon this gem in mid-09... deja two (years late!)? Lexcellent as always and I'm beginning to come 'round to yer way of thinking... UBER GOOD as UBER-ALWAYS!@T-Turtle.calm (not really 'calm' (who should know better than thou)... just a cross-current antidistablishment-jibe!)
Tommy Turtle - May 21, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: Thanks! .. and so sorry you had to learn from XPerience! ... you too might be eligible for a free down(up)grade, as a result of a class-action suit against MS regarding Vista. ... thanks for stumbling across this and v/c. (Who knows what other treasure lies hidden in TT's past mwahahaha? hehe j/k!)
Glen S - March 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Great use of the song, TT. Very true, but especially liked the 'eleven/seven/revvin'/heaven' stanza. And good job keeping all of the refrain rhymes the same as the original.
Glen S - March 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Very funny and very true, TT. Loved the 'eleven/seven/revvin'/heaven stanza.
Tommy Turtle - March 31, 2012 - Report this comment
Glen S: Thanks for v/c.

Glen S: Thanks for v/c.

(who's complaining? as they say in Chicago, "Vote early, and vote often! :-)

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